Alora Fane

I'm trying to write a bit of text that succinctly summarises Sindrel Song in a way that'd pique the interest of people who've never played it before. I'm interested in your thoughts!

Those of you who are testers will know that I already have some text in the game when you click on an (i) icon thing explaining my personal reasons for making the game, which I think adds a lot to the intrigue of the experience. But that was written for people who've already made the decision to play the game.

I want to write something that I can use in various places to explain what the game is to new people, such as the Kartridge (and eventually Steam) pages for it. I've been working on it for a bit, and it's taking longer than I thought it would because I feel there's a lot to cram in, and I'm having to be careful about wording etc.

It's reminding me of when I had to write essays at university, keeping to a word limit; I'd always go way over and had to spend a whole day or more just rereading it a billion times reluctantly trimming out words...

Here's what I have so far:

In Memody: Sindrel Song, you must mimic memorised musical melodies to form bonds that'll make life more appealing than death, despite the dark daemon in your head.

It's a different kind of music game, focused on melody notes, not just rhythm. It's like learning an instrument, where the fumbling frustration of unfamiliarity gradually blossoms into the satisfying thrill of performance.

A 'sindrel' called Memody awakens fully developed into the light of life, unusually confused about who she is or how the world works. The daemon in her head speaks darkly, providing 'guidance' that's painful, negative, full of fear. Life feels less like a gift and more like a curse; the opposite is true for her impending death. She meets other sindrels, who share their stories as songs. By listening carefully, and demonstrating understanding, she befriends them, learns why they live, and makes memories that might make life worth holding onto.

Everything in the game was made by one person with a broken brain. I've struggled with mental illness all my life: depression, and severe anxiety, where I'm constantly tormented by painful memories of my social failures. On top of that, I was diagnosed with brain cancer, and had major brain surgery to treat it, which I was told could impair my memory. All this has prevented me from developing a career or relationships. I've wondered whether to keep living at all.

This game's mechanics allowed me to exercise my memory to prevent it deteriorating. But listening carefully and demonstrating understanding is a skill that's always beneficial for truly bonding with others. The story explores living with a mind that's your own worst enemy, and finding meaning and purpose in life despite deep and persistent pain and loss.

The word limit for Kartridge is 2000 characters, and this is around 2600. So it's obviously too long, not just in a technical sense but also in terms of whether people would bother to read it. Something short and snappy would be better. But I've included what I have because I feel it's all important, so I'm having to decide what to trim out.

Some of the wording is also awkward, so I'll need to revise that.

What kinds of things might you focus on if recommending this to other people? What do you think is irrelevant and could easily be cut out?

(I'm mostly writing about this openly here because it helps me to think, apparently!)

EDIT: The original version was ~2600 characters; this one's been trimmed down to 1762 (289 words). It may still be too long though.

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