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Weekly Update - Alpha Testing Phase 3, Week 1 - Quiet

2 years ago1,173 words

I announced the start of the third alpha test of Atonal Dreams on Monday... but so far only one person has provided feedback. It's discouraging, but I blame myself!

I think a couple of people have also mentioned feedback on Discord, briefly, but only one person has written something in the Steam forum thing I set up specifically for gathering feedback. Unless I've missed something!

So ehhh. I've done a bunch of beta/alpha tests over the years - with my Flash games originally, then with Memody: Sindrel Song and now Atonal Dreams - and I think this might be the quietest one so far?

But I genuinely can't remember! My memory's been so terrible lately (I've been meaning to write a post about that in more detail, but... I want to say "I keep forgetting" because that's (ostensibly) funny, but it's more like a lack of motivation and mental energy as I've written about before). Maybe they always go like this! The tests!

I do blame myself though, in the sense that I don't feel that I really pushed as hard as I perhaps should have to even raise awareness, etc. I've just felt very... distracted, apathetic, something like that, this time around.

(Though it being the third go around probably inspired such feelings - or a lack of any feelings - in others, very different to the singular betas I've probably done for all my previous projects... though again I can't remember!)

And beginning the testing on a Monday wasn't exactly the wisest thing in the world. I did that because that's when my work week starts, but I should have been more considerate of others' work schedules and started on a Saturday. Oh well; I will in future, if I even do any more tests ever again.

And I'm hoping that I'm at the point with Atonal Dreams that I won't have to do another, and that the next step will be a public demo instead... but we'll see.



I should also post on Reddit or something. I'm not nearly as anxious about the idea as I was a year or two ago, but I feel like I should play others' games, comment on their projects, before presenting mine... and I've yet to find the time or mental energy; the same issue as always. Feels like there just isn't enough time in each day!

I intended to spend this week continuing to fix remaining Atonal Dreams things - half the stuff on my To Do List is still unfinished - but instead ended up 'waiting for feedback' and doing other stuff, like composing some music.

I've only composed 18 things this year, which isn't as many as I'd like! Compared to how I composed in the past, these days I'm much more... careful? Precious? Something like that? I used to just start a piece, finish in under an hour, and call it done and never edit it after that. Now, I spend several days just tweaking details endlessly even for simple pieces I won't use for anything, which I feel leads to better results, but obviously consumes more time.

I still haven't got around to posting any music on YouTube though! I actually have got the first video file ready and everything, but...

I don't know. I used to feel so excited about posting stuff online, so eager to get feedback, build a community... These days I just want to hide away from everything, and the thought of the steps ahead for Atonal Dreams - where I'll have to do the exact opposite - weighs down on me if I give it any mental space at all.

I just keep distracting myself, mentally disengaging, avoiding.

I'm hoping it's just the sort of thing where, once I get started, it'll be easy to keep the ball rolling... It's just making the first step that's the hardest, as is often the case.



I recently saw ∞ this long post-mortem ∞ about an indie game by a solo developer that I've not played - though maybe I should - but which I've been at least vaguely following the development of since I decided a few months (years??) ago that "I should engage more with other indie devs!!" and added a bunch of them all at once on Twitter.

(Though the only time I so much as open Twitter is to post a single tweet each time I write one of these blog posts, so I've not seen most of what any of them have shared).

I like reading about the human experience behind the creation of things. Something that stood out to me was how he said the game became his entire life in a way that wouldn't make sense to other people who've not devoted themselves so wholly to a project. Makes perfect sense and is deeply relatable to me. Sad as it is, Atonal Dreams pretty much is my life at the moment.

Which is why my feelings are so easily swayed by the turnout of things like alpha tests, and why I'm so reluctant to promote it in case it's found profoundly wanting. I am really proud of it, and I love it! But I know that's not enough. Or at least I need to pay the bills somehow, someday, I suppose.

He also mentioned it was his first game, which he quit a job he hated to wholly focus on. I get the feeling a lot of indie devs - the majority? - are working on their first game. Maybe because most are sane enough to either use it as a stepping stone to a career, if they were sufficiently successful, or, for probably the majority, they learn it's a waste of time and go on to do something else.

I mean, that's what I already did, years ago, but fell back into this rather reluctantly... as I've written about many times before.

Makes me wonder though whether posting "I'M THE GUY WOH MADE MAREKD PRGP!!" or whatever would be met with "ooh!"s or just... nothing, no recognition. I suppose I'll find out soon.

He also mentions befriending and having regular talks with other indie devs kept him sane through the process. I should keep that in mind.



But anyway. I'll keep waiting over the weekend to see if any more feedback comes in, then starting Monday I'll work on fixing some more stuff.

After that, I'll work on setting up some promotional stuff - images, videos, etc - and post on Reddit; maybe the response I get will help lift my mood and motivate me to get out there or something. I can but hope!

For now, I've been really enjoying focusing on other stuff for a while. Maybe I'm more burned out than I thought!


Oh, and I have another routine brain scan next week to see if the cancer's back. So maybe that's eating away at me too, subconsciously. Ugh.