PERSONAL

0

3,187

Talent Pools

9 years ago1,823 words

So much of 'success' in life is about being in the right place at the right time and knowing the right people... You could have tons of skill or 'talent', but it usually requires the right nurturing environment - and the contributions of other similarly skilled people - in order to be used to create something amazing. But where do you even find people whose skills are on the same level as your own?

I've been developing games alone for several years now. I certainly had the passion and I'd like to feel I had some skill (though I've divided my attention and now can do many things moderately well but no one thing masterfully well), and that my ideas could be relatively original, but I've not reached professional heights with it, largely because it's difficult to do that alone.

There were a few reasons I never worked with other people. Social anxiety played a huge part, as did the fact that everyone in this line of work is male and I feel uncomfortable about that. But more than that, it's largely because I didn't meet anyone who could contribute in a meaningful way. I've certainly had people offer their help or skills, but the fact is that skills take years of hard work to develop, and most people just don't have the time, patience or inclination to go through the necessary steps. Good intentions only go so far. If someone wants to contribute graphics but can't draw, the work would be hurt - not helped - by their input. And those that do have enough skill are probably busy using that skill to make a living for themselves.

I get the impression that those who do become quite adept at their skill(s) of choice come from or move to environments that nurture them. Devoted schools, things like that. There, they receive teaching from masters of that particular craft, develop industry contacts, and generally follow a professional path alongside other skilled, ambitious people, all learning and growing from one another, pooling their talents in order to create what one alone could not.

I've been watching a lot of Pixar films recently, particularly their really old shorts, reading about the creative team's origins and the behind-the-scenes story of it all. It's interesting how many of the core features of 3D graphics were designed by the earliest members of the Pixar team; how they've been pioneers for the medium and wowed people since the very beginning. But that beginning was only possible due to the millions of dollars contributed by already-successful people such as Steve Jobs and George Lucas, the gathering together of young geniuses who just happened to attend certain schools, the synthesis of their talents and the financial, intellectual, and social support of the people around them...

I watch a lot of animation in general, and read about the people behind it. There's one school in particular where most important or influential people in the industry have gone: CalArts. ∞ This list of CalArts graduates ∞ contains names such as John Lasseter of Pixar, Pendleton Ward of Adventure Time, Alex Hirsch of Gravity Falls, Tim Burton, a bunch of more obscure but still influential names I personally recognise (most in the Film/Video section)... It seems they all become friends at that place, and even if that doesn't directly lead to shared professional paths, meeting a fellow CalArts alumnus somewhere down the line leads to instant rapport and the opening of many doors.

Of course, you have to be super talented to get into somewhere like that in the first place, and that requires a background which encourages and nurtures the pursuit of your particular talents. Masters of their craft usually either have parents who were also masters of that craft, or they had friends or an environment which gave them ample opportunities and motivation to do what they loved regularly to the point where they became amazing at it.

If your parents are great musicians, you'll likely be taught to play multiple instruments from an early age, and you'd be infused with a love of music that would give you the motivation to involve yourself in it regularly. You might meet similarly-inclined friends, form a band together, discover - through your parents' contacts, perhaps - a great school to go to which further develops your musical skills... Then more nurturing and contacts leads to you becoming a shining star, an influential name in that field.

If however you grow up with one deadbeat parent who sits in his chair drinking himself stupid every day, ignoring your needs and fuelling your anxieties, what hope do you have? You can try your best, but ultimately you're like a flower trying to flourish in a dank basement. But it was never your choice. It's all about the hand you've been dealt.

Well, sort of. My ex didn't have an amazing background, but a few years ago she did decide that she wanted to find a career in something art-related, and found a fancy school to go to where small, close-knit classes of talented people were taught intensively by experienced professionals who'd worked on popular media. Through that, she was able to get a job in the industry, surrounded by others who'd earned their place there through their skills.

I'd sort of tried to follow a similar path, but - like with so much in life - wasn't very lucky. My school was poorly-chosen and apparently far less prestigious; my classmates' skills were not exactly impressive. I made no friends. Towards the end of my time there, consumed by depression and a deep sense of failure and misfortune, I contacted my ex to find out what she'd been doing with her life. But when she told me, I felt so consumed by deep envy that I spent days sulking in bed about what my life could have become if only I'd had the opportunities. I dread to learn what she's been doing since then in case the same thing happens again. I want her to succeed, of course, and hope she has, but knowing that she has while I very much haven't just cuts me up inside.

Her school was in Vancouver, though, which is regarded as one of the hotspots for the animation industry. Pixar had a studio there for a while. She already lived close, so moving there was fairly trivial. I suppose that even if her home life hadn't been as lucky - nurturing-wise - as some, then at least the luck of her birth did put her close to somewhere that might provide what she needs.

Striving for some kind of 'success' - and failing to achieve it as I'm trapped by mental barriers - is a big part of my personal story which is on my mind a lot. I'm constantly comparing my path through life to that of others. I make the mistake though of comparing myself to the elite, the best of the best, when they only represent a tiny, tiny, tiny fraction of the population.

I've made a few observations recently that made me feel a bit better about my own creative contributions to the world (or my potential, at least). A lot of artists have Patreon accounts these days, and it's interesting seeing how many set them up and promote them in earnest, but their pages show that they're earning $0 a month from 0 patrons. I always feel bad for them since it's obvious they're really trying. Even amazingly skilled and popular artists earn relatively little from it, though. ∞ This artist ∞ has almost 7 million pageviews on deviantART; way, way more than most (I have around 600,000, for comparison, which is still abnormally high, though most of those came from MARDEK and the number's barely changed for years). However, on ∞ Patreon ∞, she's 'only' earning about $450 a month at the moment (though I wonder if that's partly because of poor promotion; I struggled to find a link to her page). I think a big reason for this is because most artists are admired by other artists rather than 'laypeople', and most artists are poor, so even if they like the work of other artists, they generally don't have the cash to spare to support them. And they watch so many artists that perhaps it's hard to focus their support on just one. Perhaps there's something about the fleeting, non-interactive nature of 'mere pictures' that makes them feel they lack value, too. I wonder.

Those are people creating art alone, though. I notice that most creative teams are mostly men, no matter what medium it is. Most programmers, engineers, and games developers are male, of course, but so too are most animators, most filmmakers, most comic artists, and so on. Not all, of course, but facts like how Steven Universe is the first cartoon by a woman definitely underline this gender bias. It bothers me, though, because the kind of work that women create often speaks to me more than what men make. My ideal situation would be to work with a bunch of women for this reason.

I found a webcomic earlier which I assumed at a glance was made by a woman, and checked its About page to confirm that. ∞ It seems ∞ that it's written and made by one 'technically-minded' man and a bunch of women who do the art. Interesting, and I wonder why that is. Whether it has something to do with men being more 'driven' in some sense to achieve positions of 'power' or influence, while women are more likely to seek positions of employment, to offer their services, or to indulge in their personal projects in a more socially-oriented rather than 'success'-oriented way. I wonder. I also wonder how those people found one another, and whether the guy deliberately chose women for similar reasons to why I might.

Anyway, I'm just rambling at this point. Lacking the right social connections or environment has prevented me from thriving as well as I feel I possibly could have, and that gets to me. But I suppose all I can really do at this point is work slowly on dissolving the thoughts related to this. The expectations, the dissatisfaction, the wishes and dreams. Those thoughts are what get to me, but they're just figments. I don't need to change my world to be content. I just need to clear those inner clouds.

Easier said than done, of course, but writing out things like this helps a bit.

I do wonder what my future holds, though. Whether I'll ever find the right people or place, or whether I'll develop psychologically and spiritually to the point where it won't matter.