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Can I keep doing this?
4 years ago - Edited 4 years ago1,598 words
DepressionDoubtGame DevKickstarter MARDEKMARDEK RemakeMental IllnessMoneyPatreonPersonalPromotion RedditSocial YouTube
I struggled to sleep last night because I was fretting so much about whether I can continue doing this games thing.

I like what I'm doing, so that's not the issue! I mean, it's probably taking its toll on my body and mental health... but there's enough I enjoy about the creative process to make me want to continue doing it. It feels like I'm not cut out for anything else, and I've cultivated these skills which allow me to do what others can't, to produce end results that could potentially bring a lot of pleasure to a lot of people in a way I can't see myself doing in any other role. It feels like it'd be a huge waste to give it up.

The issue though comes from making enough money from it all to survive. Frustratingly, it feels like little's changed since I last talked about this months ago. If anything, the attention this blog gets has been decreasing over time, though that might have been because the reminder emails are no longer going out? Earlier today I (finally) heard back from my webhost about fixing my site's email addresses - which were broken for the same reasons the site went down recently - so that might be fixed now. Hopefully you got an email about this post (if you have an account set to receive notifications of personal posts)! I'm aware that quite a few people made accounts they've been unable to verify due to this issue, or they're locked out of their old one, so I'll look into adding a way to resend the verification email when I have time (if you're locked out though, I think you can do a password reset now? I'm not sure).

(Hmm, I got the notification emails myself, but they were marked as spam...)

I was hoping that the MARDEK release would attract quite a bit of interest - and a decent amount of sales - without effort on my part, due to the existing fanbase that seems to exist. I know it's still early - it's been less than a week since I moved to Coming Soon - but so far the number of people who've added it to their wishlist is... not promising. It's at 344 currently. Even if every single one of those bought it - they won't - that's around $3440 (not all of which I'll get), which isn't nothing, but which is far less than a minimum wage worker would get in a year. Not everyone who's going to get it will have added it to their wishlist, I know, but I suppose that's the only metric I have to go on at the moment.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting or hoping for really. I suppose anything over $10k - so 1000 sales - would be nice, though obviously getting ten times that would be even better. It's hard to judge though because MARDEK does have an existing fan following, but it's also a port of an amateur browser game which has been freely available for a decade. So who knows.

I haven't really put any effort into promoting it for a few reasons. One is that I hoped it'd do okay without worrying about the stress of that, as it has existing fans. Another is because I don't know how to promote. I know a bit from when I released Sindrel Song, but that only has just over 100 sales total so obviously whatever I did do wasn't worth the stress and effort it took.

I should probably put Sindrel Song on sale soon, actually, if a lot of people only buy games once they're on sale. I'll probably do that sometime this week.

I've been hoping that MARDEK would attract enough interest to this site that people would find out about and be willing to support Divine Dreams, at which point I'd be able to run a Kickstarter for that to secure some funding before I start so I'm not constantly worrying about whether it'll even make money.

I've not made any progress on actually starting a Kickstarter - or even researching how to do it - though I do think this video offers a valuable insight into the process:



I don't know anything about this person - Youtube's algorithm's just suggested him recently - but what he talks about in this video lines up well with how I've been seeing the crowdfunding thing myself, based on the research I have done. It's an awful lot of effort, it might not even work out, and there's the feeling of owing people which I really want to avoid myself. I feel that kind of obligation kills creativity.

He also mentioned his Patreon, where he has 128 backers contributing around $500 a month despite having hundreds of thousands of subscribers on Youtube. Things like that are... concerning. I've been planning to set up my Patreon properly for ages, but I keep putting it off for a bunch of different reasons. After being tormented by thoughts about all this last night, I had a renewed motivation to finally get around to doing that, so I likely will, probably also sometime this week. I don't know whether it'll amount to anything though.

I know at least a handful of people will support me, and I wish that were enough; I love the idea of having this little community of people who I can keep regularly informed with progress posts, and who contribute with their own intelligent viewpoints, like what already happens on this blog. It keeps motivation up, and there's not so much that it's overwhelming. Not some bickering, faceless crowd of critics to appease. It's just a shame that the cost of living is as high as it is. I'd need to earn $1000 at the bare minimum just to scrape by in a state of poverty, so if I had, say, 50 backers, they'd need to be paying $20 of their own hard-earned cash every month just to make up that amount. And I feel bad taking anything at all from people, so the whole thing just feels so uncomfortable to me...

I'm still uncertain of what I'd offer to make people's contributions feel worthwhile, like they're getting something out of it and it's not just charity. Like that guy mentioned in that video though, making various perks is a full-time job in itself, so I don't want to do anything like that; I want to make games! I know that's more of a crowdfunding thing than a Patreon thing, but I don't know what people do on Patreon. We've talked about it on this blog before, but I can't remember. I'll probably have to look to other people's Patreons to see what they do.

I also need to start using Reddit more frequently, playing other indie games and commenting in those communities, like I've been talking about for ages but never seem to actually get around to. It feels like once I break down the initial barrier and make it a habit, it should be easier, and perhaps the slap in the face that is poor sales will be a big motivator towards that...

I should probably use Twitter more too; I've been posting updates on there recently, and I've added it to the main page of this site so you can see what I tweet even if you don't use Twitter itself, but I still don't follow anyone or do anything social on there other than reply to comments that I get. It feels really rude, but it's just me being awkward and anxious, thinking either I'll do something wrong somewhere and embarrass myself, or that I'll read about what other people say and just end up crippled by comparison envy or get riled by constant arguments (Twitter apparently has a reputation for being full of these).

Speaking of embarrassment - though it's really more of a tangent - I also found this video from that same guy quite interesting:



It reminded me of the Old Shame I felt about MARDEK, and it makes me wonder whether MARDEK comes across as cringey teen literature or something! But I don't have the same revulsion towards my old work as he does; maybe it being played by millions and getting essentially universally positive feedback makes a little bit of a difference there. Still, I've made other stuff that'd make it feel like my life is over!!! were they to be mocked by the masses. I suppose every creator has at least something like that that they've made. It's worrying that the internet immortalises it all too. Hmm.

Anyway, it feels like ages since I last wrote a mostly personal post! Honestly I've not been doing well mentally recently (shocking, I know). I've been getting some work done, but I've also been depressed a lot, spending a lot of time just lying in bed. I've been taking days to reply to some personal messages from friends etc despite wanting to communicate with them because of low energy. I suppose that mental state leads to vulnerability to worrying about things like what I talked about in the rest of this post. Or maybe all those other factors are why I'm feeling like this. It's surely a mix.

Hopefully you're all doing alright yourselves! Thanks for reading! And thanks to those of you who reach out to me in emails too; there have been a few of those recently, and I've not been able to reply to them all. I don't know if they'll read this though!

21 COMMENTS

MontyCallay99~4Y
This type of post reappears every couple of months with some regularity, so I'm not entirely sure what there is left to say! All of us over here want to see you succeed, that's for sure!

But I can't imagine that things will change on their own unless you start doing something – research, outreach, engagement like the type you described – that's outside of your comfort zone. That simply is a part of your job if you want to "keep doing this" on your own! I would focus on trying to get something at all off the ground (perhaps dedicating 30 min of focused time every day) in regards to researching, community-building, outreach, marketing etc. before worrying about not knowing 100% of the specifics. That could be something to incorporate into your schedule, if you're still working with one.

I think it's unwise to get bogged down in all of these worries and criticisms about the details, since that sort of thing usually leads me to put off stuff like that further. When working on larger projects (just like with your games), the details often crystallise as you carry on. Also, spending time looking into the people that these models don't work out for seems to me like a counterproductive thing to do in terms of motivation. If I was in your position, I would try to look at what those whom it has worked out for have done right (though I'm aware of your anxieties regarding comparing yourself to other developers), and start off by trying to emulate that to a certain degree.

Is my understanding correct that this is mostly a motivation issue for you? If yes, that's something a therapist might be able to help with, though that of course has its own difficulties as well.

At any rate, I wish you all the best! You've overcome so much in the past, I'm certain you'll find a way to figure this out.
6
Tobias 1104~4Y
I just filtered by the Money tag, and it seems there's been a post in that category every 2 months for a while now. Amusing, I suppose... Feels like longer. But I suppose people commonly get stuck in cycles like this, especially when depressed. Though I'd say this time it's because I'm currently in the process of releasing MARDEK, which isn't nothing.

I've been intending to devote a bit of my days to all the stuff I hate for a while now, but there's always some excuse. I'm too tired, I'll do it tomorrow. That kind of thing. Maybe I should try doing it in the mornings instead.

Just setting up my Patreon today should be a start, at least.
4
Dingding32167~4Y
Just wanted to pop in and say that marketing is a skill like everything else, which obviously doesn't come easily to you, but most people who are good at it had to work it at as well. It does take time and effort, most of which is at the start, but to put it another way, it would be a huge shame if you put in so much amazing work on your games only to have them not reach their potential because you didn't actually market them at all! It'll be better once you get things going, and you've already gone through a lot of hard work in making these games, so it's just the last step :) Just think about how far you've come since the first MARDEK game and how much your drawing has improved with consistent practice! It's the last of the skills you need in the skillset of fully independent solo game dev, which makes you extremely well-rounded. There is always the option of paying someone to do it for you later on, once you've got a firm income to stand on, so it's not like you'll have to do something that you hate like marketing forever!
3
Tobias 1104~4Y
That's the best way to look at it, as a skill I can refine like all the others, but I suppose the annoying thing about this particular thing is how intertwined it is with the mental conditions which have destroyed everything else in my life. I've spent years trying to overcome them without much success. All the other creative factors feel like facets of the same general technique - there's a whole lot that, say, drawing or composing have in common, abstractly - but the whole networking thing is an entirely different animal.

It's true though that hopefully one day I'll be able to get someone else to handle all this. I wish I could do that now! But even if I had the money, negotiating a deal with such a person would still require pushing through the same mental barriers, annoyingly.

Thanks for the encouraging comment though. I know I talk about stuff like this a lot, like a broken record, but sadly mental illnesses aren't exactly one-shot things.
4
Dingding32167~4Y
You don't have to like it or be particular good at it, just competent enough- which is miles away from normal perfectionism, but just imagining the relief and vindication when you're finally able to do it may help motivate you as well. Try to treat gaining the skill as something you will inevitably achieve in your lifetime and take baby steps in trying to get there :) you've already made progress with your anxiety over these years and started that journey long ago, now it's just time for that next step. Recurrence of mental illness doesn't mean you've not improved! It won't be without difficulty to say the least, but definitely within your capabilities, given your capacity to learn and evolve. But yes, definitely a completely different kettle of fish and it's difficult to imagine just how struggling against something like depression every single day in some way or form would affect your perspective. Just makes whatever you end up achieving even more amazing! Hope all our comments help :)
2
mount201046~4Y
Tobias, it sounds like you're suffering a bit from imposter syndrome and burnout. I understand... It's not easy to continue doing something, especially when it's such a daunting task like making a *whole game* that will be received and criticized by others (especially when you're socially anxious!). Have you thought of making smaller things and releasing them to keep your mind going? Perhaps you will find new ideas there for your bigger project; after all, it seems like you treat Divine Dreams like it's your "magnum opus"; it's worth spending time "fermenting" it in your mind, letting ideas come; and doing what you enjoy doing in the meanwhile. About money: I think it's something everyone suffers with, especially creators like you; I think there are many, many, people who still remember MARDEK and would help there if they knew - which is why posts like this are great - it tells others what you need. Consider updating the original Flash versions with an appeal on the main menu to help support you by buying it on Steam, or to check out your blog for news on Divine Dreams - it might help. People *do* support creators (even in the brewing storm of a global recession!) - Dwarf Fortress got a *huge* boost in funding after its' creator talked about releasing the game on Steam due to medical issues in the family.

I also agree; it might help to post on Reddit; perhaps find a subreddit relevant to game creators and ask for support - I think you should be quite well-known to many people who have been on the internet for a while (I would say you were one of the biggest creators of the Flash era).
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Tobias 1104~4Y
I actually feel okay about the game I'm making! There are some doubts sometimes, but for the most part I'm hoping if I stick with it, it'll eventually do okay. (But then again I thought that way about Sindrel Song...)

The issues are all about promotion though. I just don't have the time or the temperament to go out there boasting about what I'm doing, being a salesman and trying to convince strangers to be interested. I'd rather just hide in a hole and make things, since that's where I feel most in my element. It's just that nobody finds out about me that way, and people don't buy my stuff not because it's bad, but because they never hear about it.

I did try to 'just make a few smaller games', and that resulted in Sindrel Song... which took six months! The release process is so drawn-out and awful though that I'd hate to go through that regularly, plus all my 'quick' ideas seem to end up bloated. MARDEK was saved in a folder called 'QuickQuests' since it was meant to be a short and sweet side thing, ha! I think at this point I'd rather just stick with one big project and build up momentum with it since that's where I naturally seem to end up anyway.

It seems I do have an advantage over fresh, unknown creators due to MARDEK's past success, and when I do post on Reddit, I'll be going with that angle. I suppose what I fear the most is just being ignored, finding out that outside this little bubble, nobody's really heard of it or cares about it. Getting no replies at all, or a half-hearted 'looks cool' or something. It'd feel like my biggest ray of hope had gone dark.

That's what spurred this post actually (though it's not like it's the first one like this); I thought the wishlist stats for MARDEK would be way bigger, so it's been quite humbling knowing that it - and by extension, I - might not be as big a deal as some people have made it seem.
4
mount201046~4Y
Perhaps the question is really "what else is there to do?" Time is still going to move on, bills will have to be paid... I think, honestly, Tobias, outside of this fanbase you're just "one of the many game developers"; I feel like that should be *comforting*, really. That fact means *nobody* is expecting anything from you.

You won't be judged for wanting some time off, or lying in bed all day - after all, humans *do* tend towards laziness, and it's okay to be "sinful" and stop work at times. After all, we wouldn't have designated two days every week for rest if we were all work and no rest! I think all of us players of your games wouldn't mind, either; after all, we're humans who don't have an infinite power source too. Perhaps, if it might help, you could go back onto the videos you submitted to Youtube and read the comments; people don't hate you for taking a long time. After all, we've been waiting for a literal decade for the completion of this story; it's fine to have to wait a bit more! I'm sure people will understand.

About promotion: maybe that's where you have to, unfortunately, seek the advice of others who have more experience in it; after all, I expect you did also learn how to develop games from others, even if impersonally through a monitor! And you *do* have the ability to seek help from others; this post is the proof! It's only a short way off from blog posts to writing an email to someone to ask for their advice; don't worry about annoying them - try to think of them as "other you"s, except in a different location.
3
Tobias 1104~4Y
Did I make it sound like I'm worried about people thinking less of me for not being productive all day every day? Because that's not what I'm concerned about, and I'm definitely grateful for the people who are understanding (it's a nice change from the people back in the Fig Hunter days who were more pushy).

I actually did read all the YouTube comments, and was motivated by them! I replied to a few too. It's been a while since my days of avoiding comments since it's mostly positive these days. I read everything I get on Twitter or in emails too (though sometimes it takes forever to respond).

The problem is with specifics, though. Sure, I could reach out to someone, but who? People have suggested I reach out to streamers/youtubers, but again, who, specifically? What are their names? Where do I post? Reddit? Where on Reddit? (Some people have suggested some specific subreddits though, which is really useful.)

I suppose it's something like:
"I really want an Abra!"
"You should go out and catch one then!"
"But where can I find them?"
"They live in grass."

(I've been watching a lot of random Pokemon videos recently...)

Interestingly, when I learned my skills, I was more proactive and searched for answers myself. People would approach me asking where they could start if they wanted to learn programming, and I always thought "why not just google it yourself?"... but I'm doing the exact same thing myself here. I suppose it's harder to push through that, and easier to hope someone else will just do it for us, when it's something we really don't enjoy... Or maybe that's just me.
3
mount201046~4Y
Hmm, that's an interesting question - who to ask about marketing? I suppose I can't help you there, but I sort of remember that you had previously reached out to Epic Battle Fantasy developer Matt Roszak? You had your question about porting Flash games to Steam answered, at least, it seems - so it might be worthwhile to ask him about marketing, as well - it's not completely unfamiliar, which is something myself (as a fellow anxious person) appreciates a lot. And Matt released Epic Battle Fantasy 5, which is also a continuation/re-imagination of a Flash game - he probably has some idea how to do it.
2
Tobias 1104~4Y
Annoyingly, I took a while composing an email to Matt Roszak generally introducing myself, but it was one of the ones that got eaten when I was having email issues, so he probably never got it! I could try again and ask him about his experiences, though I suspect that he gathered an audience in the same way that I did back in the day, and has just maintained that because he's stuck with it while I dropped off the radar for years. So his situation isn't quite the same as mine. Still, anything could help, right?

There's also another Flash developer who came up in comments a while back... The Sinister Design guy? I can't remember his name. I know he did a Kickstarter and it did... okay, I suppose? But he wrote a post about how it didn't really bring in as much money as he'd calculated the game cost to make. Or something; maybe I'm misremembering the details, it was a while ago. I could try reaching out to him too... if I can even remember who he is!
3
vladandrei199647~4Y
A lot of us have been asking this question (that is in the title). We come across something that we enjoy doing and it gives us meaning, then we realise we also need to make money, then we ask ourselves if it's worth it. You clearly have a gift for this, and it would be a shame to give it up, but it would also be a shame to do something that's harming you (both economically and psihically).

I know the feeling on looking back on your past work and feeling shame because you always see more flaws than the others. You've got to take what people loved from your past work and what you hate from it and make something new (and I think that's what Divine Dreams is gonna be).

The thing about MARDEK (among other early games of yours) was that the game's sum was better than it's flaws. When a game is good and enjoyable from so many perspectives, the flaws don't matter that hard. MARDEK had a story that didn't take itself too seriously but you could still dig in for more if you were interested (via dreamstones, books, descriptions, dialogue), a solid gameplay that required you to build up a competent team and react accordingly and an art direction that made it stand out from the crowd.

Personally, I think that a big step for your progression would be to beat this anxiety and think about forming/joining a small developer team. There's just so much that you can do alone, but your creativity and skills could be limited by the fact that by the end of the day, you're just a man that still needs to sleep and eat, you're no Yalort. Take this as a friendly advice, game developing can be very stressing and exhausting, and I think you could do better as part of a team.

Talking about the sales, don't make expectations because that will ruin your effort. Every small step is still a step, I'm sure something good will come from this, even if not in the form of direct monetary rewards.
4
purplerabbits146~4Y
For me, I see that with the money made from a game seems be be how some Youtube creators seem to be strughling when all they can talk about money. It like they only find value in the money, essentially only caring about the numbers, like the number of subscribers or views per video defines their value.

With Steam, there's an algorithm behind it and those 300+ people may or may not buy it at once, and as the algorithm figures out what other games are similar to MARDEK and that lead to the game getting recomended. There's also the thing in steam where you get the notification from friends on what games they are playing. Seeing how many hours MARDEK can be that's a lot of advertisment numbers.

To me it seems like you see the 300+ as the highest it will go, which really isn't. The dedicated fans will buy pretty soon after release, while word of mouth spreads the game amongst their friends.

I remember reading that you prefer a small group of dedicated followers over having a larger fanbase of rabid trolls. The dedicated audience that you want is very slow growing. While, the focus on the numbers makes it seem like the quantity is more important than quality of fan. Although I do realize that you do value the fans that are still here. And its just sad that there's not enough of us to keep you afloat for the long term.

Which then comes back to the marketing. I am also an introvert so I feel you on that one. I guess one way to look for youtubers to look out for would be to start watching YouTube gamers. There's several different types, the completionists, casual gamers, minecraft gamers, horror gamers, ect. So recomendations by us may not be the right fit for you, because we have a variety of tastes and what we like can be very specific or very broad. For example, I like the content from RTGames and ManlyBadassHero, both are gamers, but both play games differently and play very different games. RT plays games that you can go around being an ass to for comedy sake, games like City skylines, and Mario Kart. While, Manly plays a mix of rpg maker horror and anime games through to completion and shows every single ending possible.

Hmmm maybe you can email Matthew Patrick, or MatPat the guy that runs the Game Theorist channel. He does web analytics and helps other youtubers with working the algorithm and has an interest in working with numbers to make things work. And his other job is as a data analysist and a consultant. His youtube personality is a bit different from his irl personality. Apparently he's a sweet heart irl and wants to help people achieve their highest potential.

Or you can discover on your own youtubers that you like, Heck maybe even non gamers may be able to bring interesting discussions to comment on a game like MARDEK. For example The Right Opinion did a piece on the Yandere Simulator drama. His channel is a commentary channel and did a really deep in depth look at how things go down and provides his opinions.

So you don't need to limit yourself to just gamers, maybe a look at the stuff you do like can be a jumping off point for people to reach out to.
3
Ampersand68~4Y
I'd say 344 wishlists is pretty impressive given that people would have to actively search this out to know about it...

As for ways to boost sales, Steam trading cards and achievements do attract some people who otherwise wouldn't buy a game, simply for the sake of completionism. Though you said before that adding achievements would be a pain, so maybe you would be best off trying to raise awareness through advertisements.

One method that could be relatively stress-free would be to post giveaways on SteamGifts. Developer mass-giveaways usually attract thousands of participants, which of course translates into many potential wishlists and purchases. Though I don't know how you'd feel about giving away 50 copies of the game away for free*, it definitely is an easy route towards exposure (and compared to all the other trash featured there, should garner some positive attention for actually being a decent game).

*on one hand, it's "losing" 500 dollars in potential sales, but on the other hand, the winners likely would not have bought the game had it not been posted on the website as a giveaway
3
astralwolf91~4Y
If you adore the amount of money people on minimum wage seem to be making why don't you give it a try?
0
Tobias 1104~4Y
I don't 'adore' it, it's just the minimum amount someone would make from a 'normal' job where they were being paid by someone else.
0
MF11~4Y
I'm afraid that not marketing MARDEK might be a big mistake, people won't be able buy the game if they don't even know about it, and knowing it before launch is so important that Steam uses that "wishlist number" as the main factor in predicting the "success" of a game, like a indie dev says in this video ([LINK] that I just happened to come by yesterday (it also has some interesting marketing tips).

As much as it is a pain, marketing MARDEK should at the very least provide some experience for when you release Divine Dreams, which could be very useful (maybe even crucial) for a project you're so engaged with.

Anyway, wish you all the best, Tobias.
2
Tobias 1104~4Y
That's a very useful and interesting video!

I've seen games that look pretty much identical to that before which didn't do nearly as well, so it really is all about marketing... That guy seems comfortable and competent enough to film himself speaking to a camera and posting excessively to various social media platforms; this is something I've never done, and which I certainly need to get better at. I always assumed people wouldn't appreciate me spamming gifs, but maybe it's crucial.

I think MARDEK's a missed opportunity; he talked about marketing for a year, and I definitely can't do that with MARDEK now. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that for MARDEK anyway since it's a port of a 10-year-old game.

However, I'll definitely be keeping this in mind regarding Divine Dreams, and I should start promoting that sooner rather than later. I feel it won't have the same easy appeal that fox game did, but like he said in the video, being reminded of games people already love is a big factor, and I think Divine Dreams is similar enough to familiar RPGs to have that going for it.

This is the sort of stuff I should have been looking at months ago, but mental illness has got in the way. I better get started soon though!
1
xXDivineDreamerXx12~4Y
I'm not sure if this is too personal to ask... You don't have to answer if it is, but do you "need" to make money from games right now? What if you just spent the next few years or so making really cool games (like Divine Dreams)? and didn't worry about making more money for the time being

Maybe one day of your games will sell enough so that you can live off of making games, but maybe for now it would be possible to not worry about the money too much and just make all the games that you want to? As a thought experiment, let's say that you decide that you can't keep doing this right now. What would you do instead? Is the alternative to solo game development something that would significantly change your financial status ≈5 years from now? Maybe for you, you would like to continue doing what you are currently doing compared to all the alternatives you can think of?

Perhaps you could also get some sort of part-time job, like freelance website development? or being an online tutor for psychology classes? if you really need more $$$ and you can still spend the majority of your time making games
2
Tobias 1104~4Y
I'm currently 32 years old and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to move out. They're in their sixties now, and if they were to drop dead for whatever reason tomorrow, I have no security and don't know what I'd do. I don't even have any friends to move in with or anything. I'd probably just start seriously thinking about suicide again, knowing me.

Technically my parents are allowing me to live here rent-free at the moment, so I'm lucky in that regard (even if it makes me feel like a loser). But I've got no security, and this isn't an ideal situation at all.

I've thought about doing something on the side, freelance work maybe, but the thought is horrifying to me, plus I just simply don't have the time. I spend all the energy I have working on games, and it still takes forever to finish anything. If I divided my time even further, I can't imagine I'd have the energy left to finish things.
1
xXDivineDreamerXx12~4Y
What are you afraid of for freelance work? I think you could make websites for people relatively quickly, and you don't have to interact with people in person. You can also decide to not accept any jobs if you really don't feel like doing freelance stuff? Besides making websites, I think you could also do film/video editing or compose music for people potentially? I also think tutoring would not be a bad idea, maybe even tutoring English for people learning English as a second language, unless that would be too much social interaction.

If you really do need to get a job--say tomorrow, I think there would still be multiple good options for you!
-library monitor
-data entry
-online customer service
-test proctor/administrator
...
I think you could get much higher paying jobs because of your psychology degree, creativity, and game design skills but any of the jobs mentioned above--I think--would have minimal social contact and maybe you could do them part-time and still have plenty of time and energy for making your own games?

Knowing your struggles with self-perception, you probably cringed when I mentioned those "minimum wage" jobs. I hope I didn't make you cringe too much lol. I am just wondering if those are things you could do for say ≈1 hr a day or 1-2 full days out of a week and you can make some extra cash on the side. Also keep in mind that these are options if you don't want to try freelance work.
2
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