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Motivation Issues, Still; Confidence Mechanic

1 year ago1,295 words

I'm not the only indie dev who struggles to find the motivation to work. Also, some minor mechanical additions to... whatever this side project thing I've been working on is even called!

Even finding the motivation to write this post has been difficult. Ugh.

I meant to spend this week doing something with my old games, CBC in particular... but didn't. I suppose it's because it requires a big mental shift to focus on something different to what I was last focused on, something like that? And I wasn't able to muster up the motivation to make that shift.

So instead I just carried on with what I was doing last week, which is working on this Belief Battles/Frayth/whatever thing. Though I didn't continue working on exactly the same thing as last week, which was character archetypes. Instead I did some remaining mechanics related things (that I actually forgot I hadn't done when I wrote last week that I was as far along with this project as I am with Atonal Dreams):



One is something called Cheer skills, which I've been meaning to implement for ages. At the start of a character's turn, any benched characters - 'the crowd' - from either side has a chance to use one of the cheer skills in their arsenal (if they have any equipped at all; they're equipped in the same slots as active skills). There's one for each of the six elements, each with a different effect. The Discord one, Boo!, lowers the current acting character's Confidence a bit, while the Harmony one, Encourage, increases it a bit. Obviously opponents Boo! while allies Encourage!

Confidence is another mechanic I added. Unlike the excitement/arousal/whatever thing - represented by the heart in the centre - which is double-edged in that it boosts both outgoing and incoming 'damage' (in addition to determining turn order), Confidence is a straightforward 'the higher, the better' sort of thing as higher confidence increases outgoing 'damage' (or 'influence', as it's called in this) and reduces incoming damage. It can be either positive or negative; perhaps negative values might introduce a chance to miss turns while higher values allow for 'critical hits', but I'm not sure yet.



Equipment now alters stats; that's another thing I did this week. Seems like the sort of thing that obviously should have been the case before, as soon as being able to equip things at all was working, but all the different things do need to be coded separately!



So that's not terrible progress, all things considered, but it's still frustratingly less than I could potentially have done.

One big reason is that I feel like I'm still stuck in this waiting period as I've yet to hear back regarding therapy. I should probably reach out to some other service so I'm on two waiting lists at once... but I keep putting that off in case I hear back from the other service 'today', which doesn't happen, and... bleh.

Interestingly, though, I saw this r/gamedev post earlier in the week titled ∞ "How do you stay sane and productive while working alone from home?" ∞, which got a lot of attention (currently over 300 upvotes and over 130 comments), suggesting it's a common issue for a lot of people.

(I also saw some similar threads throughout the week, perhaps prompted by this one, though this is the only one I saved the link of.)

The three points the post focuses on are (I'll copy and paste directly):



I've written blog posts about the second and third a few times over the years, I think, as I've struggled with them a lot for years, though I haven't had any experience working with other people, so I can only imagine how it must feel to be inspired and motivated by colleagues.

I'd also add a fourth, which is... Well, earlier in the week my friend called me to complain about how she had to work an 8-hour shift, but the cost to get to the location was half of what she'd be earning from those hours, which severely impacted her motivation to do the work. I thought "imagine if you didn't get paid for any of the several hours of work you did each day!"

How much would you be motivated to work if you weren't being paid for it??

Thankfully the satisfaction of creation is at least somewhat of a motivator, but obviously it doesn't make up for the lack of a financial incentive. I'm extremely grateful for what I get from Patreon - I wouldn't be motivated at all if not for that, most likely - but I know it falls short of even minimum wage jobs, which unfortunately does compound motivation issues.

Though personally I'm afraid of one day doing well, too, in case that just makes me a target for malicious people. Past experiences have left me paranoid.

I read at least some of the replies to that thread, but maybe I should go back and see if there's anything useful I can glean from them... when I find the motivation. Bleh.

Something I did try earlier in the week - before seeing that post - was yet another planning/timetabling idea, where I assigned myself tasks for specific times/days in advance rather than deciding what to do each day, which has been a particular challenge lately as I've felt so lost and unfocused. I suppose it helped a little bit, but wasn't exactly some magical solution. Maybe I should try it again next week, too.

Seems pointless at this point to write here about anything I hope to achieve next week, so I'll just say that some progress on something is better than no progress on anything, so I'll aim for just that! And hope that I finally hear back regarding counselling. I dread to think how people who need it even more than I do cope with these long, long waits.

(Also, I spent half of my time this week playing Tears of the Kingdom, which is a big change from the maybe hour or less a day that I usually spend playing games. So easy to get lost in for hours without really achieving anything, though. Eh. Maybe it's subtly, subconsciously inspiring me or recharging motivation or something though?)