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Weekly Update - Atonal Dreams Alpha 2 is Ongoing! (& Future Fears)

2 years ago746 words

The second alpha test of Atonal Dreams is currently ongoing! So that's something!

I've been recruiting from ∞ my Patreon ∞, since I have 82 patrons on there, and it seems fair that they get first access as thanks for their support (though the majority support in silence and haven't expressed interest in taking part in the testing, which I find somewhat strange even though I'd probably do exactly the same myself!).

I'm still interested in more testers, so if you're supporting me over there, you haven't missed your chance or anything if you're willing to help out. Since this isn't meant to be some graded work or anything, and games are meant to be fun, it's all fairly casual; I'm expecting feedback to come in gradually over the next couple of weeks at least.

I haven't actually checked the feedback that has come in yet; I'll do that on Monday ('mental health reasons' are my excuse, shockingly; they're also why this is post is later than I'd like).

For the next stages, I'll need to make adjustments based on feedback, maybe. Then, I'll need to make a bunch of promotional images and videos and stuff that I can make into an info page on this site, and - more importantly - which I can include on the Steam page, so I can start linking to it and properly start trying to generate wishlists for the game.

One of those places should probably be Reddit, though I'm unsure where exactly would be best. There are indie dev subreddits I've already joined, so that could be a start. Plus I know there's one called r/playmygame, where I could maybe get feedback from outside testers once I have a demo ready in (hopefully!!) a few weeks, though I'd feel bad going in and expecting people to pay attention to my thing while ignoring all theirs. It might be a good idea in a lot of ways to play other devs' demos on there. I'd be able to gauge where my game stands in comparison to others, and I might even make connections (about which I have conflicting feelings).



A bit about the mental health stuff, since I know you're all dying to hear about it: it's nothing to do with feedback; I'm very open to that, whether positive or constructively critical! I've just been weighed down by the same stuff I've already written about, I suppose... This feeling like I'm in the middle of some transition period, and the weight of the realisation that this game dev thing probably won't work out - and the push to try to make it work will require more social engagement than I've had in years - has kept me awake for hours each night and made it hard to focus on anything. I spent most of today in bed, depressed.

I have at the very least made a tiny, tiny step towards actually doing something about it: I registered at a local doctor that I'll be able to easily get to on foot. (Or wait, did I already mention this? I forget.) I still need to actually make an appointment though, which I'm not looking forward to since it'll require a phone call. I wish I could just do it through an app! There does seem to be an app, but I was told I'll need to ring the first time because I recently switched over to them. Ugh.

I'll talk to them about getting mental health help, which I sorely need. But beyond that, I don't know. I doubt I can make a living from doing this solo games dev stuff for the rest of my life. I tried getting into games dev professionally a few years back, but realised it wasn't for me and that I preferred psychology. Then when I studied that, I found out I had a brain tumour. While I do have a psychology bachelor's now, I can't really see myself doing that either; the creative urge seems too strong, and I've poured a lot of my life into refining skills in that domain which it seems foolish not to monetise...

I really need to figure out what to do with my life, what I even can do...

But one step at a time. For now, I just need to focus on Atonal Dreams, and seeing a doctor. Worrying about the enormity of the journey ahead won't do any good.