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Outings, CBC Port, Feedback Frustrations

2 years ago1,376 words

I'll be going out into the Real World to see people twice this week! Also CBC port, and UFO-related blog post reaction frustrations.

First, regarding stuff that for me counts as 'work', I spent a day or so last week converting the Windows Forms code I'd written for the AFC port (which was itself based on something I wrote for the MARDEK port years ago) for a CBC port, and I got CBC working with Animate, so now I have something I could technically upload to Steam.




Like with the AFC and MARDEK ports, the point of the Windows Forms wrapper is to show the game centred and surrounded by black, at fixed resolutions that don't stretch pixels. The CBC wrapper offers the base resolution and a double resolution, which is almost fullscreen on a 1920x1080 display. Feels almost like an entirely different experience playing it in this more formally presented way!

I still need to sort out a way to manage cloud saves, though I seem to have got something working for the MARDEK port where basically the wrapper runs a check at timed intervals (5 minutes?) and copies over any relevant save files in the cookies directory into a more stable one that Steam stores in its cloud... or something. I'll need to refamiliarise myself with what exactly is going on there.

And I'll need to figure out a way to handle achievements too, which I can maybe actually do this time, unlike with the MARDEK port, since CBC is in AS3.

I should also replay the thing all the way through to make sure everything works.

Hopefully I'll be able to make progress with that - and mention it on Reddit - this week, but...



I have to go out of my cave TWO WHOLE TIMES this week, which is unusual.


Today (Monday), I'll be meeting up with one of my two remaining uni friends, who I get calls from every few weeks or so (though moreso recently), but who I haven't actually physically met up with in... what, almost two years now? It's been ages, anyway.

I'm at least mildly anxious about it, less so because of the meeting itself, and more because I'll have to get a bus, something I used to do without issue fairly regularly in the past, but it's been a while and I embarrassed myself a couple of previous times (dropped change on the floor one time, unintentionally paid with recently-phased-out banknotes another and the driver had to come to the top floor of the double-decker bus to tell me my money wasn't accepted), so... pfff.

Apparently I can pay either with an app or with a contactless card, but since I've never done that before, the social anxiety demons are constantly whispering about all the ways I could mess it up and make a complete fool of myself.

Basic things that 'normal people' that don't even think twice about, but for me with my issues become these tall hurdles I have to psyche myself up for.


Also, I saw the Occupational Therapist again last week. It was less frustrating than the first time, maybe, though I can't say that anything especially worthwhile came of it. And it'll be five weeks before our next appointment. I was hoping for something more regular, like weekly counselling sessions.

She did however put me in touch with some woman whose job it apparently is to help get people involved in 'the community'. Sounds like she'll just be suggesting some local groups and clubs I can try, because that's worked so wonderfully well in the past. I'll be curious to see whether she knows of anything that I couldn't have found myself, but even failing that at least I'll be getting out and interacting with some stranger, which is a big step out of the usual complete isolation.

(Though I wonder what kinds of dregs she's used to working with, and it's embarrassing that I'm included among them... Less-broken people don't need this kind of help.)

It sounds like it'll be a fairly informal meeting, and she suggested meeting up at a place in a nearby town. I've been to the town many times before, but never the specific place, so I suggested meeting up with my friend in that town so I can check out that place with her first so then I won't have to face too many scary, unfamiliar things at once when I meet this other person.

So many anxiety-managing behaviours like this that I wouldn't have to bother with if not for this poorly-tuned fire alarm in my brain, which goes off at the slightest hint of warmth...

But oh well. At least I'm doing things.

Means I'll probably only be able to focus on game dev stuff for three days of the week though.



Posts on this blog used to get around 1000 views - maybe more - though that's been steadily decreasing as the months pass by without significant output from me beyond this website. Recently posts have been getting about 300 views, if that.

∞ A post I wrote a few days ago about UFOs ∞ got an above average amount of views (1138 as I write this) and comments. I'm wondering if someone linked to it somewhere.

The whole damn thing just reminded me of Fig Hunter all over again, and how strong of a desire I have to not have that in my life at all. Everything turning into a damn debate. Putting logic and objectivity above all else and smugly scoffing at alternatives. Literal trolls.

I've thought a lot over the past few months and years about forming a new community somehow... I do miss some aspects of it, and I know being so distant on disengaged isn't doing me any good mentally. But I've just become too bitter from too many bad experiences and have no patience left for dealing with disagreeable strangers.

But is it possible to do the games dev thing while avoiding that? One of many things I've been wondering about a lot recently.

Something I'd love is a community where I could talk passionately about something and be met with similar passion, effectively increasing the enjoyment around it, before the prolonged moment runs its course and we can all walk away smiling. But do any online communities work that way? The vast majority of Reddit certainly doesn't.

I'd think real-world friendship groups might work that way, though my own experiences with those have been limited. The groups of nerdy guys I knew in school were probably very much like Fig Hunter, arguing about things constantly. The one-on-one relationships I've had with women since then have been mostly about shared venting, compassion, understanding. I greatly, greatly prefer the latter, personally.

But... I don't know. Maybe it's a terrible idea to vent about this here where I'm probably offending people for not gulping down their bile with a smile, and I'm likely to be attacked for it. I'll also probably vent about this to my friend, and it'll be interesting to compare the responses.



Oh, and nothing came of the UFOs thing after all; last I heard, the US had given up even searching for debris of the three 'objects' they shot down. I've seen a handful of 'hot takes' - that's how the kids talk, right?? - about how the whole thing was a distraction tactic to divert attention from the catastrophic chemical spill, or to inspire greater funding in the military, or whatever.

My reaction to that would have been to roll my eyes and say (out loud to the neglected exercise bike in the corner of my tiny room) "OH WELL!" before forgetting about it with pretty much no distress, though the reaction to that blog post colours it more with frustration that it otherwise would have been. Bleh.

...I probably should just stop writing about stuff like this altogether. Why do I write so openly about my life and feelings online, anyway? It doesn't seem to be what most people do.