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Weekly Update

2 years ago638 words

I did very little this week - other than compile a list of tasks based on feedback from testers of the third alpha run of Atonal Dreams - because I had another MRI scan to check if my brain cancer has returned!

And has it returned? I don't know! Apparently it'll be three weeks until I find out, which is frustrating since I used to get the results minutes after the scans. I miss my old oncology doctor! Who unfortunately retired and was replaced with one who'd rather wait weeks apparently. Though I suppose COVID guidelines changed stuff too... I don't know.

Anyway, that happened on Thursday, and I was quite anxious before it. I hate how I can go months putting the whole brain cancer thing out of my mind, but then these regular check-ups come up and all the thoughts come pouring back in...

They're only every six months now - I think they were like every month or every two months before?? - so that's good, probably, but still. The fact that they're still doing them means there's a chance that the cancer could come back, in which case my life (as I know it) will most likely be over, so it's hard not to worry about that. Wouldn't you??

Though I suppose I wasn't as anxious during the scan or the human interactions with the technicians surrounding it this time; if anything I'd say they all went rather well. The anxiety was mostly anticipation in the days - and especially the morning - before it, and it was quite disruptive to my ability to focus on much of anything.

I'd been waiting for, reading, and replying to tester feedback anyway, so my mind's not been in the usual daily work state for the past couple of weeks.

Some people have at least replied with feedback now! And thankfully it seems that everything's mostly in order; while I did compile a fairly substantial list of changes I should make based on what people reported, it's mostly little or non-crucial stuff rather than drastic revisions to the fundamental mechanics as has been the case in the past (and which was the whole reason I've run three separate alphas and dragged the project out so long).

So next I'll need to do what I've been saying for a while, and compile some marketing images and then start posting about the game somewhere in preparation for a Kickstarter, which I should also research how to do (again; I did a couple of years ago, but I've forgotten what I learned and things might have changed anyway).

Now that the whole cancer scan thing is behind me again, for now, I should hopefully be able to focus on that...

Or maybe I'll try and devote at least next week to fixing/adding some of the things testers reported, or which were left on my list anyway. Eh. I don't know.

I still feel burned out, to be honest. And I keep wondering whether that's the best state to be approaching marketing stuff in. Probably not. But would I ever be in a mental state which would be ideal? Also probably not. And it's not as if most people have the luxury of just postponing things until they're in the right state of mind.

I've also been thinking more seriously recently about getting counselling again, the same as I had in the past, about which I have mixed feelings... but it'd at least get me out of the house regularly and could lead to some other stuff. So I might look into that next week. WE SHALL SEE.

(I suppose this is more of a personal post than a dev one, but I'll group it under the dev ones anyway since what I've talked about is directly relevant to that.)