Alora Fane

I haven't played any new games this past week because I can't decide what to play! I did watch a Netflix series though.

I was going to write about some general life stuff, but there's not all that much to say! I've been working on some lifestyle changes that are having positive effects so far, and I've got a satisfying amount done as a result, but it's not really very interesting to write or read about. My next brain appointment's next Wednesday, so I'll find out whether my life is over or not then. My excitement knows no bounds.

I've also been sticking with trying to evoke lucid dreams, and I've been able to record a dream in some detail every morning. None lucid yet, but I feel I'm getting there. Seems that most of my dreams feature one or both of the two people I've been closest to, though those people both got understandably sick of my madness and moved on years ago. The dreams aren't full of desperate longing or painful shame; they're fairly neutral, tame, which I find surprising. I suppose relationships that go beyond a certain point find a permanent place in the mind, or at least in my mind, and since I've not exactly had any others since those people, this is all my mind has to work with. Interesting. One of the tips for evoking lucid dreams is to notice recurring themes in your dreams so you'll know when you're having one and become conscious within it, so I'll keep this in mind. If I see those lost faces, I'm probably dreaming.

One of the things I've been meaning to do is to play more games, as I've previously said. I wrote last time about GRIS, which I aimed to follow directly with something else... but I chose that because it was a lone suggestion, while others get added to a list which feels intimidating when I look at it. Here's what it's got on it so far:

Undertale
Shovel Knight
Steven Universe Save the Light
Hypnospace Outlaw
Wuppo
Celeste
Roundabout
A Hat in Time
The World Ends With You (Switch)
Disco Elysium
Baba Is You
Sunless Sea
Crypt of the Necrodancer
Four Last things
Donut County
Inside
Limbo
Octopath Traveler
Marmite: Sinned Rule Sun
Treasure Adventure World
Frayed Knights
The Outer Worlds

I know absolutely nothing about most of them and a little bit about a few; I've just added anything that anyone has mentioned to me in comments here. Some are probably popular, others might be obscure. I know I should play Undertale, but that's intimidating since it seems to be close to what I've been trying to make but has been infinitely more successful, so I'm hoping to build up to it. Celeste seems similar in that it's admired for doing what I hoped to do with Sindrel Song, but much better. Hmm. I was going to play the Steven Universe game next, but kept putting it off for no good reason. Eh...

∞ Here's a poll with those options ∞ (except Undertale). You can vote for multiple things! Make my decision for me because I can't do it myself!! Aahhh!!!!

In a comment sometime last week, Mania mentioned Craig Stern, the guy who made Telepath RPG, a Flash game around the time of MARDEK. I consider him one of my contemporaries, and it's interesting to see that he's stuck with that; it seems like everyone from that era except for me stuck with their successful projects and made something of it, though I suppose I'm trying to claw my way out of the cocoon I've trapped myself in now so maybe I won't be an exception for much longer.

He reached out to me once, I think? Years ago, I can't clearly remember, or what we talked about. He's also apparently had some meaningful success with Kickstarter and is much more involved in the indie games community than I am (though that's not hard since I'm not involved at all), so perhaps contacting him is somewhere to start in my long quest to regaining some relevance. I feel like I want to get to a point where I have something to show first, though, so I'm not rushing things.

I've been playing one of those mobile gacha games called Marvel Strike Force for almost two years now, and it's been getting to the point recently where it's an absolute chore that I'm eager to quit (it expects you to play for like two hours every single day, no breaks). I'm part of an 'alliance' though, with other real humans, and that alone is what's preventing me from quitting; surely a deliberate choice to keep people psychologically hooked so then the creators can continue to bleed them dry. Ghastly practices. I don't actually talk to my alliance at all due to my CRIPPLING ANXIETY ISSUES - I'm only a member since the game forces you to be in one - but I had to reach out to say I'm quitting, which led to conversations with a couple of them on Discord (which is how alliances keep in touch), which I found surprisingly fulfilling, though they were brief. I know I'm starved of human connection.

It made me wonder whether to set up a Discord to build up a new community myself. But then I remember all the stress of Fig Hunter and feel hesitant. I don't know; maybe I could make it invite-only, for Patreon patrons or Kickstarter donators or something? I'll give it some thought, though it might take a while for anything to manifest.

The only other notable thing this week is that I watched this Netflix series called Messiah. The hook is essentially "what if Jesus second-came in this modern world of apple watches and talking houses and middle eastern terrorists? What would that be like?!? Would anyone believe he was real?!?!?"

It seemed relevant to what I'm trying to make myself, dealing with themes of religion and belief, influencing others, a Christ-like figure claiming to represent God but in a way that clashes with people's modern-day scepticism or their long-held specific religious convictions.

I found it intriguing, gripping; I looked forward to watching each new episode until I got to the end. The main messiah character is enigmatic and otherworldly, and I found it interesting seeing how other people interacted with him, and wondering what he might do next. A consistent theme that runs throughout, starting at the beginning, is whether or not he's the real deal, and there's enough to support either interpretation.

I usually enjoy things for what they are without expecting them to be something else, and I'm shocked when I check reviews afterwards and see that other people's feelings weren't quite as fuzzy as my own, as seems to have been the case with critics' opinions of this. I suppose since Netflix series are a rare 'treat' (if that's the word) for me, but a constant part of every day for them, that's going to affect perceptions. As is whether or not series are binge-watched or not; one reviewer complained of the sheer feat of endurance that was binging all ten episodes back-to-back, and all I could think of "why didn't you space them out, then, you insaniac??". Maybe they didn't have a choice. I watched two episodes a day myself, with hours between them, and that pace was more than fine.

I liked it, as a whole, though the setting is one that I'm not exactly fond of or interested in. Modern real-world serious Mature Adults sternly, swiftly striding through professional corridors while scowling into space and exchanging heartless, frantic intel about the ne'er-do-wells they're trying to shoot dead, plotting politics, hiding secrets. Unpleasant, humourless characters flaunting their toughness, running themselves ragged with their high-powered jobs, jutting their chins at others or smirking at the sky, having wordless, angry sex with frenemies then coldly, profanely regretting it as they rub their scarred fingers on their wedding rings. All atop a background of private rage, every expressed emotion tinged with a hint of red.

There's something that stood out to me, and I don't know whether it's specific to this particular work of fiction, or whether it appears in all this Serious Adult Drama stuff; it's not like I watch much of it. Several times, two characters sat beside one another, staring at the floor or the wall, exchanging brief snippets of dialogue interspersed with lengthy silences, evading questions, swearing at each other for the audacity of prying. Occasionally one of the characters would accurately mind-read what the other was thinking in the moment, to the other's frustration and denial, as if that's the only way to break through the wall they've put up; they're certainly not holding open any doors. It makes me think about how much I probably overshare compared to the mask-wearing masses. How everyone's clad in thick armour because it's the only way to stay safe out there in the social world. How many problems happen in these dramas because people don't share things with one another! But then again I'm incredibly naive.

It also had a whole bunch of intertwined sub-plots, a whole bunch of characters, which it darted between without doing much with many of them. Odd choice, I thought. I think the only character I actually liked was the messiah himself, but I was curious enough about him to endure the rest. He didn't actually appear all that often, though it felt like the times that he did usually counted. Usually. There were scenes which caused a very strong emotional reaction within me, usually when he was on screen. Tension, uncertainty, dread, hope. Really interesting! It made me want to evoke something similar with my own work. His morality came across as alien, too; rather than doing miraculous acts of goodness at all times, like an archetypal pure-good Jesus character might, some of his actions were shocking in a way that the actions of a god very well might be to our mortal minds.

Overall I'm glad I watched it, and there are a few exchanges I'll be keeping in mind when it comes to writing for Divine Dreams. I prefer things that blend more emotional drama with bright silliness though, rather than this cold-hearted Maturity, and that's what I'll be aiming to do in my own story... which I'll write about in the other half of this weekly update!

10 COMMENTS