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I should play more games

5 years ago - Edited 5 years ago1,340 words

I'm not sure what, though. Should I buy a PS4 on a whim??

I've started the self-publishing process for Sindrel Song, but apparently it'll take quite a long time. Just approving the various forms I spent hours filling in takes 2-7 days, and it also mentioned some 30 day approval period, and two weeks to review any uploaded game for safety, appropriateness, etc, which might be on top of the 30 days, or part of it? I don't know, I'll have to find out as I go. The point is that there's little I can do with it now other than wait.

It did mention that those two weeks are when you should be promoting the game and getting people to add it to their wishlists or whatever, so I'll start worrying about that then.

For now, I'm planning to work on Belief... though I've also been telling myself for a while that if I want to make games, I should be playing them a lot more than I am, like every day (which very much isn't the case at the moment). I've been saying to myself that I should look into indie games, since they're what I'm making myself and would be a much better source of inspiration than the mass-appeal triple-A ones, but I keep putting it off. Largely it's because of CRIPPLING INSECURITY; I assume those games will be similar to what I'm doing, but better, and even if that might not actually be true, it's intimidating and leads to avoidance behaviour. AAA games don't have the same effect, since I know they're well beyond what I could ever produce alone, so they feel less like direct rivals. But since they're games, they can still inspire, of course.

I feel like I spend almost all my time trying to do development work at the moment, but I waste too much of the time feeling fatigued or uninspired. I envy people who have a clear separation between their work and play places and times. For me, it's get up, go to this computer, work, sleep, repeat. If I could at least get a break from this damn desk by at least playing games away from it, I feel like that could actually help my productivity. And sanity. I also got into games development because I loved playing games, but I feel like I lost touch with that a while ago, and rekindling it could help in a lot of ways. I'll be more interested in making games, plus I'll be able to learn from modern experiences instead of basing everything I make on things I played when I was younger, or ideas completely detached from what other people are familiar with.

On a recent post, some of you suggested some games I should play, and I made a list of them. I've been meaning to get around to at least one of the games on that list for ages, but it just feels so weirdly difficult. Maybe it's because I know I'll be playing them on this same PC I work on and it's hard to switch from work mode to a mental mode suited to that, and of course there's the intimidation of them being similar to what I'm trying to do but probably better.

So I've been wondering whether to get a PS4, so then the novelty and investment might 'force' me to start playing it, then once I get into the right state of mind and structure my time to include daily gaming, starting with less intimidating AAA games, it might be easier to continue with other experiences more similar to what I'm trying to make myself? Something like that.

I got a Switch while recovering from brain surgery, mostly to play Breath of the Wild, and the new Pokemon games that'll be coming out later this month. There are only two or three other Switch games that I've played, but no others that I'm especially interested in. I saw something about Kingdom Hearts earlier today though, and was reminded that the third one's out (well, the one with III in the name), which I'd like to play because I grew up with the earlier installments and looked forward to it at one point. There's also the Final Fantasy VII Remake coming out next year that I'm curious about.

I don't exactly have money, though. Ages ago, I talked about getting an Oculus Rift (which I haven't touched in a while, though I did play more games on that than on most consoles I've ever had), and I still remember a not-exactly-pleasant comment from someone on this blog (many months later) criticising me for saying I don't have money, but then going and buying something expensive like that. It made me wonder whether I seemed deceptive or something to everyone. Usually I don't buy anything, but in that case, VR was an experience so different to anything else, and I was so deep in depression that I thought I'd end up killing myself within a year, so I ate into my meagre savings to experience something I'd wanted to since I was little while I still had the chance. Similarly, I got a Switch shortly after the surgery when I couldn't get out of bed, and wasn't sure how much longer I'd live anyway. So I'm not inclined to spend what to me with my lack of significant income are fairly hefty amounts of money on a whim, and usually only do so when there's some strong reason like those.

This situation's different, since death isn't on the immediate horizon anymore, and my income situation hasn't exactly improved as I hoped it might from making a game. And I can't imagine I'll make much at all from Sindrel Song when I do finally get around to releasing it (especially since it'll likely be close to Christmas, unless I delay for months more, which isn't any better).

Apparently I could buy a PS4 console for £210. That's not too bad; I thought it'd be a lot more. I could afford it. But what games would I actually want to play? Most of them are these gritty, violent, realistic things that just don't interest me at all despite being massively interesting to most gamers (Red Dead Redemption, for example)...

I'm looking up "top PS4" games. Most of them fall into this category. Strangely, Horizon Zero Dawn registers as more interesting than others despite being in the same general category, though maybe I wouldn't like it anyway. Also, Undertale's mentioned in one of these "top PS4" games lists. Grumble. Wish I'd made Undertale. Wish I could enjoy it instead of just feeling terrible when I see it mentioned! What a horrible way for a mind to function. But making a sudden leap from this mental horribleness to playing something like that is too much, which is why I'm hoping to ease into it via AAA games. Have I ever mentioned that I'm mentally ill??

I stopped playing Kingdom Hearts games when one was released on the PSP, which I didn't have, but I see that there are 'HD remakes' of the games that I've missed available on the PS4. So I could buy several different Kingdom Hearts games and play those back-to-back. That'd be... an ordeal, but they're at least something I have existing curiosity about? Or have I outgrown them? Is that the joy-sapping depression speaking? Hmm.

Beyond that, I don't know. Nothing stands out to me. But it's not as if I ever end up with a ton of games for any console. Usually I just get a handful, and consider it worth the investment anyway because the experiences stick with me for years. I'd rather form deep feelings and memories from a few games than get a whole bunch that I forget soon after or never even finish.

Which of the current generation of consoles do you have, if any? What games would you suggest? Do you feel that getting the consoles you have was worth the investment?