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Weekly Update 2020-2 (Personal)
5 years ago - Edited 5 years ago1,756 words
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I haven't played any new games this past week because I can't decide what to play! I did watch a Netflix series though.

I was going to write about some general life stuff, but there's not all that much to say! I've been working on some lifestyle changes that are having positive effects so far, and I've got a satisfying amount done as a result, but it's not really very interesting to write or read about. My next brain appointment's next Wednesday, so I'll find out whether my life is over or not then. My excitement knows no bounds.

I've also been sticking with trying to evoke lucid dreams, and I've been able to record a dream in some detail every morning. None lucid yet, but I feel I'm getting there. Seems that most of my dreams feature one or both of the two people I've been closest to, though those people both got understandably sick of my madness and moved on years ago. The dreams aren't full of desperate longing or painful shame; they're fairly neutral, tame, which I find surprising. I suppose relationships that go beyond a certain point find a permanent place in the mind, or at least in my mind, and since I've not exactly had any others since those people, this is all my mind has to work with. Interesting. One of the tips for evoking lucid dreams is to notice recurring themes in your dreams so you'll know when you're having one and become conscious within it, so I'll keep this in mind. If I see those lost faces, I'm probably dreaming.

One of the things I've been meaning to do is to play more games, as I've previously said. I wrote last time about GRIS, which I aimed to follow directly with something else... but I chose that because it was a lone suggestion, while others get added to a list which feels intimidating when I look at it. Here's what it's got on it so far:


Undertale
Shovel Knight
Steven Universe Save the Light
Hypnospace Outlaw
Wuppo
Celeste
Roundabout
A Hat in Time
The World Ends With You (Switch)
Disco Elysium
Baba Is You
Sunless Sea
Crypt of the Necrodancer
Four Last things
Donut County
Inside
Limbo
Octopath Traveler
Marmite: Sinned Rule Sun
Treasure Adventure World
Frayed Knights
The Outer Worlds


I know absolutely nothing about most of them and a little bit about a few; I've just added anything that anyone has mentioned to me in comments here. Some are probably popular, others might be obscure. I know I should play Undertale, but that's intimidating since it seems to be close to what I've been trying to make but has been infinitely more successful, so I'm hoping to build up to it. Celeste seems similar in that it's admired for doing what I hoped to do with Sindrel Song, but much better. Hmm. I was going to play the Steven Universe game next, but kept putting it off for no good reason. Eh...

∞ Here's a poll with those options ∞ (except Undertale). You can vote for multiple things! Make my decision for me because I can't do it myself!! Aahhh!!!!



In a comment sometime last week, Mania mentioned Craig Stern, the guy who made Telepath RPG, a Flash game around the time of MARDEK. I consider him one of my contemporaries, and it's interesting to see that he's stuck with that; it seems like everyone from that era except for me stuck with their successful projects and made something of it, though I suppose I'm trying to claw my way out of the cocoon I've trapped myself in now so maybe I won't be an exception for much longer.

He reached out to me once, I think? Years ago, I can't clearly remember, or what we talked about. He's also apparently had some meaningful success with Kickstarter and is much more involved in the indie games community than I am (though that's not hard since I'm not involved at all), so perhaps contacting him is somewhere to start in my long quest to regaining some relevance. I feel like I want to get to a point where I have something to show first, though, so I'm not rushing things.

I've been playing one of those mobile gacha games called Marvel Strike Force for almost two years now, and it's been getting to the point recently where it's an absolute chore that I'm eager to quit (it expects you to play for like two hours every single day, no breaks). I'm part of an 'alliance' though, with other real humans, and that alone is what's preventing me from quitting; surely a deliberate choice to keep people psychologically hooked so then the creators can continue to bleed them dry. Ghastly practices. I don't actually talk to my alliance at all due to my CRIPPLING ANXIETY ISSUES - I'm only a member since the game forces you to be in one - but I had to reach out to say I'm quitting, which led to conversations with a couple of them on Discord (which is how alliances keep in touch), which I found surprisingly fulfilling, though they were brief. I know I'm starved of human connection.

It made me wonder whether to set up a Discord to build up a new community myself. But then I remember all the stress of Fig Hunter and feel hesitant. I don't know; maybe I could make it invite-only, for Patreon patrons or Kickstarter donators or something? I'll give it some thought, though it might take a while for anything to manifest.





The only other notable thing this week is that I watched this Netflix series called Messiah. The hook is essentially "what if Jesus second-came in this modern world of apple watches and talking houses and middle eastern terrorists? What would that be like?!? Would anyone believe he was real?!?!?"

It seemed relevant to what I'm trying to make myself, dealing with themes of religion and belief, influencing others, a Christ-like figure claiming to represent God but in a way that clashes with people's modern-day scepticism or their long-held specific religious convictions.

I found it intriguing, gripping; I looked forward to watching each new episode until I got to the end. The main messiah character is enigmatic and otherworldly, and I found it interesting seeing how other people interacted with him, and wondering what he might do next. A consistent theme that runs throughout, starting at the beginning, is whether or not he's the real deal, and there's enough to support either interpretation.

I usually enjoy things for what they are without expecting them to be something else, and I'm shocked when I check reviews afterwards and see that other people's feelings weren't quite as fuzzy as my own, as seems to have been the case with critics' opinions of this. I suppose since Netflix series are a rare 'treat' (if that's the word) for me, but a constant part of every day for them, that's going to affect perceptions. As is whether or not series are binge-watched or not; one reviewer complained of the sheer feat of endurance that was binging all ten episodes back-to-back, and all I could think of "why didn't you space them out, then, you insaniac??". Maybe they didn't have a choice. I watched two episodes a day myself, with hours between them, and that pace was more than fine.

I liked it, as a whole, though the setting is one that I'm not exactly fond of or interested in. Modern real-world serious Mature Adults sternly, swiftly striding through professional corridors while scowling into space and exchanging heartless, frantic intel about the ne'er-do-wells they're trying to shoot dead, plotting politics, hiding secrets. Unpleasant, humourless characters flaunting their toughness, running themselves ragged with their high-powered jobs, jutting their chins at others or smirking at the sky, having wordless, angry sex with frenemies then coldly, profanely regretting it as they rub their scarred fingers on their wedding rings. All atop a background of private rage, every expressed emotion tinged with a hint of red.

There's something that stood out to me, and I don't know whether it's specific to this particular work of fiction, or whether it appears in all this Serious Adult Drama stuff; it's not like I watch much of it. Several times, two characters sat beside one another, staring at the floor or the wall, exchanging brief snippets of dialogue interspersed with lengthy silences, evading questions, swearing at each other for the audacity of prying. Occasionally one of the characters would accurately mind-read what the other was thinking in the moment, to the other's frustration and denial, as if that's the only way to break through the wall they've put up; they're certainly not holding open any doors. It makes me think about how much I probably overshare compared to the mask-wearing masses. How everyone's clad in thick armour because it's the only way to stay safe out there in the social world. How many problems happen in these dramas because people don't share things with one another! But then again I'm incredibly naive.

It also had a whole bunch of intertwined sub-plots, a whole bunch of characters, which it darted between without doing much with many of them. Odd choice, I thought. I think the only character I actually liked was the messiah himself, but I was curious enough about him to endure the rest. He didn't actually appear all that often, though it felt like the times that he did usually counted. Usually. There were scenes which caused a very strong emotional reaction within me, usually when he was on screen. Tension, uncertainty, dread, hope. Really interesting! It made me want to evoke something similar with my own work. His morality came across as alien, too; rather than doing miraculous acts of goodness at all times, like an archetypal pure-good Jesus character might, some of his actions were shocking in a way that the actions of a god very well might be to our mortal minds.

Overall I'm glad I watched it, and there are a few exchanges I'll be keeping in mind when it comes to writing for Divine Dreams. I prefer things that blend more emotional drama with bright silliness though, rather than this cold-hearted Maturity, and that's what I'll be aiming to do in my own story... which I'll write about in the other half of this weekly update!

10 COMMENTS

Maniafig222~5Y
The poll choices I voted for were the following:

-Shovel Knight
-Steven Universe
-Hypnospace Outlaw
-Wuppo
-Celeste

Of the bunch I think Celeste and Hypnospace Outlaw would appeal to you most, since they're both very character-driven games. Celeste because it deals with themes of anxiety and mental health thought its plot and gameplay, while in Hypnospace Outlaw the charm and appeal of the game comes from the character-driven nature of all the webpages you have to inspect and clues you need to piece together.

Hypnospace Outlaw is definitely the wordier of the two! Whereas Celeste is mostly platforming gameplay interspersed with bits of dialogue now and then, reading is the main gameplay of Hypnospace Outlaw.

You should definitely quit that gacha game ASAP! I got way too much into a gacha game myself for a period, and quitting it in 2019 was one of the best decisions I made. Those games are absolute time sinks for distressingly low yields. You can still play the game every now and then, but I think taking a break from the game will show just how little you're actually missing out and how much time it frees up.

Many games and sites these days have their own dedicated Discord communities. There's one I'm in, and there was another I was in for part of 2019, though I left that one. Having the community open to a select group of people at first is a good idea since it lets you control the tone of the community better, so once more people join it's already set in a specific culture. Access to discord servers or to subsections of a server is a common Kickstarter and Patreon backer reward.

Most mature content either seems to fall in two camps, either it's all cold and brooding and self-serious, or it's raunchy, gross unappealing and IN YOUR FACE OFFENSIVE. I don't really care much for either, which is why I like shows like Bob's Burgers which are mature but also resoundingly optimistic and wholesome. Well, and very funny, of course.

I never understood binge-watching myself either! I get wanting to watch a show quickly if you can, but I wouldn't watch more than two episodes a day, let alone a whole series back-to-back, that's ridiculous!
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Tobias 1115~5Y
Looks like Celeste's topped the list, so I'll probably play that next... though it's only marginally less intimidating than Undertale because of how people have gushed about how well it explores the mental health themes. If more people had felt that way about Sindrel Song, it'd feel like looking at an alternate perspective by a peer, but now it just feels like looking at a more broadly appealing approach than I took myself. Oh well, I'm obviously not going to be able to appeal to people if I avoid things that do it well! That's stupid.

I have now quit that gacha game! Already it feels like a huge weight's lifted. I've been meaning to for ages, but I kept telling myself I should keep playing at least until I get the ball rolling with Divine Dreams so then I could be inspired by its turn-based mechanics. I used to play the very similar Star Wars Galaxy of Heroes before Marvel Strike Force, and when I quit that, I barely even thought about it afterwards; now I can hardly remember it. I'd hate to make a game that took so much of the player's time and left so faint a mark in their mind.

I think I might start a Discord server sooner rather than later, now that I won't have messages for that game popping up constantly... Maybe I should get my Patreon up and running again very soon too. Hmm. Reading some stuff about Craig Stern in another comment made the idea of a Kickstarter far more intimidating; maybe that's not the way for me to go. I'll need to give it some thought.

I've never watched Bob's Burgers, but I think I should! Or is it full of gory violence, like Rick and Morty is?? Doesn't seem like it'd fit with the setting at all, but it also seems like every adult cartoon I see these days is!
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Maniafig222~5Y
Good on you for quitting that gacha game! The hard part is taking the first step, once you actually stop playing though it's surprisingly easy to keep not playing it. Personally I have much more respect for games that don't waste the player's time than games that do! Yet it also seems to be good business for freemium games to do exactly that, waste people's time and offer them a shortcut by paying money...

There's no gore in Bob's Burgers! I don't think there's even any explicit content of any kind, they don't use the big swear words, there's no slurs, no violence or blood, or any adult body parts for that matter. I do think you'd like the show, it's very witty and it hasn't fallen off in quality despite being in its 10th season now. I'd much rather people watched shows like this instead of Rick & Morty or South Park or Deathkill Chihuahua Gorefest Sexinator!
1
purplerabbits148~5Y
I'd say for a discord probably an invite only would be the safest option considering what I've heard about your experiences with fighunter. And chances are if it's via kickstarter or patreon, you'll see some of us around. Hopefully, we don't scare you that much o-o

Commentors on series are interesting. I know that for the series Good Omen, most of the offened people saw the series as blasphemous. And then there was one who was offended right 'round the other direction because "the series promoted creationism." Having watched all 6 episodes, I can say that both are off base a bit. Well, for starters, it's a comedy series so it's expected that things don't go exactly as the Bible says it does. And secondly, the opening sequence involves God narration of when she, yes she, created the universe and how the calculated age was wrong and it was on a Tuesday (or Thursday I forget the exact quote). That jab really doesn't promote creationism. And thirdly, even though the series take the piss out religion, specifically Christianity, it doesn't beat down that religion is bad. The series takes some of the stories of Christianity and puts their own spin on it while holding the roots of the story true. I mean if you want offensive, I think the Brazilian series of weed smoking Jesus would qualify, even though the creators say it's a comedy.
1
Tobias 1115~5Y
The regular commenters here, yourself included, would be the people I'd hope would join the Discord!

I saw Good Omens a few weeks ago, though I didn't look up reviews for that for whatever reason so this is the first I've heard of those responses! I'd read the original book years ago and liked both the authors (Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman), so I regarded it mostly as a Thing By Them and knew it to be a comedy at its core. Not everything has to promote something, and fiction isn't fact, of course!
1
swatllama15~5Y
I see LIMBO on that list. It's also on my extensively long list of games to play that I own and haven't gotten to.

I watched some of the GDC talk from the limbo developers. It's not about Limbo, but about the precursor game - since they used Unity, you might find some of the stuff here relevant: [LINK]
1
MontyCallay101~5Y
It's always a treat to read your weekly updates! It's great to see how things are developing. Not with your cancer check-up, of course, which seems disconcerting, to say the least. But you seem to be coping quite well with that in general, so good for you!

I've always been somewhat curious about lucid dreams - especially, perhaps, because I've never really had any - other than some nightmares years ago, where I at some point reached lucidity (in the "oh, this is a dream" kind of way) and was able to will myself to wake up. But that sort of "active" dreaming is something I've never really experienced. One thing I have found is that I dream more frequently (or at least, remember dreams more frequently) when I'm visiting home for the holidays. Perhaps due to the carefree nature of the holiday season? :P

In general, it's probably not a bad idea to build a stronger community with a discord - I do agree that you should, for the moment, probably keep it invite-only, since that would probably make it a lot easier for you to manage and come back to, rather than being a room of complete strangers (or worse, trolls) who you don't feel comfortable around. That's how you could start it, at least, and open it up further as you become more comfortable with really expanding your community.

It's funny, I remember Craig Stern quite well - that was the only flash game developer other than yourself whom I really followed at the time, and I backed his Kickstarter for his latest Telepath game, I think. There's somewhat of an interesting story behind that, if I remember correctly, since his first Kickstarter for that project failed, but he was able to learn his lessons and really succeed with a second one! I kept thinking about him when I read your ideas about running a Kickstarter, since he wrote two articles about the whole thing, "How to not fail at Kickstarter in 12 easy steps" [LINK] and "How to not fail at Kickstarter in 8 more steps" [LINK] back in 2014 which are probably a decent resource to start with. He wrote this really interesting one on Gamasutra on the sales of the game as well: [LINK] .

I think contacting him and learning from Kickstarter success stories in general would be a good start! I know I tend to put off *contacting* strangers like that because it requires a strong conscious effort for me to think about what to write - and it's not like you get an immediate reaction either. But it can, as it is with some anxieties, be overcome with exposure, and something that would probably make things a lot easier in your situation. One of the things that helps me with tackling my own anxieties is talking to people who can offer perspective and advice from experience in those respective areas - that at least seem to make the obstacles one faces seem somewhat manageable.

Edit: Bug report: Despite me making the first two links HTTP URLs when writing the comment, they end up being HTTPS URLs when clicked - which lead to an error page, since the website in question doesn't support HTTPS.
1
Tobias 1115~5Y
I've had some lucid dreams before, but the degree of lucidity is on a spectrum, and some people report having dreams that feel indistinguishable from reality, or even more real than real. I don't think I've had one of those, but I'd love to! Isn't it strange that humans have the innate ability to do something like this, but most people either aren't aware of it or don't care? It should be taught in schools, I think. I wonder how different the world would be if people were able to consciously enact their wildest fantasies every night.

I wasn't aware of those articles written by Craig Stern, but I just read the one about the profits for his game, and... hmm. I suppose my excitement about contacting him being the best way to move forward has dampened a bit, since he seems way more involved and professional than I've ever been! Going to conventions and paying various people for their services and such. Makes me feel like a naive child in comparison or something. He also didn't sell many copies or make much money from it, which is sad to hear, but it also seems it took forever to make. I'm intending to be done with a Divine Dreams chapter each year, and to make all the assets myself, but I wonder how naive that expectation is. I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

I haven't read the two articles about succeeding on Kickstarter yet (I will later), but I wonder whether it'd be a wise idea for me or not... Maybe it would be better to just use Patreon? He talks about having paid almost $10k for marketing during the promotion period. Obviously I can't afford that! Nor could I manage to go to conventions or things like that.

Eh... Maybe this games thing will end up being a failure in the end. It's definitely hard to make money, and I have a lot of handicaps when it comes to getting the word out. I'll just have to hope that what I make is able to make at least something in the end. Only time will tell. Maybe releasing several connected RPGs will be the key to it all; I feel MARDEK 3 only did as well as it did because it was a sequel to two other things.

I didn't know some sites didn't support https! I suppose that's a rare thing, at least? Usually it's safer to convert everything to https, which is why that happens.
1
MontyCallay101~5Y
That's annoying that that article ended up making you feel worse! I feel like comparing yourself directly to other developers in terms of marketing abilities and recent success is setting yourself up for failure at the moment. I can remember reading that article again before I linked it and thinking, "Wow, Tobias really has an advantage being able to produce his own art rather than spending 25k+ on hiring someone to make it for him!" So it really is a matter of perspective. If you had that amount of money to spend (from a successful Kickstarter campaign perhaps, wink wink) then you could hire someone to help you with marketing as well. I think there's no shame in you taking small steps with this at first, as long as you do something. And from your plans for this year it sounds as if you're trying to take some steps in that direction.

I think running a campaign like that would be a good idea since 1) it's ultimately a manageable challenge for you that forces you to think about how to market yourself in general and 2) having a real Kickstarter project with the money behind you would probably be a lot more motivating to work for than just some vague patreon funding, which would also probably be more difficult to obtain without some reward behind it.

I've looked at his steps on how to run a Kickstarter, and none of them have as a requirement "become a marketing guru, spend thousands of $ in cash and start travelling the country looking for gaming conventions". Most of them are actually pretty obvious, like "Explain why you need the money" and "Lead with gameplay footage." Even his advice for marketing ultimately boils down to "E-mail the press, use social media, post updates everywhere, reach out to forums, respond to comments".

That's not an insurmountable goal! Most of the things that you'd have to do, like explaining what's interesting about the game, giving regular progress updates, and using social media to get the word out, you already do in some capacity already! You've even had some experience reaching out to press for Sindrel Song. The biggest challenge would probably be your social anxiety when reaching out to specific people and outlets, but that's something you might be able to work on and get help with. I realise that looking at someone else's success in marketing and running a campaign, that feels like an insurmountable hill to climb - but reaching out to someone like Craig might help make it less intimidating as a concept.
1
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