Alora Fane

I'm not sure what, though. Should I buy a PS4 on a whim??

I've started the self-publishing process for Sindrel Song, but apparently it'll take quite a long time. Just approving the various forms I spent hours filling in takes 2-7 days, and it also mentioned some 30 day approval period, and two weeks to review any uploaded game for safety, appropriateness, etc, which might be on top of the 30 days, or part of it? I don't know, I'll have to find out as I go. The point is that there's little I can do with it now other than wait.

It did mention that those two weeks are when you should be promoting the game and getting people to add it to their wishlists or whatever, so I'll start worrying about that then.

For now, I'm planning to work on Belief... though I've also been telling myself for a while that if I want to make games, I should be playing them a lot more than I am, like every day (which very much isn't the case at the moment). I've been saying to myself that I should look into indie games, since they're what I'm making myself and would be a much better source of inspiration than the mass-appeal triple-A ones, but I keep putting it off. Largely it's because of CRIPPLING INSECURITY; I assume those games will be similar to what I'm doing, but better, and even if that might not actually be true, it's intimidating and leads to avoidance behaviour. AAA games don't have the same effect, since I know they're well beyond what I could ever produce alone, so they feel less like direct rivals. But since they're games, they can still inspire, of course.

I feel like I spend almost all my time trying to do development work at the moment, but I waste too much of the time feeling fatigued or uninspired. I envy people who have a clear separation between their work and play places and times. For me, it's get up, go to this computer, work, sleep, repeat. If I could at least get a break from this damn desk by at least playing games away from it, I feel like that could actually help my productivity. And sanity. I also got into games development because I loved playing games, but I feel like I lost touch with that a while ago, and rekindling it could help in a lot of ways. I'll be more interested in making games, plus I'll be able to learn from modern experiences instead of basing everything I make on things I played when I was younger, or ideas completely detached from what other people are familiar with.

On a recent post, some of you suggested some games I should play, and I made a list of them. I've been meaning to get around to at least one of the games on that list for ages, but it just feels so weirdly difficult. Maybe it's because I know I'll be playing them on this same PC I work on and it's hard to switch from work mode to a mental mode suited to that, and of course there's the intimidation of them being similar to what I'm trying to do but probably better.

So I've been wondering whether to get a PS4, so then the novelty and investment might 'force' me to start playing it, then once I get into the right state of mind and structure my time to include daily gaming, starting with less intimidating AAA games, it might be easier to continue with other experiences more similar to what I'm trying to make myself? Something like that.

I got a Switch while recovering from brain surgery, mostly to play Breath of the Wild, and the new Pokemon games that'll be coming out later this month. There are only two or three other Switch games that I've played, but no others that I'm especially interested in. I saw something about Kingdom Hearts earlier today though, and was reminded that the third one's out (well, the one with III in the name), which I'd like to play because I grew up with the earlier installments and looked forward to it at one point. There's also the Final Fantasy VII Remake coming out next year that I'm curious about.

I don't exactly have money, though. Ages ago, I talked about getting an Oculus Rift (which I haven't touched in a while, though I did play more games on that than on most consoles I've ever had), and I still remember a not-exactly-pleasant comment from someone on this blog (many months later) criticising me for saying I don't have money, but then going and buying something expensive like that. It made me wonder whether I seemed deceptive or something to everyone. Usually I don't buy anything, but in that case, VR was an experience so different to anything else, and I was so deep in depression that I thought I'd end up killing myself within a year, so I ate into my meagre savings to experience something I'd wanted to since I was little while I still had the chance. Similarly, I got a Switch shortly after the surgery when I couldn't get out of bed, and wasn't sure how much longer I'd live anyway. So I'm not inclined to spend what to me with my lack of significant income are fairly hefty amounts of money on a whim, and usually only do so when there's some strong reason like those.

This situation's different, since death isn't on the immediate horizon anymore, and my income situation hasn't exactly improved as I hoped it might from making a game. And I can't imagine I'll make much at all from Sindrel Song when I do finally get around to releasing it (especially since it'll likely be close to Christmas, unless I delay for months more, which isn't any better).

Apparently I could buy a PS4 console for Â£210. That's not too bad; I thought it'd be a lot more. I could afford it. But what games would I actually want to play? Most of them are these gritty, violent, realistic things that just don't interest me at all despite being massively interesting to most gamers (Red Dead Redemption, for example)...

I'm looking up "top PS4" games. Most of them fall into this category. Strangely, Horizon Zero Dawn registers as more interesting than others despite being in the same general category, though maybe I wouldn't like it anyway. Also, Undertale's mentioned in one of these "top PS4" games lists. Grumble. Wish I'd made Undertale. Wish I could enjoy it instead of just feeling terrible when I see it mentioned! What a horrible way for a mind to function. But making a sudden leap from this mental horribleness to playing something like that is too much, which is why I'm hoping to ease into it via AAA games. Have I ever mentioned that I'm mentally ill??

I stopped playing Kingdom Hearts games when one was released on the PSP, which I didn't have, but I see that there are 'HD remakes' of the games that I've missed available on the PS4. So I could buy several different Kingdom Hearts games and play those back-to-back. That'd be... an ordeal, but they're at least something I have existing curiosity about? Or have I outgrown them? Is that the joy-sapping depression speaking? Hmm.

Beyond that, I don't know. Nothing stands out to me. But it's not as if I ever end up with a ton of games for any console. Usually I just get a handful, and consider it worth the investment anyway because the experiences stick with me for years. I'd rather form deep feelings and memories from a few games than get a whole bunch that I forget soon after or never even finish.

Which of the current generation of consoles do you have, if any? What games would you suggest? Do you feel that getting the consoles you have was worth the investment?

28 COMMENTS

mount201046~5Y

Undertale...?

When I shared MARDEK with friends I knew they immediately noted the similarities with Undertale/Deltarune... I think being the developer you might enjoy it.

Tobias 1115~5Y

I mentioned Undertale in the post. I know I 'should' play it, but because it's so similar to what I've been trying to make for years, but infinitely more successful, it's like some direct rival who's way more successful than I am, and that just makes it unpleasant to even think about.

mount201046~5Y

Ah, dang! My eyes must've glanced over it...
My bad! I'm so sorry.

Maniafig222~5Y

I don't have consoles! I've literally never bought one for myself, my PS1 and PS2 are hand-downs from an older relative, so aside from that I just did my gaming on the PC and handhelds.

I did consider getting a Switch, but ever since Sword/Shield was revealed to not have every Pokémon programmed into the game that idea kinda flew out of the window. Pokémon was always THE handheld seller for me, but I've been rather disillusioned with the series ever since Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire and gen 8 is certainly not going to make me buy a Switch.

I do have most Nintendo handhelds, the most recent one is the 3DS, though I got less mileage out of it than I did the DS. I still got several games for it, but these days it's much more convenient to do all my gaming stuff on the PC. Especially since the PC is able to emulate games from older consoles and handhelds well, so there's a plethora of classics to play.

There lots of PC ports accessible for stores like GOG as well, I just recently got both Rayman 2 and 3 and played them fully. I'd only partly played them as a kid, lacking either a second disc or only playing bits over at a friend's house - oh the olden days when I still had friends to go over to! But finishing them as an adult felt good! The games hold up pretty well, and Rayman 3 is filled with wacky jokes and whatnot which are much easier to appreciate as an adult than as a child.

I suppose that is a distinguishing factor between us, I do most of my work using a PC too, but that PC is a PC in an office specifically for work, so my home PC is pretty much purely used for leisure.

So I can't really recommend much regarding the PS4. At the very least I do recommend just staying away from the triple A market entirely, it's a bunch of soulless, mass-pandering overpriced trite in my view. Skinner boxes and failed deadlines and probably unethically produced by crunching some poor overworked hopeful game devs to meet sales deadlines.

I almost exclusively play indie games these days, those are much cheaper on average and can be just as inspiring if not more so than AAA stuff.

I'm not really sure what to recommend though, I suppose the easier would be to think back to stuff you used to play in the past and play more games in that series, be they modern releases or old games you missed out on.

Anyway, here's some miscellaneous suggestions:
-Shovel Knight: Very well-crafted and designed retro 2D platformer with three campaigns and a fourth coming out later this year. Heavy on charm and with a basic but well-executed plot.
-The Talos Principle: 3D Puzzle game set in some sort of Eden-esque realm with an interesting narrative and some real brainteasers.
-Papers, Please: Unusual game where you process immigrant papers, this is one where people really get invested in the seemingly mundane gameplay as most of the story happens in the background but affects your daily work routines.
-Steven Universe Save the Light: You liked the series, right? The game has the same sort of charm as the series, and has tactical quasi-turn based combat. The artstyle is cute and the plot plays out sort of like a 20-minute special where the Crystal Gems deal with a new Homeworld threat who's come to the Earth to reclaim what she feels is rightfully hers.
-Hypnospace Outlaw: Rather unusual mystery/crime game where you play as an internet moderator in a 90s internet forum, this one is oozing with style and I got really into the little community and the people living in it that the game created.
-Wuppo: This is a little gem that's really overlooked! Sort of 2D platformer/adventure game hybrid. Not a deep plot, but a very cute game.
-Celeste: Another 2D platformer, this one has a plot I think you'd really like! It deals with mental illness and coping strategies in a way that really reminds me of your games.
-Roundabout: This is a weird one, you play as a revolving limousine and drive passengers around, interspersed with some amazing full-motion video cutscenes.
-Braid: Another 2D platformer! Sort of an elaborate deconstruction of Mario. I really like this game, everything feels very hand-crafted and some of the later levels use time mechanics in really clever ways.

There's also staples like Portal and Portal 2, those are some fun puzzle games that I think just about anyone would enjoy.

A Hat in Time is a very promising and charming 3D platformer, I got it yesterday but didn't get around to playing it yet.

Well, that's all I got anyway. Hope some of them might be useful.

I don't have consoles! I've literally never bought one for myself, my PS1 and PS2 are hand-downs from an older relative, so aside from that I just did my gaming on the PC and handhelds.

I did consider getting a Switch, but ever since Sword/Shield was revealed to not have every PokÃ©mon programmed into the game that idea kinda flew out of the window. PokÃ©mon was always THE handheld seller for me, but I've been rather disillusioned with the series ever since Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire and gen 8 is certainly not going to make me buy a Switch.

I do have most Nintendo handhelds, the most recent one is the 3DS, though I got less mileage out of it than I did the DS. I still got several games for it, but these days it's much more convenient to do all my gaming stuff on the PC. Especially since the PC is able to emulate games from older consoles and handhelds well, so there's a plethora of classics to play.

There lots of PC ports accessible for stores like GOG as well, I just recently got both Rayman 2 and 3 and played them fully. I'd only partly played them as a kid, lacking either a second disc or only playing bits over at a friend's house - oh the olden days when I still had friends to go over to! But finishing them as an adult felt good! The games hold up pretty well, and Rayman 3 is filled with wacky jokes and whatnot which are much easier to appreciate as an adult than as a child.

I suppose that is a distinguishing factor between us, I do most of my work using a PC too, but that PC is a PC in an office specifically for work, so my home PC is pretty much purely used for leisure.

So I can't really recommend much regarding the PS4. At the very least I do recommend just staying away from the triple A market entirely, it's a bunch of soulless, mass-pandering overpriced trite in my view. Skinner boxes and failed deadlines and probably unethically produced by crunching some poor overworked hopeful game devs to meet sales deadlines.

I almost exclusively play indie games these days, those are much cheaper on average and can be just as inspiring if not more so than AAA stuff.

I'm not really sure what to recommend though, I suppose the easier would be to think back to stuff you used to play in the past and play more games in that series, be they modern releases or old games you missed out on.

Anyway, here's some miscellaneous suggestions:
-Shovel Knight: Very well-crafted and designed retro 2D platformer with three campaigns and a fourth coming out later this year. Heavy on charm and with a basic but well-executed plot.
-The Talos Principle: 3D Puzzle game set in some sort of Eden-esque realm with an interesting narrative and some real brainteasers.
-Papers, Please: Unusual game where you process immigrant papers, this is one where people really get invested in the seemingly mundane gameplay as most of the story happens in the background but affects your daily work routines.
-Steven Universe Save the Light: You liked the series, right? The game has the same sort of charm as the series, and has tactical quasi-turn based combat. The artstyle is cute and the plot plays out sort of like a 20-minute special where the Crystal Gems deal with a new Homeworld threat who's come to the Earth to reclaim what she feels is rightfully hers.
-Hypnospace Outlaw: Rather unusual mystery/crime game where you play as an internet moderator in a 90s internet forum, this one is oozing with style and I got really into the little community and the people living in it that the game created.
-Wuppo: This is a little gem that's really overlooked! Sort of 2D platformer/adventure game hybrid. Not a deep plot, but a very cute game.
-Celeste: Another 2D platformer, this one has a plot I think you'd really like! It deals with mental illness and coping strategies in a way that really reminds me of your games.
-Roundabout: This is a weird one, you play as a revolving limousine and drive passengers around, interspersed with some amazing full-motion video cutscenes.
-Braid: Another 2D platformer! Sort of an elaborate deconstruction of Mario. I really like this game, everything feels very hand-crafted and some of the later levels use time mechanics in really clever ways.

There's also staples like Portal and Portal 2, those are some fun puzzle games that I think just about anyone would enjoy.

A Hat in Time is a very promising and charming 3D platformer, I got it yesterday but didn't get around to playing it yet.

Well, that's all I got anyway. Hope some of them might be useful.

Tobias 1115~5Y

If I ever earn enough money to do this, I'd like to set up a separate 'office' purely for work which is separate from a computer I use for gaming. I've been wanting that for years, because I'm sure it'd make a huge difference psychologically, but for now I'm mostly looking for something that'd get me away from this damn thing at least for a while each day.

That's definitely true about AAA titles, and a lot of the pandering-to-the-masses design decisions would just be different to anything I'd be wanting to make myself, so not inspiring.

But it's annoying how intimidating indie games are for me at the moment, since I'm making them myself but I've had no financial success yet. It'd be a different matter if I had a couple of well-earning games out there, so I could play games by others and feel as if I were looking at the creations of 'others like me', or something - I really like that idea - but for now it just feels like... Have you ever seen the film Amadeus? I haven't, but from what I know about it, it's about a composer called Salieri, who has a one-sided rivalry with Mozart. In his eyes, Mozart is incredibly gifted and successful without even having to try, whereas he tries hard but gets nowhere and it all feels so horribly unfair. Something like that. It's part of the territory for creative people, comparing ourselves to others and feeling bad when we fall short. I linked to a video recently where some professional animators were tasked with drawing characters from memory, and they drew in pairs, facing each other but unable to see each other's screens. When they finished, they swapped and reviewed each other's work, and it was really interesting how obvious the crushing feelings of comparison were; "ugh, this is way better than what I drew!".

I miss just being a game player who didn't think like this... One of the thoughts I had about getting into Psychology instead was 'maybe I can enjoy other games again!', but, well, here I am again!

So I'm thinking that I could use AAA games to just get used to playing games regularly, since they're less like direct rivals. Then maybe I could transition to more indie titles. I'm thinking Kingdom Hearts for a start just because I liked the series in the past.

It's interesting though how in the lists of "top 30 PS4 games" I looked at, the ones I paused at and considered most were the indie ones with more remarkable premises and unique graphical styles. All the others just seemed so samey. Skinner boxes, like you said. Manipulatively manufactured for profit.

I've actually played a couple of the games you mentioned! I played Braid like a decade ago, and again a couple of years ago, and I'd say that's one of my favourite games, and one I think about quite often. I've played The Talos Principle and liked that a whole lot as well. I'd recommend both myself to anyone who's not played them.

I'd forgotten about the Steven Universe game! I wanted to play that, but it wasn't available on anything I had when I last checked. I see it's on a few different things now; I'll probably get that for my Switch.

Oh, I got a Switch, by the way, mostly for Breath of the Wild, and I consider it worth it just for that. I like that game a lot.

I replayed Portal 1 and 2 a few months ago, funnily enough! I like those too.

Of the others, I've heard of Shovel Knight and Celeste, though they're in that 'rivalry' mental area at the moment so I'll have to work up to them. I'll make a list of the others and look into them, even if I don't actually play them. So thanks for the suggestions!

I've been watching a couple of youtubers recently who seem to play a lot of games like how you described Papers, Please (I think that was one of the ones I saw actually). I'm surprised how many of them there are! Things like deciding who to let into a fallout shelter, selling items to people in a shop, approving employees for a job... Is it a popular genre, or are none of them successful but developers still decide to make them anyway? Seems so strange to me.

That's definitely true about AAA titles, and a lot of the pandering-to-the-masses design decisions would just be different to anything I'd be wanting to make myself, so not inspiring.

But it's annoying how /intimidating/ indie games are for me at the moment, since I'm making them myself but I've had no financial success yet. It'd be a different matter if I had a couple of well-earning games out there, so I could play games by others and feel as if I were looking at the creations of 'others like me', or something - I really like that idea - but for now it just feels like... Have you ever seen the film Amadeus? I haven't, but from what I know about it, it's about a composer called Salieri, who has a one-sided rivalry with Mozart. In his eyes, Mozart is incredibly gifted and successful without even having to try, whereas he tries hard but gets nowhere and it all feels so horribly unfair. Something like that. It's part of the territory for creative people, comparing ourselves to others and feeling bad when we fall short. I linked to a video recently where some professional animators were tasked with drawing characters from memory, and they drew in pairs, facing each other but unable to see each other's screens. When they finished, they swapped and reviewed each other's work, and it was really interesting how obvious the crushing feelings of comparison were; "ugh, this is way better than what I drew!".

I miss just being a game /player/ who didn't think like this... One of the thoughts I had about getting into Psychology instead was 'maybe I can enjoy other games again!', but, well, here I am again!

So I'm thinking that I could use AAA games to just get used to playing games regularly, since they're less like direct rivals. Then maybe I could transition to more indie titles. I'm thinking Kingdom Hearts for a start just because I liked the series in the past.

It's interesting though how in the lists of "top 30 PS4 games" I looked at, the ones I paused at and considered most were the indie ones with more remarkable premises and unique graphical styles. All the others just seemed so samey. Skinner boxes, like you said. Manipulatively manufactured for profit.

I've actually played a couple of the games you mentioned! I played Braid like a decade ago, and again a couple of years ago, and I'd say that's one of my favourite games, and one I think about quite often. I've played The Talos Principle and liked that a whole lot as well. I'd recommend both myself to anyone who's not played them.

I'd forgotten about the Steven Universe game! I wanted to play that, but it wasn't available on anything I had when I last checked. I see it's on a few different things now; I'll probably get that for my Switch.

Oh, I got a Switch, by the way, mostly for Breath of the Wild, and I consider it worth it just for that. I like that game a lot.

I replayed Portal 1 and 2 a few months ago, funnily enough! I like those too.

Of the others, I've heard of Shovel Knight and Celeste, though they're in that 'rivalry' mental area at the moment so I'll have to work up to them. I'll make a list of the others and look into them, even if I don't actually play them. So thanks for the suggestions!

I've been watching a couple of youtubers recently who seem to play a lot of games like how you described Papers, Please (I think that was one of the ones I saw actually). I'm surprised how many of them there are! Things like deciding who to let into a fallout shelter, selling items to people in a shop, approving employees for a job... Is it a popular genre, or are none of them successful but developers still decide to make them anyway? Seems so strange to me.

purplerabbits148~5Y

For the Switch, I highly recommend 'The World Ends With You" It's from Square Enix the makers of Kingdom Hearts. Even though it's been over 10 years since it's release, I am still blown away whenever I get the urge to replay it on the DS.

I'm in the process of getting a Switch so I dont have any recommendations aside from TWEWY since it is a port from the DS.

I actually have the psp Kingdom Hearts you refer to. Birth By Sleep is one of my favorite entries in the Kingdom Hearts franchise. Its an interesting take on seeing the same situation from different sides and how one character can move the plot in the other's.

Most of the games I ened up player are flash games like Medieval Cop and Rusty Lake/Cube Escape. Both are Indie and have multiple entries telling a bigger story.

In terms of Console's I only really use the DS, 3DS and PSP recently. I only have Birth By Sleep on the PSP, but I think that it was worth it even though it was only for that game. The 3DS was less worthwhile to me since it had terrible battery specs. The DS on the other hand was the most worthwhile for me, even though it was older that the others, the battery lasts a really long time and I have spent almost all my time playing it.

With Undertale, I could be reading into your words a bit, but I percieve that you may be building Undertale to be this behemoth of a game. I've played it after all the hype, and well, I wasn't blown away thinking this is the best game in existance. I had fun while playing and I would be sad if I take the violent route, but it didn't pull my heart strings like Sindrel Song did where I actually cried.

(and if there are any hard core Undertale fans here, this is the point where I get torn a new one)

I think partially why people were so keen on Undertale is that it had a very novel aproach to rpg's and violence and that people were really wanting something different and were open to experience something new.

I'm in the process of getting a Switch so I dont have any recommendations aside from TWEWY since it is a port from the DS.

I actually have the psp Kingdom Hearts you refer to. Birth By Sleep is one of my favorite entries in the Kingdom Hearts franchise. Its an interesting take on seeing the same situation from different sides and how one character can move the plot in the other's.

Most of the games I ened up player are flash games like Medieval Cop and Rusty Lake/Cube Escape. Both are Indie and have multiple entries telling a bigger story.

In terms of Console's I only really use the DS, 3DS and PSP recently. I only have Birth By Sleep on the PSP, but I think that it was worth it even though it was only for that game. The 3DS was less worthwhile to me since it had terrible battery specs. The DS on the other hand was the most worthwhile for me, even though it was older that the others, the battery lasts a really long time and I have spent almost all my time playing it.

With Undertale, I could be reading into your words a bit, but I percieve that you may be building Undertale to be this behemoth of a game. I've played it after all the hype, and well, I wasn't blown away thinking this is the best game in existance. I had fun while playing and I would be sad if I take the violent route, but it didn't pull my heart strings like Sindrel Song did where I actually cried.

(and if there are any hard core Undertale fans here, this is the point where I get torn a new one)

I think partially why people were so keen on Undertale is that it had a very novel aproach to rpg's and violence and that people were really wanting something different and were open to experience something new.

Tobias 1115~5Y

This post was inspired by watching a video where people were talking about Kingdom Hearts (while drawing characters from it), and one of them said Birth By Sleep was their favourite entry in the series. I always wanted to play it, but didn't want to invest in a PSP, so I do like the idea of getting a PS4 so then I can play all the entries in the series that I've missed, which seem to exist in the strangely-named compilations and remakes, as far as I can tell. Maybe getting one would be worth it just for that? I mean, it'd probably take forever to trudge through them all anyway...

I'm surprised and pleased that you feel that Sindrel Song moved you more than Undertale! I don't know much about it myself in terms of specific gameplay aspects or story elements - beyond it being 'really good' and having that violence vs nonviolence aspect - but it's the success of it that gets to me. Especially since I feel that it was, like you said, a response to people wanting something different, and this delivering. It gets to me so much because if I'd stuck with my own ideas instead of darting around all over the place (and being mentally ill...), then perhaps it could have been me who made this paradigm-shifting, highly-appreciated novel take on violent RPGs. As it is, even if I do release something now, I imagine people will just compare it to Undertale, perhaps negatively. Maybe it'll even seem like I've stolen an idea.

I suppose it feels like those old timey inventors who spent years working on the telephone or television, only for some rival to steal their glory before their ideas fully manifested. Or something.

I'm surprised and pleased that you feel that Sindrel Song moved you more than Undertale! I don't know much about it myself in terms of specific gameplay aspects or story elements - beyond it being 'really good' and having that violence vs nonviolence aspect - but it's the /success/ of it that gets to me. Especially since I feel that it was, like you said, a response to people wanting something different, and this delivering. It gets to me so much because if I'd stuck with my own ideas instead of darting around all over the place (and being mentally ill...), then perhaps it could have been me who made this paradigm-shifting, highly-appreciated novel take on violent RPGs. As it is, even if I do release something now, I imagine people will just compare it to Undertale, perhaps negatively. Maybe it'll even seem like I've stolen an idea.

I suppose it feels like those old timey inventors who spent years working on the telephone or television, only for some rival to steal their glory before their ideas fully manifested. Or something.

TamaYoshi13~5Y

I only have a switch, although most games I've played recently were cross-platform indie games.

I did play some VR recently on the Oculus Quest my dad got for himself; I have to say I *really* enjoy Beat Saber... it makes me break a sweat every time I play it; it's about as viscerally fun as back when I first played the Guitar Hero genre, although it's also a real exercise. It's made me realize how physical effort can be really satisfying; I've not been doing a whole lot of exercise in the past years, generally because I haven't really been prioritizing it. I'm not out of shape, but I'm reminded how exercise can affect the mood positively. Did you try it?!!? I'm pulling (most) expert songs, but expert+ is just insane!!1!

As for great games... Well, Death Stranding has come out. That's definitely something to look for; it's the latest in the "movie + exploration-based game" genre. Not sure how closely it resembles Hideo Kojima's previous Metal Gear Solid games, of which I've played none... but hey! The trailers look amazing!

It's interesting how you frame playing games that could resemble your style. I think I'd feel anxiety NOT experiencing stuff that fell close to my style; I often experience a "reframing" dynamic when I come across really interesting stuff, which causes me to reconsider what I've done in the past. It's not usually so much an "ugh, I have to scrap everything now that I know better" as much as it's a "huh, maybe I should try some of this?" I find when I have enough respect for what I write, I'm usually fine with leaving the old stuff as it is (although, it's taken me years to get there; I scrapped well over a hundred thousand words because I felt it didn't meet my own standards anymore... And I feel some level of anxiety knowing a hundred thousand words isn't that much to scrap, according to expert writers that cherish "killing their beloved" as if it were a mark of pride). I guess my mindset is more of a constructive one... To be fair, I don't even recall a time when seeing "good stuff" made me hate what I'd put out; my spite for myself was mostly always a result of my style maturing... So in a way, it was never so much framed as an "I suck," as much as it was framed as an "Man, I've got all this potential, but I've not put out anything good yet!"
A weird delusion, if you view it cynically, but not an unhelpful one, and not an entirely false one, either.

--- Strange how I structured two arguments with a one-sentence quote-contrasting structure. *self-aware moment* ---

You often talk of fearing the work of others because of how it *could* make you feel... Do examples come to mind? Do examples of close-hitting games making you feel *good* come to mind? You often talk about these apprehensions in a vague, distant way. Maybe it would help actually considering where these fears come from, if they in fact come from where you think they're coming.

(Lots of heavy question dropping, but this isn't exactly a live conversation we're having here, huh. This is a good example of a kind of conversation I feel would go better in a more *live* manner. It's harder to navigate a sensitive topic when you have only so much to work with.)

I only have a switch, although most games I've played recently were cross-platform indie games.

I did play some VR recently on the Oculus Quest my dad got for himself; I have to say I *really* enjoy Beat Saber... it makes me break a sweat every time I play it; it's about as viscerally fun as back when I first played the Guitar Hero genre, although it's also a real exercise. It's made me realize how physical effort can be really satisfying; I've not been doing a whole lot of exercise in the past years, generally because I haven't really been prioritizing it. I'm not out of shape, but I'm reminded how exercise can affect the mood positively. Did you try it?!!? I'm pulling (most) expert songs, but expert+ is just insane!!1!

As for great games... Well, Death Stranding has come out. That's definitely something to look for; it's the latest in the "movie + exploration-based game" genre. Not sure how closely it resembles Hideo Kojima's previous Metal Gear Solid games, of which I've played none... but hey! The trailers look amazing!

It's interesting how you frame playing games that could resemble your style. I think I'd feel anxiety NOT experiencing stuff that fell close to my style; I often experience a "reframing" dynamic when I come across really interesting stuff, which causes me to reconsider what I've done in the past. It's not usually so much an "ugh, I have to scrap everything now that I know better" as much as it's a "huh, maybe I should try some of this?" I find when I have enough respect for what I write, I'm usually fine with leaving the old stuff as it is (although, it's taken me years to get there; I scrapped well over a hundred thousand words because I felt it didn't meet my own standards anymore... And I feel some level of anxiety knowing a hundred thousand words isn't that much to scrap, according to expert writers that cherish "killing their beloved" as if it were a mark of pride). I guess my mindset is more of a constructive one... To be fair, I don't even recall a time when seeing "good stuff" made me hate what I'd put out; my spite for myself was mostly always a result of my style maturing... So in a way, it was never so much framed as an "I suck," as much as it was framed as an "Man, I've got all this potential, but I've not put out anything good yet!"
A weird delusion, if you view it cynically, but not an unhelpful one, and not an entirely false one, either.

--- Strange how I structured two arguments with a one-sentence quote-contrasting structure. *self-aware moment* ---

You often talk of fearing the work of others because of how it *could* make you feel... Do examples come to mind? Do examples of close-hitting games making you feel *good* come to mind? You often talk about these apprehensions in a vague, distant way. Maybe it would help actually considering where these fears come from, if they in fact come from where you think they're coming.

(Lots of heavy question dropping, but this isn't exactly a live conversation we're having here, huh. This is a good example of a kind of conversation I feel would go better in a more *live* manner. It's harder to navigate a sensitive topic when you have only so much to work with.)

Tobias 1115~5Y

Beat Saber is probably the best game on the Rift, from what I gather, and I'd agree with that from playing it myself. It's the one I returned to the most, though I stuck with Hard rather than expert since I just found that more enjoyable and less stressful. I have an urge now to play it again, though I haven't been able to use my Rift much over the last year because of the whole recovering-from-major-brain-surgery thing (I felt sick if I wore the headset for even a few minutes, unlike before the surgery). Now I can't even plug it in without unplugging my graphics tablet, though I keep feeling like maybe I should. Or maybe I should get a Quest since it's standalone so I wouldn't have to be tethered by annoying wires, and the tracking is probably better?? That's twice as much as the PS4 though, hmm, and the storage space of even the biggest one is half the size of my library since the individual games are so huge...

Exercise was one of the biggest draws of the Rift for me. Despite my aversion to violence, funnily enough a game I liked as much as - or even more than? - Beat Saber was a boxing game called Punch Out (I think?). It was fairly cartoony and the opponents you faced were ridiculous (one was a British octopus), and the gameplay was quite puzzle-like in that you had to figure out the opponent's patterns and react accordingly. It was similarish to Sindrel Song actually, and each opponent took me several attempts to figure out and pass. Since you had to react physically, ducking and weaving and punching in different ways, it was a huge workout! I didn't just sweat from it, on several occasions I felt sick with exhaustion - though in a good way! - and one time I fell on my bed and felt like I literally died and had a bizarre spiritual experience after playing that game for about an hour. So that was remarkable.

Now, I've got a cheap exercise bike just so then I can do some kind of exercise, but I don't use it as much as I perhaps should.

The biggest cause of the negative feelings that come from comparison is the fact that I'm not making money from anything I've made at the moment. If I had some kind of success, even if it was minor, it'd be easier to look to other indie games for inspiration, instead of just seeing them as rivals. As it is, it's not so much that I look at them and think "this is good and I'm terrible"; it's more like "so this is what people want? What I make is different, so nobody will like it and I'll never get any money". Something like that. So it's less about self-loathing and more in line with the feelings of being 'different', out of place, not doing things in a way that others approve of or like, even if I myself like it.

I was trying to think of specific examples of games that have made me feel this way, but my mind's quite foggy at the moment and nothing comes to mind. Like so much about the MENTAL ILLNESS that I have, a lot of it's based on assumptions that cause avoidance behaviour, but if that avoidance is pushed through, they don't exactly come true. Pushing through it is non-trivial though, which is why I was thinking I could 'go around it' via AAA games, which are less intimidating. That way, it's less like making some giant leap all at once, and more like taking some stairs, or something.

Exercise was one of the biggest draws of the Rift for me. Despite my aversion to violence, funnily enough a game I liked as much as - or even more than? - Beat Saber was a boxing game called Punch Out (I think?). It was fairly cartoony and the opponents you faced were ridiculous (one was a British octopus), and the gameplay was quite puzzle-like in that you had to figure out the opponent's patterns and react accordingly. It was similarish to Sindrel Song actually, and each opponent took me several attempts to figure out and pass. Since you had to react physically, ducking and weaving and punching in different ways, it was a /huge/ workout! I didn't just sweat from it, on several occasions I felt sick with exhaustion - though in a good way! - and one time I fell on my bed and felt like I literally died and had a bizarre spiritual experience after playing that game for about an hour. So that was remarkable.

Now, I've got a cheap exercise bike just so then I can do /some/ kind of exercise, but I don't use it as much as I perhaps should.

The biggest cause of the negative feelings that come from comparison is the fact that I'm not making money from anything I've made at the moment. If I had some kind of success, even if it was minor, it'd be easier to look to other indie games for inspiration, instead of just seeing them as rivals. As it is, it's not so much that I look at them and think "this is good and I'm terrible"; it's more like "so this is what people want? What I make is different, so nobody will like it and I'll never get any money". Something like that. So it's less about self-loathing and more in line with the feelings of being 'different', out of place, not doing things in a way that others approve of or like, even if I myself like it.

I was trying to think of specific examples of games that have made me feel this way, but my mind's quite foggy at the moment and nothing comes to mind. Like so much about the MENTAL ILLNESS that I have, a lot of it's based on assumptions that cause avoidance behaviour, but if that avoidance is pushed through, they don't exactly come true. Pushing through it is non-trivial though, which is why I was thinking I could 'go around it' via AAA games, which are less intimidating. That way, it's less like making some giant leap all at once, and more like taking some stairs, or something.

TamaYoshi13~5Y

I get the fear of not having a place in the market; most entrepreneurs get this fear, and I think it's exacerbated with the subtle deception of the "American Dream"; we're often taught to make ourselves successful through effort, but not everyone can be successful, and there's a very strong component of luck involved. I'm reminded of how your father-in-law looked at you with ambition, or something? The bit about Undertale is the same: we know the game's success has been helped by external factors unrelated to the quality of the game... and we try to make sense of it all... but most investors recognize anyway that even with smart analysis, it's impossible to predict the success of endeavors with strong accuracy. So maybe we shouldn't *think* like that? But we also kinda *have to* if we want to go the entrepreneur road.

This is very much in line with left-wing mentalities that our current "systems" don't exactly encourage the kind of diversity that is probably healthier for culture and human beings as a whole... But we live within a system that has such flaws. What can we do? We're pretty much left with the old "safe or genuine" dilemma...

Am I wrong to say it's not entirely about the money, though? It's interesting you say it's not about self-loathing on one hand, but talk about feelings of being different and out of place on the other. I mean, you do talk about your "dark inner voice" often, and I expected you to bring that up... only you didn't. I'm curious whether you have a need to prove yourself in some way - I know I do, in a side-lined back-of-my-mind kind of way, and I'm pretty sure I know where it's coming from. See, you *say* it's not self-loathing, but there's been multiple instances of you complaining about your various failings, and then having other supportive members telling you the great things you'd done and were capable of, and feeling better as a result. It's like some kind of Evangelion-esque, Hegelian allegory where our sense of self needs to be protected, but also must be defined "intersubjectively" by interacting with others - thus resulting in a complex dynamic where we dispense trust to others, which renders us open to receive praise but also criticism.

I'm probably reaching - and to some extent prying - but I think it's important to deconstruct how our sense of self-worth is attached to our work. I know I needed to do that: I might never get published, my books may never be successful. I've already made peace with that (although, unlike you, I have financial security, so it's definitely not the same - I can't imagine the stress of having your sense of self-worth tightly intertwined with your own sense of agency and security).

It is, uh, complicated.

This is very much in line with left-wing mentalities that our current "systems" don't exactly encourage the kind of diversity that is probably healthier for culture and human beings as a whole... But we live within a system that has such flaws. What can we do? We're pretty much left with the old "safe or genuine" dilemma...

Am I wrong to say it's not entirely about the money, though? It's interesting you say it's not about self-loathing on one hand, but talk about feelings of being different and out of place on the other. I mean, you do talk about your "dark inner voice" often, and I expected you to bring that up... only you didn't. I'm curious whether you have a need to prove yourself in some way - I know I do, in a side-lined back-of-my-mind kind of way, and I'm pretty sure I know where it's coming from. See, you *say* it's not self-loathing, but there's been multiple instances of you complaining about your various failings, and then having other supportive members telling you the great things you'd done and were capable of, and feeling better as a result. It's like some kind of Evangelion-esque, Hegelian allegory where our sense of self needs to be protected, but also must be defined "intersubjectively" by interacting with others - thus resulting in a complex dynamic where we dispense trust to others, which renders us open to receive praise but also criticism.

I'm probably reaching - and to some extent prying - but I think it's important to deconstruct how our sense of self-worth is attached to our work. I know I needed to do that: I might never get published, my books may never be successful. I've already made peace with that (although, unlike you, I have financial security, so it's definitely not the same - I can't imagine the stress of having your sense of self-worth tightly intertwined with your own sense of agency and security).

It is, uh, complicated.

Tobias 1115~5Y

As you're likely already aware, a game called Untitled Goose Game was a hit recently. Who could have predicted that? Luck seems to be the most important thing; I'd guess a lot of games these days do well or don't based on whether or not some popular youtubers have played them. Though I don't know what external factors helped Undertale; I'm curious, but not enough to research it, what with all the associated negative emotions.

Usually, I like the things that I create. I spend a lot of time - usually every day - listening to music I've made, for example, and whenever I draw something, make a 3D model, etc, I spend a while just looking back on it repeatedly, impressed.

But when it comes to involving the judgements of others, that's where all the negativity comes in. I have a negative bias as a result of the avoidant personality disorder slash social anxiety - whatever you want to call it - which makes me assume that other people will judge me negatively, and that those negative judgements will have severe consequences, like rejection or ridicule.

I know that some creators can't look back at their own work without feeling disgust and self-loathing because they feel it's not good enough, even in isolation. If I feel something of mine's not good enough, I keep tweaking it until I'm satisfied. Sometimes things I produce just aren't worth being impressed by, and they're beyond saving so I don't even try, but that's rare.

An example is the silly test comments on the post from before I opened up this new comment system. I spent three or four days with those as I implemented all the features, fixed the bugs, etc, and in that time I read over them multiple times, and laughed more than I have at anything in a while. But as soon as I made the new system - and these comments - public, I just assumed everyone would see them and think terrible things about me, perhaps because they clashed with their political sensibilities ("this is offensive!"), they just didn't appreciate that kind of humour, etc, etc. Since nobody said anything, I assumed it was because their thoughts were negative, and that led to self-loathing thoughts about how I 'can't do anything right'.

If it were possible, I'd probably just make things entirely for myself and never release them. There are already a few things I've worked on where this has been the case. But there's always the desire to share, so then others might get something positive out of what I've made, plus it'd be wonderful if I could earn money from this so then I didn't have to either live in abject poverty or do something else I feel completely unsuited for. So it being my primary source of income does make it more stressful than if it were just a private hobby, especially in a field like games where subjective opinions are everything and there's no one clear way to do it 'right'.

It is difficult not having financial security. Or a home of my own, an intimate relationship, a support group, people to see every day, and having mental illness and brain cancer on top of that. But art is born of pain, right??

Usually, I like the things that I create. I spend a lot of time - usually every day - listening to music I've made, for example, and whenever I draw something, make a 3D model, etc, I spend a while just looking back on it repeatedly, impressed.

But when it comes to involving the judgements of others, that's where all the negativity comes in. I have a negative bias as a result of the avoidant personality disorder slash social anxiety - whatever you want to call it - which makes me assume that other people will judge me negatively, and that those negative judgements will have severe consequences, like rejection or ridicule.

I know that some creators can't look back at their own work without feeling disgust and self-loathing because they feel it's not good enough, even in isolation. If I feel something of mine's not good enough, I keep tweaking it until I'm satisfied. /Sometimes/ things I produce just aren't worth being impressed by, and they're beyond saving so I don't even try, but that's rare.

An example is the silly test comments on the post from before I opened up this new comment system. I spent three or four days with those as I implemented all the features, fixed the bugs, etc, and in that time I read over them multiple times, and laughed more than I have at anything in a while. But as soon as I made the new system - and these comments - public, I just assumed everyone would see them and think terrible things about me, perhaps because they clashed with their political sensibilities ("this is offensive!"), they just didn't appreciate that kind of humour, etc, etc. Since nobody said anything, I assumed it was because their thoughts were negative, and that led to self-loathing thoughts about how I 'can't do anything right'.

If it were possible, I'd probably just make things entirely for myself and never release them. There are already a few things I've worked on where this has been the case. But there's always the desire to share, so then others might get something positive out of what I've made, plus it'd be wonderful if I could earn money from this so then I didn't have to either live in abject poverty or do something else I feel completely unsuited for. So it being my primary source of income does make it more stressful than if it were just a private hobby, especially in a field like games where subjective opinions are everything and there's no one clear way to do it 'right'.

It is difficult not having financial security. Or a home of my own, an intimate relationship, a support group, people to see every day, and having mental illness and brain cancer on top of that. But art is born of pain, right??

TamaYoshi13~5Y

Untitled Goose Game looks like a charming romp. I didn't play it, but have heard about it from others who did. It's funny how the most often cited trait of the game is how you're being a jerk to everyone... but it's not like you're a *man* or anything; you're a Goose. How subversive!!! If only Goose was an unambiguously female term, IMAGINE THE SUBVERSION!!1!

It's interesting you talk of a sudden self-awareness when it comes to make things public; that often happens to me too. I can be very satisfied with something I've written, but when given the opportunity of sharing it, become afflicted with doubts. I try to imagine how people would react, and focus mostly on the "imagined" negative perceptions, because those I want to "curate" out of my work. The most obvious example is how I tend to re-read my posts online AFTER I send them, which causes me to edit typos out minutes AFTER I've sent a message (or, when it's not possible to edit, just sigh in annoyance that I can't). It's especially annoying that I'm apparently the kind of person that "just" goes over typoos without ever noticing them. Some people are way better at seeing typos! What am I doing wronge?!

It's interesting how there's this obvious divide between "what I feel about myself" and "what I feel about others' opinion of myself." One would think that at least the former is stronger than the latter, but not necessarily. Would you say that the "negative feelings" associated with looking at other people's work is mostly associated with a reframing of other people's feelings towards your work? In a "Oh no, I gave them X, but they really wanted Y!!! They probably hate X!!!" kind of way? It's the kind of logic that's both valid and not, depending on how you look at it; obviously, some things are enjoyed more than others... but also, tastes change over time, and nostalgia has a weird way of binding past tastes with present sentiments, sometimes exacerbating these past tastes... making them "not past," somehow (poetic paradoxes always sound so pretentious!!). That, and I think it's an error to assume there's one clear way of defining how anyone likes anything. Why do some people like pixel art, but some think it looks like trash? Why do some people like gaming, and others not? You can ask this question of almost anything, really, even things you don't think of as polarized. Reducing appreciation to trait "Y" and trait "X" is some sort of deterministic fallacy, in a way. A fallacy that a LOT of people give in to, and makes the Internet a *pleasant* place.

Fortunately, it's relatively easy to parse outrageous criticism. Ooh, "feelings," they said. "What are you, A WAMEN?!"
"OH MY! YOU ARE RIGHT! ALL THIS TIME I WAS A WOMAN IN THE BODY OF A MAN! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WISDOM!!! GOSH DARN IT ALL, I SHOULD'VE KNOWN ALL THESE FEELINGS WERE A SIGN OF SOMETHING BIGGER!"

This kind of circles back to what I said about Hegel: there are some forms of criticism we are completely unaffected by, because we don't trust in them. But other forms of criticism affect us deeply. So it begs the question... why do we trust in these critics that hurt us so much? Where does the inner critic come from? Oliver Thorn described his inner critic as being born from his toxic partner... but it took him a while to realize how he'd been traumatized by her, how she'd planted the seeds of his inner critic without him realizing. How messed up is it, though, that our self-loathing come from jerks that arbitrarily hated us in the past? If they were such jerks, wouldn't we want to completely DISMISS them?!

*Insert rant about why Donald Trump is the worse, and how that's a totally relevant rant. Oh, and also, Hitleeeeeerrrrrrr*

It's interesting you talk of a sudden self-awareness when it comes to make things public; that often happens to me too. I can be very satisfied with something I've written, but when given the opportunity of sharing it, become afflicted with doubts. I try to imagine how people would react, and focus mostly on the "imagined" negative perceptions, because those I want to "curate" out of my work. The most obvious example is how I tend to re-read my posts online AFTER I send them, which causes me to edit typos out minutes AFTER I've sent a message (or, when it's not possible to edit, just sigh in annoyance that I can't). It's especially annoying that I'm apparently the kind of person that "just" goes over typoos without ever noticing them. Some people are way better at seeing typos! What am I doing wronge?!

It's interesting how there's this obvious divide between "what I feel about myself" and "what I feel about others' opinion of myself." One would think that at least the former is stronger than the latter, but not necessarily. Would you say that the "negative feelings" associated with looking at other people's work is mostly associated with a reframing of other people's feelings towards your work? In a "Oh no, I gave them X, but they really wanted Y!!! They probably hate X!!!" kind of way? It's the kind of logic that's both valid and not, depending on how you look at it; obviously, some things are enjoyed more than others... but also, tastes change over time, and nostalgia has a weird way of binding past tastes with present sentiments, sometimes exacerbating these past tastes... making them "not past," somehow (poetic paradoxes always sound so pretentious!!). That, and I think it's an error to assume there's one clear way of defining how anyone likes anything. Why do some people like pixel art, but some think it looks like trash? Why do some people like gaming, and others not? You can ask this question of almost anything, really, even things you don't think of as polarized. Reducing appreciation to trait "Y" and trait "X" is some sort of deterministic fallacy, in a way. A fallacy that a LOT of people give in to, and makes the Internet a *pleasant* place.

Fortunately, it's relatively easy to parse outrageous criticism. Ooh, "feelings," they said. "What are you, A WAMEN?!"
"OH MY! YOU ARE RIGHT! ALL THIS TIME I WAS A WOMAN IN THE BODY OF A MAN! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WISDOM!!! GOSH DARN IT ALL, I SHOULD'VE KNOWN ALL THESE FEELINGS WERE A SIGN OF SOMETHING BIGGER!"

This kind of circles back to what I said about Hegel: there are some forms of criticism we are completely unaffected by, because we don't trust in them. But other forms of criticism affect us deeply. So it begs the question... why do we trust in these critics that hurt us so much? Where does the inner critic come from? Oliver Thorn described his inner critic as being born from his toxic partner... but it took him a while to realize how he'd been traumatized by her, how she'd planted the seeds of his inner critic without him realizing. How messed up is it, though, that our self-loathing come from jerks that arbitrarily hated us in the past? If they were such jerks, wouldn't we want to completely DISMISS them?!

*Insert rant about why Donald Trump is the worse, and how that's a totally relevant rant. Oh, and also, Hitleeeeeerrrrrrr*

Tobias 1115~5Y

I suppose it's not too different to seeing a muscular, swaggering, square-jawed guy flirting and posturing and making several girls giddy and giggly, and thinking "I'm not like that, nobody will feel like that about me".

I suspect you'd believe that there's someone out there for everyone, that not everyone is sexually attracted to the same kind of person, that it's all completely subjective. But there are reasons why some qualities are more sexually attractive than others, so people with more of those qualities are going to have an easier time finding larger numbers of partners than those without. With games, there are some qualities that are just more appealing to players than others, probably, so games with more of those qualities are more likely to succeed than those without.

Personally, I'd hate to be around that kind of guy, listening to him talk about his easy success with the opposite sex because of qualities he has but I don't. It's not that I'd want to be like him, or that I'd use his behaviour as inspiration for how I should act in future, but it'd just feel really unpleasant knowing "people want this, not what I am". So when I play indie games that are successful (AAA ones don't count since they're manufactured to be successful), it's not that I feel I want to copy them, but knowing that they have qualities my games don't have, and that's what people like, creates the same kind of despair.

There are some people who feel like outcasts, and desperately wish they were 'normal' and popular among others, but I was never one of those. Instead I've always just felt frustrated that there aren't more people like me out there, who I could relate to and please just by making what pleases me.

One of the categories on this blog is "Self-Loathing", so it'd be wrong to say I don't feel that way, but it's entirely social. Being surrounded by people for a couple of years led to a literal suicide attempt, and all my worst recurring memories are of my social mistakes and the negative judgements of others. I've been a lot better (in that regard, at least) in the isolation since leaving university, but I'm afraid of the reception my games might get - or the judgemental eyes on me as a person - if I ever achieve any kind of recognition again.

So it's tricky, wanting to make something that's successful so then I don't have to go out into the social world and can keep doing this, but knowing that success would mean more attention and judgement... I wish money wasn't an issue, so then I could just make what I love and never have to worry about how others feel about it or me.

I suspect you'd believe that there's someone out there for everyone, that not everyone is sexually attracted to the same kind of person, that it's all completely subjective. But there are reasons why some qualities are more sexually attractive than others, so people with more of those qualities are going to have an easier time finding larger numbers of partners than those without. With games, there are some qualities that are just more appealing to players than others, probably, so games with more of those qualities are more likely to succeed than those without.

Personally, I'd hate to be around that kind of guy, listening to him talk about his easy success with the opposite sex because of qualities he has but I don't. It's not that I'd want to be like him, or that I'd use his behaviour as inspiration for how I should act in future, but it'd just feel really unpleasant knowing "people want this, not what I am". So when I play indie games that are successful (AAA ones don't count since they're manufactured to be successful), it's not that I feel I want to copy them, but knowing that they have qualities my games don't have, and that's what people like, creates the same kind of despair.

There are some people who feel like outcasts, and desperately wish they were 'normal' and popular among others, but I was never one of those. Instead I've always just felt frustrated that there aren't more people like me out there, who I could relate to and please just by making what pleases me.

One of the categories on this blog is "Self-Loathing", so it'd be wrong to say I don't feel that way, but it's entirely social. Being surrounded by people for a couple of years led to a literal suicide attempt, and all my worst recurring memories are of my social mistakes and the negative judgements of others. I've been a lot better (in that regard, at least) in the isolation since leaving university, but I'm afraid of the reception my games might get - or the judgemental eyes on me as a person - if I ever achieve any kind of recognition again.

So it's tricky, wanting to make something that's successful so then I don't have to go out into the social world and can keep doing this, but knowing that success would mean more attention and judgement... I wish money wasn't an issue, so then I could just make what I love and never have to worry about how others feel about it or me.

1 reply...

Cupa2~5Y

(Sorry if I you see an extra text sent. I got confused with this totally transparent interface.)

I .. don't really have an interest for any of popular or quickly outcoming to the public types of games (and my knowlodge to gaming in overall is scarse, since I've been mostly spending my time to very random writting and weird video content with almost no fundaments). About your needs to find something about "How we can manipulate and control part of our lives, as we invest or drag ourselves into others' problems; conformed by other factors with a fleshed etimology, graphical overlook and interferance to almost any and every random individual to feel or see something in specific", I could just pretty much recommend you to choose a game that's focused on deep exploration, multiplayer (and a community that tries to interpretate the game's mechanics in some sort of textboarding style, trying to communicate with you randomly or objectively), having mechanics that relate your character/mecha's need for you to apply care of them (nutrition, optional infrastructure along with a psychological and an emotional system) counting with a quite large variety of options for doing anything that follows your flow (considering resources like modding, flexible ways for modifying the game's assets and the recurrent atmosphere around you). The only game that I know that has most of these, atleast in a personal and ignorant perspective, is Project Zomboid. You might not like REALISM or subversive elements that are tightly related to the physical and direct side (seeing that you are often looking for a resiliant qualia and thinking feeling that would promote you, a bit "prominently"), but I think that something like this could suit you (even if the game's not avaible for the Play Station 4 or any other consoles, though).

In other words. I know you are in a dilemma when it goes to representing yourself towards others; with your set of ideas that might go up or down depending of almost anything. However, I can even risk to admit that you could be a modest or very skilled roleplayer for some of those types of social and contradictory types of community servers, roaming on the entire World Wide Web.

Hmmmmmm. Hopefully you might find something that strikes an idea right into you.

PS: I haven't done a proper profile photo, since I'm having problems for mounting an image with a 50x50 resolution.

(Sorry if I you see an extra text sent. I got confused with this totally transparent interface.)

I .. don't really have an interest for any of popular or quickly outcoming to the public types of games (and my knowlodge to gaming in overall is scarse, since I've been mostly spending my time to very random writting and weird video content with almost no fundaments). About your needs to find something about "How we can manipulate and control part of our lives, as we invest or drag ourselves into others' problems; conformed by other factors with a fleshed etimology, graphical overlook and interferance to almost any and every random individual to feel or see something in specific", I could just pretty much recommend you to choose a game that's focused on deep exploration, multiplayer (and a community that tries to interpretate the game's mechanics in some sort of textboarding style, trying to communicate with you randomly or objectively), having mechanics that relate your character/mecha's need for you to apply care of them (nutrition, optional infrastructure along with a psychological and an emotional system) counting with a quite large variety of options for doing anything that follows your flow (considering resources like modding, flexible ways for modifying the game's assets and the recurrent atmosphere around you). The only game that I know that has most of these, atleast in a personal and ignorant perspective, is Project Zomboid. You might not like REALISM or subversive elements that are tightly related to the physical and direct side (seeing that you are often looking for a resiliant qualia and thinking feeling that would promote you, a bit "prominently"), but I think that something like this could suit you (even if the game's not avaible for the Play Station 4 or any other consoles, though).

In other words. I know you are in a dilemma when it goes to representing yourself towards others; with your set of ideas that might go up or down depending of almost anything. However, I can even risk to admit that you could be a modest or very skilled roleplayer for some of those types of social and contradictory types of community servers, roaming on the entire World Wide Web.

Hmmmmmm. Hopefully you might find something that strikes an idea right into you.

PS: I haven't done a proper profile photo, since I'm having problems for mounting an image with a 50x50 resolution.

Comment deleted

Tobias 1115~5Y

I think I've seen that before; isn't it a spin-off of that Kingdom of Loathing web game thing, or whatever that actually was? It seemed objectively interesting and I was glad for the creators, but I wasn't particularly compelled to get into it myself. (A big part of that is probably just depression; I've been just sighing at the thought of the ordeal of getting into any game, feeling no excitement at all... It's annoying.)

I'd love to move my computer, but don't have the luxury of space! Another reason I'd love to have a place of my own rather than lingering in my parents' spare room like a loser, but I don't have any money.

A few years ago, I tried having cold showers, thinking that if I could face those, I could face anything!!!! I had to take deep breaths before stepping into the cold water each time, but once I was under it, it wasn't that bad. It starts to feel weirdly warm after a while. Unfortunately stuff came up (brain cancer, for one) and I never stuck with that, but perhaps it's something I should start trying again. Winter seems like the best time for it, right??

I'd love to move my computer, but don't have the luxury of space! Another reason I'd love to have a place of my own rather than lingering in my parents' spare room like a loser, but I don't have any money.

A few years ago, I tried having cold showers, thinking that if I could face those, I could face anything!!!! I had to take deep breaths before stepping into the cold water each time, but once I was under it, it wasn't /that/ bad. It starts to feel weirdly warm after a while. Unfortunately stuff came up (brain cancer, for one) and I never stuck with that, but perhaps it's something I should start trying again. Winter seems like the best time for it, right??

Mazarkee1~5Y

I definitely agree that you should play more video games. They're great! They can also be a great well of inspiration, as you've pointed out. I've got all the current generation of consoles: Switch, PS4, Xbox One, and a (admittedly lower-end) computer. I definitely feel the investment on each of them was worth it, as they've allowed me to experience stories and moments I never would have otherwise. Sorry if this comment is a little too lengthy, or if you've already experienced any of the following games.

If you do decide to get a PS4, the Kingdom Hearts collections aren't a bad idea, especially with your preexisting interest. They're wonderful titles with amazing music, fluid combat, and a lot of heart (albeit with a fairly nonsensical story, if you ask me). Kingdom Hearts II, especially, has a special place in my heart from beginning to end.

Additionally, another game I would personally recommend is "NieR:Automata". As I'm fairly new here, I regret to say that I'm not certain how well it'd suit your tastes, but it's a game that definitely elicits emotion from players. It kinda has a lot going on in it. It touches on themes such as loneliness, pacifism, and guilt. That is to say, it isn't a very "happy" game for the majority of it's playtime, but, without spoiling anything, it culminates in one of the most empowering, satisfying conclusions I've seen in a game.
Mechanically speaking, it's a very well-made character-action game with shoot-em-up segments. However, at times, the narrative will progress using techniques that are unique to video games, taking full advantage of the medium.
The creator/director, Yoko Taro, is a gem of a human being. In an interview he's even said that he makes the games that he makes because he's tired of AAA games.
But even if you never decide to play it, I still highly recommend listening to it's soundtrack, because it's fantastic. My personal favorite being the song "Weight of the World".

If you're looking for something a little less AAA , and a lotta less action-y gameplay. Allow me to recommend some more think-y brain-y games: The "Danganronpa" and "Ace Attorney" franchises. Okay, so these games are actually much closer to visual novels than regular video games, but they're still pretty cool! At their core, they're both murder mysteries, where it's up to you to solve a couple mysteries and protect the innocent with logic and junk. "Danganronpa" is the darker of the two (and my personal favorite), with a slowly dwindling cast of characters to get to know and love before some of them are violently taken away from you, while, in contrast, "Ace Attorney" is much lighter in tone, with different suspects for each case and a recurring cast of charming characters. While light on gameplay, they both have very compelling stories.

Anyway, these were all games that have affected me in some way, so I thought I'd throw them here, because if they affected me, I think they might affect someone else. I could gush about these individual games or plenty of other lovely games for hours if I don't stop myself.

Oh, and I'm sure you've been told this before, but please allow me to reiterate it: I don't know exactly why you feel this fear of being "different" or "out of place" when it comes to indie game successes. After all, you've made games you cared about and that's admirable as heck! That's the kind of thing that makes me want to do SOMETHING with my own life. For what it's worth, you're an inspiration to somebody, so try not to feel too discouraged from making what you want!

If you do decide to get a PS4, the Kingdom Hearts collections aren't a bad idea, especially with your preexisting interest. They're wonderful titles with amazing music, fluid combat, and a lot of heart (albeit with a fairly nonsensical story, if you ask me). Kingdom Hearts II, especially, has a special place in my heart from beginning to end.

Additionally, another game I would personally recommend is "NieR:Automata". As I'm fairly new here, I regret to say that I'm not certain how well it'd suit your tastes, but it's a game that definitely elicits emotion from players. It kinda has a lot going on in it. It touches on themes such as loneliness, pacifism, and guilt. That is to say, it isn't a very "happy" game for the majority of it's playtime, but, without spoiling anything, it culminates in one of the most empowering, satisfying conclusions I've seen in a game.
Mechanically speaking, it's a very well-made character-action game with shoot-em-up segments. However, at times, the narrative will progress using techniques that are unique to video games, taking full advantage of the medium.
The creator/director, Yoko Taro, is a gem of a human being. In an interview he's even said that he makes the games that he makes because he's tired of AAA games.
But even if you never decide to play it, I still highly recommend listening to it's soundtrack, because it's fantastic. My personal favorite being the song "Weight of the World".

If you're looking for something a little less AAA , and a lotta less action-y gameplay. Allow me to recommend some more think-y brain-y games: The "Danganronpa" and "Ace Attorney" franchises. Okay, so these games are actually much closer to visual novels than regular video games, but they're still pretty cool! At their core, they're both murder mysteries, where it's up to you to solve a couple mysteries and protect the innocent with logic and junk. "Danganronpa" is the darker of the two (and my personal favorite), with a slowly dwindling cast of characters to get to know and love before some of them are violently taken away from you, while, in contrast, "Ace Attorney" is much lighter in tone, with different suspects for each case and a recurring cast of charming characters. While light on gameplay, they both have very compelling stories.

Anyway, these were all games that have affected me in some way, so I thought I'd throw them here, because if they affected me, I think they might affect someone else. I could gush about these individual games or plenty of other lovely games for hours if I don't stop myself.

Oh, and I'm sure you've been told this before, but please allow me to reiterate it: I don't know exactly why you feel this fear of being "different" or "out of place" when it comes to indie game successes. After all, you've made games you cared about and that's admirable as heck! That's the kind of thing that makes me want to do SOMETHING with my own life. For what it's worth, you're an inspiration to somebody, so try not to feel too discouraged from making what you want!

Tobias 1115~5Y

I haven't played Nier: Automata exactly, but I did watch longplays of both it and the original NieR a couple of years ago, and they affected me quite a bit despite only passive involvement. I find the music of both really impressive, and I listen to much of it regularly; I like Weight of the World too. Definitely inspiring, that music, and the best part of the experiences for me, though I don't think I'd be capable of making something similar!

As for the others, I've heard of Ace Attorney, and it's come up a few times recently when I've been describing what I want to do with my next game, Belief. I feel like I should play it, but honestly I've never been interested in crime and courtrooms and all that sort of stuff - I zone out if it's ever crammed into films or games - so I don't feel it's for me, unfortunately. I hadn't heard of Danganronpa, but it sounds similar, and more violent than I'd prefer, so I'll likely pass on that too.

Thanks for taking the time to suggest things though! It's a shame that preferences are so subjective; I wish we could all enjoy the same things in the same ways.

As for my various negative feelings, I appreciate the encouragement, but most of this comes from not making money from anything, and it being years since I last released anything with much of a reception. So it's difficult at this point to think of myself as anything other than a failure when I have nothing substantial from the present to contradict that; it'd be a different story if I were financially secure. Though I do appreciate that my old stuff like MARDEK has inspired people, and I do try to think back on that when I'm feeling at my lowest. It keeps me going, hoping I might make something else that'll inspire people too. For now, I just need to push through the dark patches.

As for the others, I've heard of Ace Attorney, and it's come up a few times recently when I've been describing what I want to do with my next game, Belief. I feel like I should play it, but honestly I've never been interested in crime and courtrooms and all that sort of stuff - I zone out if it's ever crammed into films or games - so I don't feel it's for me, unfortunately. I hadn't heard of Danganronpa, but it sounds similar, and more violent than I'd prefer, so I'll likely pass on that too.

Thanks for taking the time to suggest things though! It's a shame that preferences are so subjective; I wish we could all enjoy the same things in the same ways.

As for my various negative feelings, I appreciate the encouragement, but most of this comes from not making money from anything, and it being years since I last released anything with much of a reception. So it's difficult at this point to think of myself as anything other than a failure when I have nothing substantial from the present to contradict that; it'd be a different story if I were financially secure. Though I do appreciate that my old stuff like MARDEK has inspired people, and I do try to think back on that when I'm feeling at my lowest. It keeps me going, hoping I might make something else that'll inspire people too. For now, I just need to push through the dark patches.

FifteenthMember1~5Y

As a long time fan, I really recommend the Kingdom Hearts series for its heartfelt, almost inspiring, optimism. You may be interested by the series' protagonists, who are openly emotional and empathetic, as opposed to "alphas" linked to a power fantasy. The violence in the series is cartoonish and fights are usually of a generic "light v dark" nature, so the combat here probably won't be something that bothers you. If money is a concern, the KH 1.5+2.5 is great value for money, seeing as you get about 5 games for the price of one disc. However, I must warn that there are some tragic moments in the story that are quite saddening, in case that puts you off.

If you do play Kingdom Hearts and have the time, I'd be really interested in reading your reflections on it. All the best.

Tobias 1115~5Y

I played the Kingdom Hearts games up until just before Birth By Sleep, and I probably will catch up on the ones I've missed if I get a PS4.

Dingding32167~5Y

Would it be possible for you to set up a separate space for playing games on your computer? I have the luxury of two desks and use one for work and the other for play even though it doesn't actually make much difference, my mindset shifts a bit when I move over. Just a thought!

Tobias 1115~5Y

That's what I'd like to do, but unfortunately I don't have the space or the multiple computers to do it! Which is why I was interested in getting a console, because a change of location definitely does help.

ikiimoni5~5Y

First of all, hi! I have a bunch of recommendations for games that you should check out, both AAA and indie. Before I say any of that, though, I just wanted to say that I'm currently in school for game design and I am currently developing my first "real" indie game. Over the spring, I replayed MARDEK, and it immediately became apparent to me how much of an inspiration your games have been on what I design and who I am as a person. I've been a fan of yours since Raider: Chapter 2 first came out, and I've followed your blog on and off throughout the years. From one extremely insecure designer to another, I want you to know that you're fully capable of making something incredible that will be a break out hit.

Being an indie publisher is pretty scary. The indie market is oversaturated, and there's tons of great games that get drowned out in the constant flow of other new indie games (see Moonlighter). It can feel like it comes down to just luck when it comes to being discovered, and while that is a big part of it, it matters even more how you present your game, via well edited trailers, social media, and having presence online. Generating discussion is pretty much all that indie games have in order to get around without much of a budget.

In the case of the indie market, I don't tend to view indie *games* as my competition, but rather the nature of the market itself. If I'm stuck between buying game A or game B, odds are that I'm going to buy both at some point, especially in the case of indie games, which differ so much from each other. The main struggle is getting your game discovered, the constant influx of other games, and standing out among the crowd. There's a lot of indie games that I use as major inspirations for my work going forward (LISA, Celeste, Cave Story, MARDEK). I know that it might seem a little weird for indie games to take inspiration from each other, but it's definitely common, and even encouraged (y'know, so long as it's inspiration and not stealing). Katana Zero is HEAVILY influenced by Hotline Miami, and it's all the better for it. At least for myself, I think it's important that I play indie games. It's the one market where developers aren't afraid to take risks, and you'll see truly new and innovative stuff when you least expect it.

~ Alright, enough industry talk, time for some game recommendations! ~

The PS4 Itself: It would be a pretty expensive purchase, but it could be worth it for all the really great exclusives on it. It may be a good idea to buy a used one, or to wait a year for the PS5, which is confirmed to have backwards compatibility. I generally have a personal rule where I won't buy a console until there's at least 3 exclusives that I really want.

Kingdom Hearts: You've already played the earlier games, so there's not much I can say that you don't already know.

Baba is You: Hands down, this is the single most brilliant puzzle game I've ever played. I cannot recommend this game enough, and as a long time fan, I think it's definitely something that would suit your tastes. Here's the link, and I suggest you watch it, like... immediately.

[LINK]
[EDIT: link broke, just look up "Baba is You - Release Date Trailer" on YouTube]

It gets mind numbingly difficult pretty quickly, but it's so worthwhile, I cannot stress this enough.

Celeste: If you haven't already heard of Celeste, this game is a doozy. It's a precision platformer about a girl struggling with depression and anxiety. Wanting to run away from her problems, she drops everything, and decides she's going to climb a mountain. She quickly finds out that this mountain is enchanted to bring out what is deep within you, and she's forced to recognize the physical embodiment of the very things she's been running from.

When I first heard about Celeste, I was extremely skeptical. I had heard tons of praise for it, and was worried that it was some sort of game that was just using mental illness in the story for brownie points. This is not the case in the slightest. I don't want to spoil a thing, but the level design, writing, and gameplay are all themed around the same concept, and it's done expertly.

It's worth mentioning that Celeste can be a difficult game to play. It deals with a tough subject matter (but does do so extremely appropriately), but the gameplay is notoriously difficult. The uniting theme is that climbing a mountain isn't easy, and neither is living with depression. In my quest to 100% Celeste, I died over 6000 times, but due to the super fast respawn times, frequent checkpoints, and what I would describe as the best difficulty curve I've seen from any game in my life, it's extremely worth it.

------------------------------------

Celeste and Baba is You are both extremely worthwhile, and I think they're the kinds of games that you're a fan of.
I know you mentioned money is pretty tight. It may be worth downloading the Epic Games Launcher. The Epic Store is a competitor to Steam, which most people have downloaded exclusively to play Fortnite. Hold on, I'm NOT recommending Fortnite, hear me out. Pretty regularly, the Epic Store offers free games (in a desparate bid to win favor from Steam users).

I have not spent a cent on the Epic Store, and in less than a year, free games that they have given people include ABZU, Rime, Subnautica, Super Meat Boy, Moonlighter, Celeste, Slime Rancher, The Witness, Enter The Gungeon, Limbo, FEZ, Hyper Light Drifter, The End is Nigh, Nuclear Throne, and the Lego Batman trilogy.

It may be worth looking into publishing Sindrel Song, or future titles on the Epic Store. There's far less competition with other titles than you'd find on Steam, and developers get 88% of the revenue generated, as opposed to the 70% they'd get on Steam, but only if they agree to make their title exclusive to the Epic Store for the first year. I'm not sure whether this would result in more sales, or less sales. There are far fewer paying users on the Epic Store, but there is much less competition.

One last suggestion, which I'm really only saying because I really want it, and won't be home to buy it for another month, but Ring Fit Adventure on the Nintendo Switch could be worth considering. It's an RPG where you execute every single action by performing exercises. I try to exercise, since it helps the body release endorphins (and also I should probably get into shape) but I often find myself too busy (translation: unmotivated) to do that, so I really want to get it for myself. I don't know if it's up your alley, but hey, no harm in suggesting it.

Best of luck with Sindrel Song! I plan on buying it once it's available.

Being an indie publisher is pretty scary. The indie market is oversaturated, and there's tons of great games that get drowned out in the constant flow of other new indie games (see Moonlighter). It can feel like it comes down to just luck when it comes to being discovered, and while that is a big part of it, it matters even more how you present your game, via well edited trailers, social media, and having presence online. Generating discussion is pretty much all that indie games have in order to get around without much of a budget.

In the case of the indie market, I don't tend to view indie *games* as my competition, but rather the nature of the market itself. If I'm stuck between buying game A or game B, odds are that I'm going to buy both at some point, especially in the case of indie games, which differ so much from each other. The main struggle is getting your game discovered, the constant influx of other games, and standing out among the crowd. There's a lot of indie games that I use as major inspirations for my work going forward (LISA, Celeste, Cave Story, MARDEK). I know that it might seem a little weird for indie games to take inspiration from each other, but it's definitely common, and even encouraged (y'know, so long as it's inspiration and not stealing). Katana Zero is HEAVILY influenced by Hotline Miami, and it's all the better for it. At least for myself, I think it's important that I play indie games. It's the one market where developers aren't afraid to take risks, and you'll see truly new and innovative stuff when you least expect it.

~ Alright, enough industry talk, time for some game recommendations! ~

The PS4 Itself: It would be a pretty expensive purchase, but it could be worth it for all the really great exclusives on it. It may be a good idea to buy a used one, or to wait a year for the PS5, which is confirmed to have backwards compatibility. I generally have a personal rule where I won't buy a console until there's at least 3 exclusives that I really want.

Kingdom Hearts: You've already played the earlier games, so there's not much I can say that you don't already know.

Baba is You: Hands down, this is the single most brilliant puzzle game I've ever played. I cannot recommend this game enough, and as a long time fan, I think it's definitely something that would suit your tastes. Here's the link, and I suggest you watch it, like... immediately.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3_yA4HTJfs
[EDIT: link broke, just look up "Baba is You - Release Date Trailer" on YouTube]

It gets mind numbingly difficult pretty quickly, but it's so worthwhile, I cannot stress this enough.

Celeste: If you haven't already heard of Celeste, this game is a doozy. It's a precision platformer about a girl struggling with depression and anxiety. Wanting to run away from her problems, she drops everything, and decides she's going to climb a mountain. She quickly finds out that this mountain is enchanted to bring out what is deep within you, and she's forced to recognize the physical embodiment of the very things she's been running from.

When I first heard about Celeste, I was extremely skeptical. I had heard tons of praise for it, and was worried that it was some sort of game that was just using mental illness in the story for brownie points. This is not the case in the slightest. I don't want to spoil a thing, but the level design, writing, and gameplay are all themed around the same concept, and it's done expertly.

It's worth mentioning that Celeste can be a difficult game to play. It deals with a tough subject matter (but does do so extremely appropriately), but the gameplay is notoriously difficult. The uniting theme is that climbing a mountain isn't easy, and neither is living with depression. In my quest to 100% Celeste, I died over 6000 times, but due to the super fast respawn times, frequent checkpoints, and what I would describe as the best difficulty curve I've seen from any game in my life, it's extremely worth it.

------------------------------------

Celeste and Baba is You are both extremely worthwhile, and I think they're the kinds of games that you're a fan of.
I know you mentioned money is pretty tight. It may be worth downloading the Epic Games Launcher. The Epic Store is a competitor to Steam, which most people have downloaded exclusively to play Fortnite. Hold on, I'm NOT recommending Fortnite, hear me out. Pretty regularly, the Epic Store offers free games (in a desparate bid to win favor from Steam users).

I have not spent a cent on the Epic Store, and in less than a year, free games that they have given people include ABZU, Rime, Subnautica, Super Meat Boy, Moonlighter, Celeste, Slime Rancher, The Witness, Enter The Gungeon, Limbo, FEZ, Hyper Light Drifter, The End is Nigh, Nuclear Throne, and the Lego Batman trilogy.

It may be worth looking into publishing Sindrel Song, or future titles on the Epic Store. There's far less competition with other titles than you'd find on Steam, and developers get 88% of the revenue generated, as opposed to the 70% they'd get on Steam, but only if they agree to make their title exclusive to the Epic Store for the first year. I'm not sure whether this would result in more sales, or less sales. There are far fewer paying users on the Epic Store, but there is much less competition.

One last suggestion, which I'm really only saying because I really want it, and won't be home to buy it for another month, but Ring Fit Adventure on the Nintendo Switch could be worth considering. It's an RPG where you execute every single action by performing exercises. I try to exercise, since it helps the body release endorphins (and also I should probably get into shape) but I often find myself too busy (translation: unmotivated) to do that, so I really want to get it for myself. I don't know if it's up your alley, but hey, no harm in suggesting it.

Best of luck with Sindrel Song! I plan on buying it once it's available.

Tobias 1115~5Y

Hello! I meant to reply days ago, but I've been caught up with my current project (Belief). Now that I've got a video of that, I can rest a bit while it slowly accumulates its literally dozens of views.

I'm glad things I've made have inspired you! And that you think I have the potential to make a(nother?) hit. I hope so, but we'll have to see how it goes. Perhaps I'd be most comfortable with a smaller but more devoted audience.

I'm also curious to see what you're working on yourself, if you're able and interested to share! I don't talk to other developers as much as I should.

It does seem that the social side of indie games is almost entirely responsible for whether they explode or fizzle into obscurity, and considering my CRIPPLING MENTAL ILLNESSES I'm wondering whether this is something I can ever succeed in. I don't even use social media! But is self-promotion something you feel comfortable about yourself, and do you have connections etc? How are you planning to tackle that mountain? Perhaps my biggest concern is knowing where to post...

It definitely is important to play indie games, and I wish I did so more often. I think with me, I just fell out of playing games at all for a long period, and now it's difficult to get back into it due to a laundry list of stupid mental snags, like being tangled in a bunch of black ropes where there's no obvious way to escape them all at once. It takes time and careful effort.

I haven't got any new games - or a PS4 - since writing this post! I've been too focused on Belief. I'll add Baba Is You to my 'games to play' list though.

I'm not sceptical about Celeste, but I've yet to play it because I expect it to be really impressive. And since the reaction to my attempt at creatively addressing similar issues (Sindrel Song) has been lukewarm at best, it exacerbates the defeated feelings just thinking about it. It - like Undertale - is one of the things I'll need to psyche myself up to play one day.

I wonder how the developers benefit from their games being 'sold' for free on the Epic Store like that. Exposure? But if there are free games on there, I have nothing to lose by giving it a go... at some point.

I'm unlikely to publish on there though, especially exclusively. I published Sindrel Song on Kartridge at first, assuming that the smaller platform would mean less competition, that even if I didn't earn a HUGE audience, at least a few thousand sales should be easy... but as of now it's got a grand total of 22 sales on there. Wow. It's why I'm considering it just not even released at all yet. I know Kartridge and the main provider of Fortnite aren't exactly on the same level, but I suspect anything competing with Steam is going to struggle. I suppose that'd explain all the free games, trying anything to draw people in.

I heard about the Ring Fit thing a short while ago, but I assumed it was just like Wii Fit or something. That sounds a lot more interesting though, and I probably will try it! I've been trying to do some exercise, but struggle to motivate myself too, so gamifying it should definitely help.

Good luck with your project(s) too, and thanks!

I'm glad things I've made have inspired you! And that you think I have the potential to make a(nother?) hit. I hope so, but we'll have to see how it goes. Perhaps I'd be most comfortable with a smaller but more devoted audience.

I'm also curious to see what you're working on yourself, if you're able and interested to share! I don't talk to other developers as much as I should.

It does seem that the social side of indie games is almost entirely responsible for whether they explode or fizzle into obscurity, and considering my CRIPPLING MENTAL ILLNESSES I'm wondering whether this is something I can ever succeed in. I don't even use social media! But is self-promotion something you feel comfortable about yourself, and do you have connections etc? How are you planning to tackle that mountain? Perhaps my biggest concern is knowing /where/ to post...

It definitely is important to play indie games, and I wish I did so more often. I think with me, I just fell out of playing games at all for a long period, and now it's difficult to get back into it due to a laundry list of stupid mental snags, like being tangled in a bunch of black ropes where there's no obvious way to escape them all at once. It takes time and careful effort.

I haven't got any new games - or a PS4 - since writing this post! I've been too focused on Belief. I'll add Baba Is You to my 'games to play' list though.

I'm not sceptical about Celeste, but I've yet to play it /because/ I expect it to be really impressive. And since the reaction to my attempt at creatively addressing similar issues (Sindrel Song) has been lukewarm at best, it exacerbates the defeated feelings just thinking about it. It - like Undertale - is one of the things I'll need to psyche myself up to play one day.

I wonder how the developers benefit from their games being 'sold' for free on the Epic Store like that. Exposure? But if there are free games on there, I have nothing to lose by giving it a go... at some point.

I'm unlikely to publish on there though, especially exclusively. I published Sindrel Song on Kartridge at first, assuming that the smaller platform would mean less competition, that even if I didn't earn a HUGE audience, at least a few thousand sales should be easy... but as of now it's got a grand total of 22 sales on there. Wow. It's why I'm considering it just not even released at all yet. I know Kartridge and the main provider of Fortnite aren't exactly on the same level, but I suspect anything competing with Steam is going to struggle. I suppose that'd explain all the free games, trying anything to draw people in.

I heard about the Ring Fit thing a short while ago, but I assumed it was just like Wii Fit or something. That sounds a lot more interesting though, and I probably will try it! I've been trying to do /some/ exercise, but struggle to motivate myself too, so gamifying it should definitely help.

Good luck with your project(s) too, and thanks!

ikiimoni5~5Y

I saw your progress on Belief, and it's really exciting to see that you're feeling motivated! I think there are few things more satisfying than making a surge of progress.

Self-promotion isn't something I'm uncomfortable with, per se, but it's not something I have experience with. I'm currently a student and save for something I did during a 48-hour game jam, haven't made anything publically available. What I'm currently working on now I'd like to release to the public once I get it nice and polished, and I'd be more than happy to share it with you when I feel it's ready to be shared in some sort of beta.

Most, if not all, of my connections, have been through my school. Mainly with my peers, alumni, faculty, and people I've met during company visits or interviews. For professional networking, I suggest using something like LinkedIn. It's like Facebook, but exclusively for business/work-related stuff. You'd put your resume up on there, add people you know as professional connections, link to projects you've worked on, and sometimes post (most people don't do that though).

I have no idea where to post either. It seems like most indie developers tend to use twitter to promote their works since twitter content is shared pretty frequently relative to other social media platforms. I have a twitter for when I'm ready to promote games I'm making, but at the moment it's almost exclusively filled with bad jokes. Sometimes there's stuff like developer live streams on twitch, or on their websites, but that doesn't sound like your style.

As for Kartridge, I don't think it has too many paying users. While the sales numbers are really low on Kartridge, Memody is the eighth result in the "Hot and Fresh" tab and the third result in the "Staff Picks" tab. There's a good chance that this could be more an issue with having an extremely limited audience.

There *is* something really weird that I plan on doing for promoting my game. Rivals of Aether, an indie game inspired by Super Smash Bros., recently added functionality for custom characters and stages in the Steam Workshop. I plan on developing a move set for the main character of the game I'm working on and publish it with links to my game in the description. The character herself will probably only get a few hundred downloads assuming she winds up being popular, but it'll make for a nice portfolio piece on my resume, and will be fun to play against friends with. Do I recommend this? If you're trying to make money, no. If you're trying to build a portfolio, yes.

I'd be more than happy to keep in touch if you want to. I find that game development is tiring, stressful, and fun, and it's something that once I get back from doing work, I like to kick up my feet and chat about it.

I saw your progress on Belief, and it's really exciting to see that you're feeling motivated! I think there are few things more satisfying than making a surge of progress.

Self-promotion isn't something I'm uncomfortable with, per se, but it's not something I have experience with. I'm currently a student and save for something I did during a 48-hour game jam, haven't made anything publically available. What I'm currently working on now I'd like to release to the public once I get it nice and polished, and I'd be more than happy to share it with you when I feel it's ready to be shared in some sort of beta.

Most, if not all, of my connections, have been through my school. Mainly with my peers, alumni, faculty, and people I've met during company visits or interviews. For professional networking, I suggest using something like LinkedIn. It's like Facebook, but exclusively for business/work-related stuff. You'd put your resume up on there, add people you know as professional connections, link to projects you've worked on, and sometimes post (most people don't do that though).

I have no idea where to post either. It seems like most indie developers tend to use twitter to promote their works since twitter content is shared pretty frequently relative to other social media platforms. I have a twitter for when I'm ready to promote games I'm making, but at the moment it's almost exclusively filled with bad jokes. Sometimes there's stuff like developer live streams on twitch, or on their websites, but that doesn't sound like your style.

As for Kartridge, I don't think it has too many paying users. While the sales numbers are really low on Kartridge, Memody is the eighth result in the "Hot and Fresh" tab and the third result in the "Staff Picks" tab. There's a good chance that this could be more an issue with having an extremely limited audience.

There *is* something really weird that I plan on doing for promoting my game. Rivals of Aether, an indie game inspired by Super Smash Bros., recently added functionality for custom characters and stages in the Steam Workshop. I plan on developing a move set for the main character of the game I'm working on and publish it with links to my game in the description. The character herself will probably only get a few hundred downloads assuming she winds up being popular, but it'll make for a nice portfolio piece on my resume, and will be fun to play against friends with. Do I recommend this? If you're trying to make money, no. If you're trying to build a portfolio, yes.

I'd be more than happy to keep in touch if you want to. I find that game development is tiring, stressful, and fun, and it's something that once I get back from doing work, I like to kick up my feet and chat about it.

konakai1~5Y

If you're looking for peaceful transcendentalist venturing that doesn't remind you of your own artistic style; I'd recommend Endless Ocean: Blue World for the Nintendo Wii.

nTabem3~5Y

Hey, I've been trying to catch-up to your posts, so commenting only now. Hope things have been positive in the last months.

About the topic I would like to contribute by stating that you and your work is not inferior to anything else. Writing this, I'm aware that you've acknowledge your hang-ups are due to mental issues so this might be patronizing to you and ineffective, like trying to water a desert. Still, having someone else present how they see the situation might help and I feel I should do it. Your work is consistently of high quality, with polish and charm, and this applies to everything you do. In fact, I would wager you produced more work, more consistently than most authors of other indie hits you compare yourself to.

Well, wish you to be able to make progress in this area. Also recently I've played a game that reminded me of Sindrel Song, because of its theme, even though this game is very short and plays nothing like it. Just in case, leaving it here: Adventures With Anxiety! [LINK]

Hey, I've been trying to catch-up to your posts, so commenting only now. Hope things have been positive in the last months.

About the topic I would like to contribute by stating that you and your work is not inferior to anything else. Writing this, I'm aware that you've acknowledge your hang-ups are due to mental issues so this might be patronizing to you and ineffective, like trying to water a desert. Still, having someone else present how they see the situation might help and I feel I should do it. Your work is consistently of high quality, with polish and charm, and this applies to everything you do. In fact, I would wager you produced more work, more consistently than most authors of other indie hits you compare yourself to.

Well, wish you to be able to make progress in this area. Also recently I've played a game that reminded me of Sindrel Song, because of its theme, even though this game is very short and plays nothing like it. Just in case, leaving it here: Adventures With Anxiety! https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/738688.