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Sindrel Song as an 'Incel Game'

5 years ago2,396 words

There's a comment on the previous post which is apparently a negative review left on Sindrel Song on Kartridge. It mentions that the story's take on mental illness is childish, and the rest of the dialogue is 'odd incel talk'. I've been wondering to what extent other people might get a similar impression.

I struggle with depression, though normally I'm able to push through it and get things done. Not so these past couple of days, where I've very much sunk into the deep end and been completely crippled by it. I spent the majority of yesterday in bed.

There are many factors that have contributed to this decline, such as the fact I've not exactly been making progress releasing Sindrel Song, I'm not sure what to work on next, people have been more closed to change regarding MARDEK than I expected, interest in Belief is lacking, some people out there seem to be trying to steal my ideas and hold a negative opinion of me to the point of apparently wanting me to commit suicide (or so one of the commenters said)... A bunch of things, that have all built up and crushed me under their weight, especially since I have a very limited in-person support network. I do have brain cancer though!

It's difficult.

I normally wake up between 5 and 6, but just couldn't be bothered today and went back to bed until like 10. I feel a bit less bad now at least, so maybe that helped? I'm probably sleep deprived anyway.

I originally wrote a long venting post about a lot of that, and it did help to do so, but I think it's best to keep it to myself. That way, I get the benefits of having written it without having to endure the criticism or 'helpful advice' it might provoke.

There was something I talked about in it though that's lingered on my mind, and I want to talk about it openly in this post. On the previous post, someone mentioned what's apparently a negative review of Sindrel Song on Kartridge:



At first, my reaction to that was of course emotional, especially since I was in a bad place mentally at the time as it was. It's no longer causing that reaction in me (at least not as strongly...), though there are some concerns that I still have about it. Things like this get to me not just because "wah, a person said a nasty thing and it hurt my feeeeeliiiings! D:", but because I become concerned that they'll come to represent a majority (or significant minority) view once the game's seen by people who have less reason to be sympathetic towards me than the people who follow me here, and that that'll determine how anyone else sees the game, or me as a developer, and whether they're willing to buy it or share it with others.

It's especially concerning considering the 'cancel culture' we seem to live in, where people can get mobbed literally to death for the grievous sin of wrongthink.

There are three key things here that I'll address individually.



One is the issue of frustrating difficulty. This is something I've been aware of through development and have tried to address via various additions and changes, but I think ultimately it's an unavoidable component of the game mechanics at their most fundamental level. It's like saying that chess is frustrating because it's not easily won, that you have to think several moves ahead and it's mentally taxing, and suggesting the game's changed to accommodate people who don't want that kind of mental exercise. You can't, really, without making it something it's not.

But it's interesting from a psychological perspective thinking about what might be going on here. We interpret the world through mental schemata, categories, and once a thing is categorised, we have expectations that it'll have properties common to that category. So if someone's going into Sindrel Song with the assumption that it's a 'rhythm game', then all the assumptions of what that genre includes come with that, and when they're not met, there's frustration. But it isn't a rhythm game. It's a music game, but not all music games are rhythm games (or at least they don't necessarily have to be; why would they?). It's why it's more useful to see it as a 'memory game' that uses music as a medium, because, like memory games, it engages short-term memory rather than pure reflex. It's interesting that this person mentions Hammer's song, as it's closer to the cognitive schema they had for how 'this type of game should be'.

I think overall though it'll be difficult to convince people that this isn't a rhythm game, because it uses music so it must be, right?

It can be fun if you go in with the right mentality, expecting a memory game, but I think I'm just going to have to ready myself for people's frustration about this. I see the game as a gameplay experiment that didn't quite work out, but it's made now so what's done is done.



I wonder if this reviewer has mental health issues themselves, or if they only know about them second-hand. Assuming that all mental conditions are due to explicit trauma is interesting, which is why I wonder whether it reflects their own experience. Some people definitely are fairly 'normal' through their early years, but accumulate severe mental scars following specific traumatic events. This isn't the case for us all though. Some of us do have minds that are 'broken' from birth, simply as a result of their biological wiring. (And I say this as someone with a psychology degree.)

I wonder if this is common understanding, though, or whether it'd be met with the same opposition there seems to be for any kind of determinism from certain kinds of minds. The sorts of minds who idealistically believe that we're all free to be whatever we want to be, we're all working with the same arsenal, we're all the same and equal and the only thing that determines how we turn out is our choices, or injustices inflicted upon us by others.

It'd be interesting if this sparked a discussion, with some people saying "mental illness doesn't work like that" and others saying "well mine does".

It being comical is intentional though, as I've talked about on this blog before. It's rendered absurd as way of showing that these kinds of thoughts are absurd, that the stupid demons in our heads aren't exactly beacons of rationality, holders of truth. They're best seen as ridiculous overreactors whose twisted 'advice' we can ignore much of the time if we want to avoid getting dragged by them into some dark pit. That's the whole point I was trying to make with this game.

But maybe some people won't get this? Perhaps it'll be seeming to trivialise the genuine troubles of people caught tightly in their own demons' grip? Those demons don't want to be seen as absurd of course, so they'll object to the very idea. Perhaps only people who've already achieved some distancing from their demons will feel it's meaningful rather than insulting or naively flippant? I wonder.

The person also seemed to take issue with the 'mountains from molehills' nature of some mental illness. Oh, how I wish that wasn't how mental illness worked! Though of course 'mental illness' is too vague a term, and in this case it's written based specifically on my own experiences with social anxiety/avoidant personality disorder. Obsessing forever over trivialities is how it works, frustratingly. But if you've no experience with that, of course it looks ridiculous.



Now, there's the bit about 'incels', which is my main concern. 'Incel' is one of the bugbears of the era, and it's not one I want me or my work to be associated with. Sindrel Song isn't an 'incel game', but it does contain enough that I can see how people so inclined could perceive it as such.

It's interesting with these trending terms how people see them manifested readily, as in doing so they (subconsciously) become 'part of something'. I remember when 'resting bitch face' was a meme of the moment in many minds, and I'd hear people talking around me in university lectures about how this photo or that statue had 'resting bitch face', how they wondered if they had 'resting bitch face' themselves, etc, etc. Of course it was soon forgotten and I imagine references to that are rare now, as it tends to go with these things, but while it was fresh in people's minds, anything remotely reminiscent of the concept was labelled as such.

Sindrel Song deals with themes of being lonely, being a misfit, and being 'defective'. It also deals with genetic fitness using physical traits, which came from me studying Psychology at university before I even learned that 'incels' were a thing (I had in mind birds with varying degrees of vibrancy in their plumage, as that was the example used when I was taught sexual selection). Attractive creatures have an advantage over unattractive ones - especially when it comes to mating - which is determined at birth; to deny this, you'd have to have your head in the sand.

The incels have run away with the idea to an extreme degree, and they're convinced that it determines everything. But that's not quite right either. Imagine Danny DeVito being cast as, say, Captain America in the MCU. Would he have the same sexy/admirable appeal? Obviously not. But Danny DeVito is a celebrity and is (I think?) married with children. Looks are a barrier to certain things, but they're not the insurmountable one that incels claim.



In Sindrel Song, there's a character called Duhrge, who obsesses about death because he's failed in life. Most notably, he's failed to find love and sex, and it's because he's genetically unfortunate; his skin isn't as vibrant as other males', his energy levels aren't as high, and his physical skills aren't as sharp.

There are obvious parallels here with incels, but I wonder what it is exactly that makes someone or something 'incel' in the minds of the masses who've not given it any deeper thought than adopting a cultural meme. Is feeling pain from failing at the mating game enough? (There are some horrible implications if it is; are people not allowed to feel bad about misfortune beyond their control?) Or is the hostile misogyny a crucial part of it?

There's nothing about Duhrge - or any of the characters - that's hostile or misogynistic. The main character, Memody, also talks about going without sex - or 'charging' - though she's a she, and her reasons are different (mental illness and poor circumstances). Mate finding is the reason we're born, from a biological standpoint, and as such relationships and sex attract our interest more than most things. Failure in this domain seemed a good, relatable emotional hook, better than other forms of lack like, say, being born into poverty rather than wealth (which would also have required more of a culture than sindrels have).

A few years ago, Duhrge and Hammer would likely have been understood as 'lonely nerd' and 'promiscuous jock' stereotypes, which wouldn't have had negative connotations, but with the 'incel' meme, I wonder how a modern audience would interpret them. Would they be sympathetic towards Duhrge, as the story intends for them to be? Or would they react with revulsion because anything remotely 'incel' is immediately bad? And is Course an 'incel' because she's caught up about being unable to reproduce?

I've talked about incels in this blog before with sympathy, because while I don't exactly approve of or share their misogyny or wallowing in despair and frustration, I'd rather understand why people are feeling the way they are than condemn them for feeling that way. But I get the feeling this isn't the majority view.

Oh, and I haven't seen the Joker film that was recently released, but I've heard some reviewers are invoking the 'incel' term to describe it. That doesn't seem to be a barrier to its success, but since it's based on a well-known character, that success was guaranteed anyway in a way that Sindrel Song's wouldn't be.



I've written about this in my usual exhaustive detail largely for the catharsis of it, but also because I'm just curious about the psychology here.

This specific person didn't understand the experience, but how many people would? It's not truth or intention that matters, it's interpretation, and the thought that some horrendous reputation could build up around this, leaving a scar on my reputation as a developer and a person, is a frightening one that does make me hesitant to publish it at all.

It's difficult to think of approaching publishers if I'm trying to convince them to support a "frustrating incel furry childish suicide game", so the next steps I'll need to take feel even harder to take than they already did.

I do need to do that sooner rather than later, though. I'll try to get back into it on Monday, rather than focusing on Belief or MARDEK or all that.