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Embracing Eternity - A Game

7 years ago3,206 words

Over the past week or so, I've been working on the prototype for a game - my first in 3D - which will eventually be about suicide (sort of)!! Here's a version of it you can already play!!!!

I'm still feeling weirdly frail and exhausted and ill, and I don't know why that is... I've yet to go to a doctor about it, but I might soon. Despite feeling physically awful, though, I've been actually enjoying myself these past few days, for the first time in ages, by doing what I'm comfortable with, which is making games. While I still don't expect this to become a career path for me or anything, it's very satisfying to have a hobby in which I can integrate skills and ideas into something (at least digitally) tangible.

I suppose this post is a sequel of sorts to ∞ this one ∞ from... four months ago?? Longer than I thought, that. In that post, I wrote about my recent creative efforts and inspirations, and included a link to a game that I'd spent the past several days making. I haven't returned to that game since then, but I suppose what I have been doing is an extension of it, the latest iteration in a series of attempts to pretty much make the same thing.

...Originally I had a long section here rambling about my recent attempts to improve my 3D modelling skills, but I cut that out and will post it as a separate entry soon, maybe. The main point I was getting at in it was that I've been practising, and now I feel that I'm at the point where I can actually make a game myself in 3D. A simple one, of course; I'm hardly going to be making AAA-quality graphics or anything. But not everything has to look like that to be worthwhile... right?!

I was inspired to make this game about a week ago, and I can't remember exactly what planted the initial seed. The creative process is interesting like that, I think... How I can go months without wanting to make anything game-related at all, then, based on a random spark of insight that I didn't plan at all, I can spend the better part of several days madly focused on bringing a working prototype to life. So different, I imagine, to the more professional process which would involve board meetings and discussions about profit margins and focus groups or whatever. I'm not making a product here. I'm choosing this medium to enjoy and express myself, in my spare time. And it probably won't work out. But it's fun while it lasts.

Anyway, speaking of fun, the game is about suicide. Fun! It's essentially just the elaboration of themes I've been trying to explore for ages. Years ago, I wanted to write about protagonists with mental health issues just trying to face life in the world they happened to live in (an old, barely-started project called Timid Cervid, and some things I made in Alora Fane: Creation). Then I imagined that difficult emotions might become manifest, so as to be faced more directly (Taming Dreams). Then I planned a story where the shy, sensitive, female protagonist I always try to write explored her own dreamscape (Soulmate). Divine Dreams - ∞ this thing ∞, mentioned in the other post - was a recent attempt to tell a similar story without it being a game.

Setting

The story of this game, Embracing Eternity, would begin with the protagonist 'waking up' after having just killed herself for emotional reasons. She realises that her suicide didn't solve anything; she's still as emotionally pained as she was before, and now she's stranded here in some kind of afterlife realm, alone. This place is literally a state of mind; thoughts and feelings become manifest, and have to be faced directly... but they can't be defeated with force. She has to embrace them, accept them as part of herself, to overcome them.

While the exploration of the afterlife presents the opportunity for grand, Hollywood-esque setpieces like enormous glowing cities and such, this would be more constrained and intimate. There'd be a cast of four characters - three people who've taken their own lives, and the angel who guides them through this place - and the game world would consist of almost claustrophobic representations of each of their own minds. Ultimately it'd explore why they did what they did and the consequences of it; there'd be no 'impersonal' plot beyond their own stories.




The character you'd control is Fey, an 18-year-old girl who killed herself because her boyfriend - who was also her only friend - left her because of her insecurities and clinginess. No prizes for guessing why I'd write a character like this! Though I suppose there are many reasons. Unlike the tender, sensitive INFJ types I've repeatedly gone with in the past, she'd be more unstable and rebellious, melodramatic. She's particularly fond of a rock/metal band called Shattered Spirit, who had a bunch of songs about emotional pain and turmoil, romanticising it; the lead singer killed himself, aged 27, and that's partly what influenced her to do the same. Design-wise, she's got the same fanciful noose hair design that Ego had in Divine Dreams (and Soulmate, where she was originally from), because I find it morbidly amusing.

Upon awakening in the afterlife, she's soon met by Viva, who's apparently an angel, and who serves as her knowledgeable guide. She seems oddly familiar to Fey - though she can't quite remember where from - but also surprisingly hostile and critical towards her, in a condescending kind of way. She seems to enjoy pain. She guides Fey through the post-death process, but is evasive about pretty much everything. She wears an iridescent rainbow suit.

They eventually meet Vex, the boastful but tormented lead singer/guitarist of a band called Shattered Spirit... who of course Fey "would have died" for a chance to meet in life. He's gruff but sensitive, macho but poetic. He sees his own suicide as a successful escape from the Prison of Suffering (a title of one of his songs, as it happens) that was Earth, but there's more to it than that. He was rich and famous, but clearly that didn't make him happy. He's different to other characters I've written in the past, so it'd be interesting to see whether I could pull him off.

The third person who joins you is (possibly) called Sam Sara, and he - or she; gender seems to be irrelevant to them - is a sort of scientist-monk who spent their life studying spirituality both scientifically and introspectively before making the conscious choice to end their life so then they could explore the realm beyond more directly. They (already I'm getting annoyed at having to use the singular 'they') are full of knowledge and understanding about the world the group find themselves in, but their guidance and 'facts' don't always correspond to what Viva explains. This is a similar character to the Sam Sara from Divine Dreams, but in a different context and with a different appearance; I don't know whether I'll reuse the name or come up with a different one to keep the characters separate. Also, using a human character who doesn't have a clear gender could be interesting (they believe they've transcended such an aspect of the ego; Fey calls them 'him', Vex calls them 'her', and they don't mind either way).

All of these designs are going through concept stages, and none are finalised yet; I've got a bunch of sketches of alternate appearances for each character and had to pick some without conviction just to have an image to show. Hopefully each of them would be interesting in their own ways.

The general idea of the game is to explore both the reasons why people choose to end their lives, and the consequences... I suppose it's a way of thinking about the consequences myself. It definitely won't be romanticising suicide, or making light of it.

Gameplay

I've designed the gameplay with ease of construction in mind. That is, I'm making it small and simple so then I can conceivably finish it (whether or not I stick with it long enough to do so remains to be seen though). I'm not planning some vast world map and a 50-hour meandering story or anything. Rather, the world is broken into three fairly simple dungeons, each with three levels. Each dungeon is the 'mindscape' of one of the characters; a representation of the environment in which they lived, interspersed with memories, fantasies, and scenes from living people still on Earth remembering them. Fey's would look like her house, Vex's would look like the backstage at a concert, Sam Sara's would look like a temple.

The levels of the mindscapes would correspond to the depth at which their story is being explored: The first level is the 'outer shell', the self-story the character presented to the world. The second is the 'inner shell', the self-story they presented to themselves. The third is the 'inner core', the truth about themselves they denied even to themselves. The story would alternate between the dungeons so you'd never do two levels of one consecutively. It's all very formulaic, but I feel that'll make it much easier to complete, and there's satisfaction in being able to predict what's to come (for example, in another game, seeing a council of seven Evil Lords or whatever, and knowing you'll have to fight them one by one)... and in breaks in the predicted pattern.

Mechanically and visually, each mindscape/dungeon level will be divided up into a series of small, somewhat claustrophobic rooms. As such, it's not likely to be visually spectacular or anything, but it means I can build the areas much more easily than if they were all more variable in size and shape. My other games have used this room system, also, so it's familiar to me.

I'm reusing the 'battle' system from Taming Dreams, with modifications inspired by that Wavelengths thing from the other post I linked to. You'd still be 'taming' - or in this case, 'embracing' - manifestations of emotions, because in doing so you'd be accepting them as part of yourself... which I think is a more interesting way of looking at challenges than just "there's a bad thing, kill it with violence!".

The monsters are tentatively called 'figments' (I may change this though), and 'combat' mostly involves using these as abilities, as in Taming Dreams. In Taming Dreams, you could equip two miasmon, one as a 'weapon' and another as a 'shield' (or 'mind' and 'heart', to use the game's terminology). In this, you'd be able to equip a number of figments (maybe three, or six), and you'd be able to cycle through them when choosing your turn. Each one would have a skill that could be executed, and/or the last one you had 'out' would be used defensively when you were targeted. Taming multiple instances of the same 'species' would perhaps level up the one of that species you already had, and every character might be able to use the instance of that species if they wanted (it's not like they're physical objects, after all). You'd also gain permanent boons to enhance the characters by repeatedly using species to 'integrate' them, as in Taming Dreams; this would replace typical EXP based character growth.

Characters would also collect Memento items as the plot progressed, which would grant them special abilities unique to them which they could use as an action instead of 'casting' a figment. Beyond this, there'd be no items to collect or equip or anything... though I might change that if it feels too empty.

The prototype

I've already built a prototype. It took me about five days! Honestly I'm impressed that I made it so quickly... but then I suppose this is always the case. There's a burst of intense motivation where I build an engine, followed by burnout and waning motivation as I try and actually build the assets. This time felt different though because I was using Unity rather than Flash, so a lot of low-level technical things were already done for me. Perhaps working with this will make the process feel fresh for the first time since my MARDEK days? We'll see.

The prototype stars my Gemma character (who I use as a placeholder in a lot of things) and Oneira from Divine Dreams, though they're only temporary; I'm mostly using them because I made models for them a while ago. I made those models because I really intended to get back to Divine Dreams, but felt I should make it 3D because otherwise I'd end up stifled by the limitations of the 2D text-message-based format that currently exists. I suppose I've veered off path since then (mostly because of university commitments), but I don't consider it abandoned just yet.

The models don't necessarily reflect the final art style I'll use. I think their heads are too big, for a start! I've recently been working on some other 3D models with heads I like more - and which are easier to do emotes with - so I'll use what I learned from those to make more expressive characters. Also, the crudely-made figments I've included are (obviously?) temporary and won't be in the final version! I was just going to use placeholder primitive shapes like cubes etc, but got carried away.

Here are some screenshots:

















And here's a link to a (hopefully) working web player version: [LINK]

It seems to work okay for me in Chrome and Firefox, though some little details seem off (the menu gradient is upside down for some reason, for example). I'm not too concerned about this version being perfect, since if I ever released the thing properly, it wouldn't be as a web player version! But Unity allows easy export to such a format, so I thought I might as well upload it like this.



Some specific comments about the web player prototype:

It works well with an XBox Controller, but keyboard keys should work too. The controls are:
Move - left thumbstick, or arrows/WASD
Menu - Y or Enter
Confirm - A or Space (you'll need to press this to start the game)
Back/Cancel - B or Esc
Cycle through figments (in 'battle') or characters in the menu - L and R or the left and right Shift keys
Memento skill (in 'battle') - X or left Alt
The environmental textures, and the space background (skybox) - which are the best-looking things in the game - weren't made by me; I got them from Google Image Search. I feel bad about that since they're playing such a big role in actually setting up the feeling of the experience and the textures I'll make myself eventually probably won't be as nice... but I didn't have time to make my own, and this seemed better than just using flat colours.

The (temporary) music is mine, though; the main track is one I composed for Divine Dreams but didn't use, and the battle track is from Taming Dreams (and it loops badly here).

While the Unity web player might technically work on mobiles, this won't because there's no support for tap input, so you can't get past the title screen (if it even loads at all).

In the past, I've used menu-heavy 'battle' interfaces because that's what the games that inspired me did. In this, I've tried to use an interface-less control style during 'battles'. You cycle through figments with the L and R buttons, use a figment skill with the A button, and use a memento skill with X (you can't cycle between mementos yet, but you'll be able to eventually). I'm hoping this will streamline things and make it feel more involved, maybe? We'll see. I personally haven't played a JRPG combat system like this before, but maybe it's been done before somewhere.

The excitement (heart) thing returns from Taming Dreams, as do runes, sentiments and moods. There are six sentiments that are basically the same as the ones in Wavelengths, but with different names. They come in three opposing pairs: Bliss/Sorrow, Amity/Enmity, and Lust/Fear. Characters can have up to three moods, one for each pair, but moods of the opposing sentiment override the mood in that 'slot'. Figments can't have moods, but have a single sentiment; characters don't have a sentiment. Characters' moods and figments' innate sentiment affinities boost the effectiveness of the corresponding sentiment (and vulnerability to it) while weakening the opposing one (both offensively and defensively).



Runes work like Taming Dreams and Wavelengths. The closer they match, the more effective. So an AFG person using an A skill on an ATJ target will be very effective because the A matches both the user and target's rune, but the same AFG person using a J skill on an RFG target will be very poor because the J is very different from both their rune and the target's. I like this system, but I understand that it's, well, hard to understand! Hopefully I'd be able to make it clear in the actual game without overwhelming people...

Since it's a pain to have to think about exactly which runes and sentiments and etc match up to produce which levels of effectiveness, the coloured light under the current target corresponds to the effectiveness of the figment skill you're about to use. The warmer the colour, the more effective it'll be. That should alleviate a lot of the confusion, hopefully!

The "HP" bars are represented as a coloured 'halo' above characters, and you have to 'build' the halo for opposing figments in order to fully tame/embrace them. I like this because it looks fairly unique (and feels thematically apt), but I wonder if it'll look awkward to more practically-minded players. (Originally I had a Taming Dreams/MARDEK-like status interface, with boxes for each character's "HP" bar etc, but I felt it looked dull and old-fashioned and wanted to try something new.)

The menu in particular is very rudimentary.

You should be able to make it fullscreen, but it wasn't designed for that, and some bits (the menu in particular) don't look quite right. It also draws attention to the crudeness of the temporary models!

You can't be defeated yet! Thankfully, since the balancing is terrible at the moment.

You can't view descriptions of skills yet, nor are their names 'announced' when they're used. I'll add those eventually.

Obviously the skills all using the same simple particle effect is something that'll change eventually too!



I'd like to know what you think (otherwise I wouldn't have posted this), but just bear in mind that this is like a week's worth of work (including planning and prototype building) so it's hardly a finished product!!