I've now composed five (and a bit) pieces of music for this tin whistle I got less than a week ago! I also find it a shame how 'music' for most people is mostly about stuff beyond the actual arrangement of notes...
I find it interesting how we typically respond to music creation, as a culture, or species, or whatever. On the one hand, most people seem to claim to 'love music', but what they typically mean by that is that they enjoy the sociocultural factors surrounding their preferred musicians or genres (as opposed to, say, the inclusion of a bVI13 chord to reharmonise the main motif's reappearance in the recapitulation section). Are the musicians hot, or cool, such that posters of them could adorn their bedroom walls? Do the lyrics resonate with their experience? Did they first encounter the music at a key time in their life, such that listening back to it evokes certain memories? Would liking this music - and maybe dressing in a way that signals that interest - make them cool, or different, or cultured, or an accepted member of some social group?
So professional music 'artists' (who often don't actually compose the music they perform anyway) are some of the richest and most admired people around, but if some random redditor linked to an instrumental album they'd poured their heart and soul into for the last year or so, do you think people would be just as eager to give it a listen?
(I know based on posts I've seen - and personal experience - that they wouldn't.)
Some of the most technically skilled composers I've ever heard compose for games, films, or stock music for the background of YouTube videos, but does it even register as 'music' to most people if there's no charismatic performer involved? I doubt that they'd listen to it on its own for fun. And most YouTubers don't mention which music they've included in their videos (though I always wish they would). Even those music-recognition services (eg Shazam) seem to mostly work for popular, lyrical music, in my experience.
I don't mean to sound elitist (ha), as if how I perceive things is better in some way. It's not even all that different, for the most part; I like music that brings back memories, just like anyone, and while I can appreciate the merits of pieces I can't connect to any experience, it's unusual that I'd listen to them as often. I suppose I just feel it's a shame that other people don't take the time to appreciate the technical intricacies like I do. Just like how I don't take the time to appreciate the intricacies of computer hardware, while at least some people reading this do. Different minds and preferences, not necessarily ranked.
(And being different to others seems to be at the core of my mental issues; this is one example of seeing evidence in support of that.)
[Addition while reviewing this before posting: I think mostly it just bothers me because celebrity musicians earn tons of money while I've never really earned anything from my music, which feels 'unfair' and evokes grumbling. Ranting about it - and trying to figure out something like an explanation for it - is a way of self-comforting, not making assumptions or accusations about people reading this; sorry if that's the message that came across. I recently saw some post on Reddit though where someone said composers typically charge $1000 per minute of music. I've often thought about trying to compose professionally, hmm... But then my mental issues get in the way again because I assume all my competitors would have been more immersed in the world of music than I ever have (joining bands at school, etc), and... pfffff, anyway!!]
I think I've written about all this here before because it frustrates me often. But it's been on my mind these past fews days as I've fiddled around on - and composed for - this tin whistle I got last Wednesday.
I included a composition in last Friday's post, which I intended to learn and perform for my friend when I meet up with her tomorrow, but it was trickier to play than I'd like, and it was too long at almost a minute.
See, I expect that were I to perform for her - or anyone - the reaction wouldn't be one of eager enthrallment or anything. The listener would likely be counting the seconds until it's over, so the shorter, the better. And I'm neurotic and agreeable, meaning I'd pick up on that impatient lack of interest and just give up half way through so as not to bother them any further.
Or maybe that's just negative bias from mental illness? A learned feeling of worthlessness due to a lack of parental interest for my creative pursuits? Probably. I'd never claim to see the world as it actually is. I know I don't. None of us do.
I keep having the desire to post this piece of music - which I composed a few months ago - in one or more of the mental health communities on Reddit:
I'm really proud of it, and I think it could potentially resonate with other people... plus I suppose I want it to be appreciated by others, not just me, so then it feels more worthwhile, or something. Or so then I feel more worthwhile. And if I were to try to find similarly-afflicted strangers who could potentially become friends, maybe it'd be some reason for me to be worth knowing? Something like that. (Those aren't the reasons I originally composed it, but thoughts that have come up in the months since then as I've tried to engage more with those communities.)
I haven't yet posted it though because I doubt anyone would even listen to it. And if they did, I assume they'd not understand the format (because music notation seems to be far less widely familiar than I'd assume), or how to read the 'lyrics'.
(Or if I were to post it on Reddit, it wouldn't surprise me if I ended up with messages from suicide prevention bots or something even though a big part of the thing is that I'm not suicidal currently.)
I keep wondering whether to do a new version with just written-out lyrics, like this thing from years ago:
Including an early version of Collie's Theme that I've since redone!
But it'd require time and effort and I don't know whether it's worth it.
I haven't shown my friends or parents my music in general because I assume they won't care, or understand, or put the effort in to engage with it... which feels like such a shame because it's such a big part of how I've spent my time in this world.
But anyway. I didn't mean to write about any of that when I started this! I just wanted to post about the pieces of music I've already composed for my new tin whistle. I spent time over the weekend practising it and coming up with them for the joy of it, and I have five now... though they're numbered, and 2 is skipped because it was a failed experiment I didn't finish, so that's probably a bit annoying!
1 - New Whistle
This excitingly-titled thing was my first experiment, with piano accompaniment. I also included helper tab diagrams I saw on beginner pieces I found online, though I moved beyond the need for those after a day or so. Annoyingly, Sibelius - which I compose in and export videos from - has no options for how the videos look, which is why there's all that white space in the middle.
(Number 2 was similar, but I gave up half way through because I decided including a piano accompaniment would mean I wouldn't be able to perform the pieces in their 'true form' while away from any device that could play that in the background.)
3 - Lone Dolphin
This is the one from the previous post, which was an attempt at a melody in Mixolydian mode. The fairly fast run of quavers in the B section and some high notes are currently tricky for me to play, though, so I wasn't confident I could learn to perform it within a handful of days.
4 - Centaur
This is essentially the same thing - an attempt at a short, simple Mixolydian piece - but has the same issues as the previous one (some tricky bits + length). I've included the composition time in the upper left corner on a few recent pieces to remind me that it doesn't take as long as I think it might, so then I might be motivated to push through the reluctance to even start composing that gets in the way sometimes.
5 - Wren
A third attempt at that same idea, and this one feels just right. I can play it well enough, though not fluidly enough just yet. Despite being shorter than the previous one, it took about as long to compose, tweak, and learn to play!
6 - Owl Bones
With this one, I wanted to see if I could conjure up a different mood to the others (which all sounded samey); something darker, slower. I also wanted to experiment with Dorian mode, which I often compose in instead of the natural minor (aka Aeolian mode).
This one's probably my favourite so far, and I've actually recorded myself (using my phone, since I don't have a proper microphone) playing it to demonstrate my current skill level: ∞ here's an mp3 of that (where I am briefly joined by some seagulls), if your ears can bear it ∞. (It's hardly something I'd go on stage and perform, but considering I composed that yesterday and only got this instrument - which I'd never even touched before - last Wednesday, it could be worse!)
I still have a long way to go before I can say I'm any good at playing the tin whistle, but it still surprises me that I'm able to play it like this after less than a week! I remember little about learning the recorder as a child, but I think we (my class) had lessons for months and only worked our way through super-simple three-note pieces or something. I think we worked our way through a booklet of simple tunes, and whenever one introduced a new note it was a big deal.
Though I suppose for me now, a big part of it is understanding music conceptually, rather than just blindly reading written notes and trying to play what I see without knowing what it 'means'. The first notes of Owl Bones here spell out an E minor triad, for example, so I just need to understand/remember that rather than each note in isolation.
Some things I've noticed about the tin whistle from fiddling around for less than a week:
Breathing properly is crucial for playing wind instruments, but it's new to me, so figuring that out has been difficult. I keep running out of breath and getting lightheaded, or interrupting my amazing performances with pauses to breathe in. I know that the comma/apostrophe notation is used to mark 'take a breath here', so I included those in some of those pieces with the intention of breathing there (at the end of the second bar in Owl Bones, for example)... though it doesn't feel right to breathe in at the marked places, my lungs still feel too full, so breathing properly seems to be something I'll need to learn how to do with practice.
The tin whistle has just six holes, and it's easy to produce most notes in the D major scale (D, E, Fsharp, G, A, B, Csharp) by covering or leaving open those holes. Covering all holes gives D, leaving the bottom one open gives E, etc, until leaving them all open gives Csharp (using the symbol for that in these blogs buggers up the formatting!).
Interestingly, though, you can also get the next octave up... by blowing harder! Though of course 'harder' is difficult to define exactly, and you seem to need to blow harder and harder the further up you go (very different to just pressing a key to get a note, as with the piano). So it's technically possible to get all the way to the D two octaves up, but I certainly can't produce that consistently. Getting the D, E, and Fsharp notes of the second octave is about all I can manage, but I find it tricky, which is the main reason Lone Dolphin and Centaur have been difficult for me to play. I tried to avoid using higher notes in the most recent two compositions. I don't like this blowing harder aspect, because I'd prefer to play softly, quietly, but I don't think it's possible to do that and reach the high notes. Being loud and screechy seems to be necessary!
Speaking of which, this silly video's been coming to mind a lot as I've tootled away with this thing:
Maybe that's pretty much what I sound like and I'm delusional for thinking otherwise!!
It's unlikely that I'll achieve much in terms of game dev this week, due to having to go out into the world TWO WHOLE TIMES (wow), which is a big thing for me as a basically-agoraphobic shut-in.
I'm already feeling anxious about having to meet up with my friend tomorrow. Not because of anything to do with the social aspects, but because I'll have to endure a 50-minute bus journey both ways, and I worry I'll have a panic attack or feel ill or my body will fail me in some way and there'll be nobody there to save me.
Hopefully those worries will dissolve once I actually get out - that's what happened when I last met her months ago - but... ugh.
Doesn't help that I've been feeling ill today. And the weather's been terrible; heavy rain, a thunderstorm predicted. Knowing my luck I'll be sniffling and shaking and the weather will be just as bad - or worse - tomorrow, in which case I might have to just postpone it. But then I'd likely have to do the same with the counselling appointment, which I don't want to do, and...
Ugh. I just hope both my body and the weather cooperate tomorrow and Thursday!!
While it's unlikely I'll do games dev work this week, I'd like to at least finish that Final Fantasy VII Remake post, and another about Memody: Sindrel Song. Hopefully I will, because I feel like I can't start playing some other game until I do!
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