Alora Fane

While lying in bed depressed, I had some ideas for creative stuff, and also saw this thing called The Amazing Digital Circus that you may also have seen!

Thankfully the miserable nadir I fell into over the weekend was short-lived. I'm not absolutely better or anything - I'm still very mentally ill - but I'm at least not quite as bad as I was the other day, after having talked about things with some people.

(I don't like being so vague, as I'm usually not, but this time I just can't be bothered going into the weird ways my mind is bothered by things others would be fine with. It's over now, anyway. Probably.)

Have you seen this? It's got 76 million views at the time of writing, several youtubers I follow have made videos about it, and I've seen characters and shots from it used in some memes in unrelated communities, so maybe you have. At first I assumed it was some new indie game, but when I saw that it was an animation freely available on YouTube, I...

Well, honestly, I was reluctant to watch it for reasons similar to those that put me off playing Undertale at first. Creative envy, essentially. I suppose the depressive slump weirdly numbed the reluctance or something though? Whatever; I watched it, anyway.

And I liked it! I admire the character designs, the novel ideas, the artistry behind it all. I like that the main creator both draws and composes music, and her music has an idiosyncratic quality to it that I don't hear in slicker, more 'professional' fare.

Something that stood out in particular to me was that the... animation ('episode'? 'show'? 'project'? 'creative work'? unsure how to refer to the thing as a whole!) is obviously driven by female minds. I've always found it odd that more women than men tend to be into art, and the online art communities like deviantART, Tumblr, etc seemed to be dominated by them, but pretty much all the TV cartoons we grew up with were made by male creators. PATRIARCHY!!! and all that, you could say. Steven Universe was the first one I saw that wasn't - it was notable at the time for actually being made by a woman!! - and I really appreciated the different perspective. I think there are more women-led cartoons now, though my experience with them is limited so it's always something I find interesting when I do see them.

I particularly like that the main character, Pomni, isn't some damn tough, independent woman who don't need no man!! as an obnoxious proportion of stories seem to have these days. Her body language and mannerisms are neurotic, vulnerable, hurt, weak. She makes a selfish mistake when heroism might have been more typical. Nor is she sexualised; you wouldn't even know the character was female from an image alone. No curves or hair bow or lipstick. Gasp.

I notice these sorts of things with curiosity, and wonder whether they register at all as remarkable to others, or whether I'm just weirdly cut-off and other people just accept it without noticing, so to speak. I was surprised when I realised Pomni was a she, but was that just me? Maybe. I may have a different attitude towards gender than is currently culturally common. Or not. I don't know.

Another thing I noticed that's likely different from what saner people got out of this is that... well, like with Undertale, I can see why it's been so popular. The themes it explores and the general vibe of it all seem congruent with a lot of recent trends I've noticed, especially the backrooms/mystery element (and I suppose the simulation/VR thing is a part of the Zeitgeist too). I found out it was on YouTube via this Film Theory video, for example:

The whole art direction feels trendy to me, too. Maybe you'd know what I mean if I were to say that sometimes you can come across drawings that look like they came from Tumblr or deviantART, as if that whole community is reflected in them; this felt kind of like that. There's a rabbit character whose name I can't recall or be bothered looking up (Jax?), whose visual design and personality seemed to give this impression quite strongly for me. (I also wondered whether these 'appealing (male) jerk' characters are more common in women's art for the same reason they're ostensibly inclined to be attracted to bad boys (it's notable that this character is tall); a lot of female artists I've seen over the years have included such an archetype prominently in their rosters of 'OCs'. There's a bit where he verbally dismisses and pushes over a(n also sad, vulnerable, nonsexualised) female character in a way I can't imagine a male creator getting away with!)

None of this is meant as anything like criticism, to be clear! I suppose they're just things I notice because I see they're popular, and I notice how they're different to the things I make, which my negatively biased mind sees as evidence as how the stuff I make won't appeal to anyone because it's not like the stuff that does. Something like that. Basically the same feelings I had about Undertale.

(Plus I suppose the kinds of comments people have left on my own stuff over the years - eg Collie being inappropriately sexualised - impact how I see things.)

And I suppose those feelings are at the top of my mind because of the other thing I want to talk about...

Or actually, hmm, maybe I'll just be vague about this?

Basically, for years I've wanted to make some specific thing that I can't adequately explain other than that it's not a game. Maybe 'semi-animated webcomic' gives some idea. As much as I like making games, they take so damn long to make, so this thing seemed like a way to use my current skills to make something I could put out maybe weekly episodes of.

I suppose the closest thing I've posted before is this:

Though I've experimented with and refined the format in several side projects over the last few years to the point where that 3-year-old thing looks primitive and very flawed to me now. I'd really like to make something with the new format to show what I mean, but I've never been able to decide on a story or cast of characters that I'd want to use for something I could make public, or which could span a long duration.

While lying miserably in bed, though, inspiration struck, and now I have an idea I really want to explore! Something with a lot of constraints which should make it actually feasible to do quite quickly.

I want to spend the rest of this week playing around with concept art and stuff, though ideally I'd want to get to the point where I have a working proof-of-concept demo I can show off. Don't know how long that'll take, other than that it'd be a tiny fraction of what it'd take to make a game demo. I'll likely post something on Patreon at some point.

Maybe it'll go nowhere and I'll just get back to Dreamons or Atonal Dreams or whatever, though I've been waiting for inspiration for this for years - and I've been feeling lousy lately - so I want to seize it while it's with me.

I know that's annoyingly vague, but I don't want to get discouraged if people take issue with anything before they have a chance to even see what I'd likely do a poor job of trying to explain. And maybe if something comes of it, we can look back at this post to see where the idea sort-of started or something!

(Plus I just wanted to knock the previous pathetic post off the top of the Latest list!)

8 COMMENTS

GrayNine35~1Y

I'm glad you're feeling better than you were before! I haven't seen Digital Circus yet, but I've been meaning to.
I'm interested to see your "not a game" idea, it kind of sounds like a Visual Novel to me. I suppose I'll have to wait until the demo to see how accurate that is, but whether it fits into what I'd define as a VN or just shares similarities with one, I've mentioned before how they fit your strengths well. The best VNs are usually praised for their writing and music, which your Divine Scenes video and divinedreams.net do well.

Tobias 1115~1Y

I've still never played a visual novel, so I'll be curious to hear how it compares when I have something more substantial. The intention is to focus wholly on character dialogue with background music, since those are the creative things I've grown to prefer and people have responded well to, so if I can make something with just those that people actually like, that'd be wonderful!

Davkett9~1Y

I do remember the animated webcomic idea from a few years ago! Maybe from the time you were making Memody?

I think it's a great idea, it could be both a way to express your thoughts and also a source of traffic to the website, which could result in a steadier stream of income than game development.

I believe you have everything it takes to write an interesting story (or an episodic thing that explores different things each time) that could attract a decent audience.

Tobias 1115~1Y

Thank you, I appreciate your faith in me!

It's an idea I've explored in various forms for years now, as several mostly private projects, and the basic format has evolved a lot over the years as I've experimented with and learned what works best. I'd just been lacking a clear idea of a story, so now that I have something that could work, I'm eager to make something to show off the idea!

Maniafig222~12M

I'd been seeing things from this pilot, but wasn't really aware what it was. It's over 100 million views now, a ridiculous amount, but I think it might be flagged as a Youtube Kids thing so that might explain it. Seems like an *interesting* thing to show to kids.

I liked it myself too, for the same reasons. The unusual and appealing character designs, the strange and compelling concepts behind the show, the energy of the animation, the snappy voice acting, it's all really good!

I recently watched Owl House, another cartoon made by a woman [and an excellent one, if you like Steven Universe you'll love Owl House!], and I could somewhat sense it. The narrative overall seemed more driven by characters rather than plot, and the female characters get equal breathing room as the male ones. That's something that cartoons have really gotten better at, it used to be "female" was basically a character archetype to itself, with offshoots like "traditional woman" or "tomboy" and little else.

I got very strong dA/Tumblr vibes from the show as well myself, Jax and Caine in particular struck me very much as two different sorts of "Tumblr Sexymen" if you're aware of that phenomenom. Personally I really like this type of cast/story, so I don't mind it at all. It's definitely very contemporary, but I think these themes are also just interesting to explore and I'm glad that's happening a lot recently.

I think the appealing jerk thing is just a general trend in fiction and media. Much of media and comedy is derived from conflict, strife and suffering, and these types of flippantly dismissive characters are great vessels for causing that kind of stuff. They'd be horrible to deal with IRL, but in stories they are excellent sources of comedy and intrigue.

I remember the Ossoum/Pierce scene! I still really like that, Ossoum especially was good there. I also remember the other times you posted about similar ideas, and hoping to see the finished products. I hope you can stick with it, it sounds interesting!

I liked it myself too, for the same reasons. The unusual and appealing character designs, the strange and compelling concepts behind the show, the energy of the animation, the snappy voice acting, it's all really good!

I recently watched Owl House, another cartoon made by a woman [and an excellent one, if you like Steven Universe you'll love Owl House!], and I could somewhat sense it. The narrative overall seemed more driven by characters rather than plot, and the female characters get equal breathing room as the male ones. That's something that cartoons have really gotten better at, it used to be "female" was basically a character archetype to itself, with offshoots like "traditional woman" or "tomboy" and little else.

I got very strong dA/Tumblr vibes from the show as well myself, Jax and Caine in particular struck me very much as two different sorts of "Tumblr Sexymen" if you're aware of that phenomenom. Personally I really like this type of cast/story, so I don't mind it at all. It's definitely very contemporary, but I think these themes are also just interesting to explore and I'm glad that's happening a lot recently.

I think the appealing jerk thing is just a general trend in fiction and media. Much of media and comedy is derived from conflict, strife and suffering, and these types of flippantly dismissive characters are great vessels for causing that kind of stuff. They'd be horrible to deal with IRL, but in stories they are excellent sources of comedy and intrigue.

I remember the Ossoum/Pierce scene! I still really like that, Ossoum especially was good there. I also remember the other times you posted about similar ideas, and hoping to see the finished products. I hope you can stick with it, it sounds interesting!

Tobias 1115~12M

There's a guy whose music videos I've mentioned in this blog before who apparently worked on this Digital Circus thing, and that's where I first found out about it, though I only realised that a couple of days ago. It definitely doesn't seem suitable for children! But compared to the other stuff YouTube was pushing to them for ages...

Owl House and another one called Amphibia (I think?) have been on my To Watch list for years; I think they're both made by women and have a lot in common? I keep meaning to check them out, but I'd be doing so late (maybe they've already concluded?), which puts me off for some reason. I started Steven Universe when it was new and followed its development over time, building excitement for upcoming series, which was maybe my favourite part about it.

Tumblr Sexymen! I have come across that term before, and it's probably the best succinct description of the archetype I had in mind. I'm not a fan how fangirls lusting over those is openly accepted but males talking about female characters the same way are seen as scumbags (I don't like either, personally).

Owl House and another one called Amphibia (I think?) have been on my To Watch list for years; I think they're both made by women and have a lot in common? I keep meaning to check them out, but I'd be doing so late (maybe they've already concluded?), which puts me off for some reason. I started Steven Universe when it was new and followed its development over time, building excitement for upcoming series, which was maybe my favourite part about it.

Tumblr Sexymen! I have come across that term before, and it's probably the best succinct description of the archetype I had in mind. I'm not a fan how fangirls lusting over those is openly accepted but males talking about female characters the same way are seen as scumbags (I don't like either, personally).

capnbunnypaws11~12M

39 y.o woman artist/writer here!

I'm somewhat familiar with this animation from some of my contacts, although I don't know what it is about yet. Maybe I'll take a look sometime. I don't entirely like the art style, but if the writting is good, I can warm up to it.

Jerk characters have existed in media for a long time, I can assure you it's not necesarily a woman thing, but likely one type of personality amongst many in a cast. Personally, I'm not fond of them, neither IRL nor in fiction. There's no doubt women out there who fancy the stereotypical "bad boy" (generally, they tend to be on the younger side, likely still in highschool) but as a whole, we don't enjoy associating ourselves with "jerks" or toxic people in general. As a matter of fact, my husband is the polar opposite of this archetype, an introvert shy nerdy dude and I couldn't be happier.

I think I've only liked two jerk characters in my life (Scar from the lion king and Discord from MLP) and I enjoyed the former for the way he was written rather than his AH nature. Discord could be considered a jerk in the beginning, but he eventually warms up to the main cast and becomes a reformed villain, which is something I like.

As a personal inclination, I tend to prioritize good people, be it male or female. My two major male characters are what one would consider "Neutral Good". I can't stomach having a jerk in the main cast, unless he/she ends up taking accountability and improving as a person. The irredeemable jerk characters are left for the antagonist's role. But that's just me. It all depends on each artist, their life experience and the mental process behind the creation of their story.

As for modern female characters, I absolutely detest what the media has been doing as of late. But seeing that Disney/Hollywood is not doing so well, not as well as in the past, tells me that most people equally dislike it. Still baffles me how they keep pushing for this type of narrative even though the formula keeps failing. But hey, the good news is that as artists we can always make our own stories, haha.

39 y.o woman artist/writer here!

I'm somewhat familiar with this animation from some of my contacts, although I don't know what it is about yet. Maybe I'll take a look sometime. I don't entirely like the art style, but if the writting is good, I can warm up to it.

Jerk characters have existed in media for a long time, I can assure you it's not necesarily a woman thing, but likely one type of personality amongst many in a cast. Personally, I'm not fond of them, neither IRL nor in fiction. There's no doubt women out there who fancy the stereotypical "bad boy" (generally, they tend to be on the younger side, likely still in highschool) but as a whole, we don't enjoy associating ourselves with "jerks" or toxic people in general. As a matter of fact, my husband is the polar opposite of this archetype, an introvert shy nerdy dude and I couldn't be happier.

I think I've only liked two jerk characters in my life (Scar from the lion king and Discord from MLP) and I enjoyed the former for the way he was written rather than his AH nature. Discord could be considered a jerk in the beginning, but he eventually warms up to the main cast and becomes a reformed villain, which is something I like.

As a personal inclination, I tend to prioritize good people, be it male or female. My two major male characters are what one would consider "Neutral Good". I can't stomach having a jerk in the main cast, unless he/she ends up taking accountability and improving as a person. The irredeemable jerk characters are left for the antagonist's role. But that's just me. It all depends on each artist, their life experience and the mental process behind the creation of their story.

As for modern female characters, I absolutely detest what the media has been doing as of late. But seeing that Disney/Hollywood is not doing so well, not as well as in the past, tells me that most people equally dislike it. Still baffles me how they keep pushing for this type of narrative even though the formula keeps failing. But hey, the good news is that as artists we can always make our own stories, haha.

Tobias 1115~12M

Thanks for commenting; I appreciate your input.

From what I've learned about evolutionary psychology (as in I had to answer exam questions at uni about these things), women are generally attracted to men with traits from the Dark Triad: narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy (with some researchers suggesting the inclusion of sadism, for a Dark Tetrad). But they only prefer them as brief sexual partners rather than romantic partners to settle down with, and their attraction for them spikes at a certain point during their menstrual cycle that I can't recall the exact name of.

The reasoning is that they're perceived by the bestial parts of the women's brains as the bearers of the best genes for surviving in the brutal environment we evolved in eons ago. Since they're seen as poor fathers, though, a common mating strategy is to get impregnated by such a man - such that the child will inherit his 'good' genes - but to settle down with a 'nice guy' who'll be better able to raise that child.

I was taught this as academic theory, and wrote essays supported by published, peer-reviewed research into it all, but the redpill/incel online types have run away with it in recent years so now even talking about it at all seems to signal association with those groups. Which I think is a shame.

And of course we're all different; these are always just statistical tendencies. So a psychological study would 'prove' - to the degree that anything in psychology can be proven - something like this when maybe 6 of 10 female participants (usually uni students) mark on a form that Image A (a photo of a guy with a square jaw and a bio next to it that says he kicks puppies) seems more sexually attractive to them than Image B (a dumpy round-faced guy who describes himself as liking cuddles) during a study they attend for course credit while hungover, sleep-deprived, and more occupied fretting about friendships and finances than cold, detached, abstract questions.

Something more anecdotal and based on my personal experience is that neurotic young women who hold a low opinion of themselves might see genuinely nice guys as deceptive because their claims don't line up with their self-beliefs (she thinks "I'm a terrible person", he says "you're a wonderful person", therefore he's lying), whereas the arseholes who outright insult them 'are at least being honest'.

A lot of men prefer sassy, domineering, angry women though, which is a whole other thing in itself. I personally don't. I get the impression that more men are drawn to the 'strong independent woman' archetype we're seeing everywhere these days (which annoys me because it's essentially saying the only way a woman can be worthy is if she's behaviourally masculine), though I'm not sure. My two (female) friends are annoyed by them like I am, though that's too small a sample size to say anything really.

Thanks for commenting; I appreciate your input.

From what I've learned about evolutionary psychology (as in I had to answer exam questions at uni about these things), women are generally attracted to men with traits from the Dark Triad: narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy (with some researchers suggesting the inclusion of sadism, for a Dark Tetrad). But they only prefer them as brief sexual partners rather than romantic partners to settle down with, and their attraction for them spikes at a certain point during their menstrual cycle that I can't recall the exact name of.

The reasoning is that they're perceived by the bestial parts of the women's brains as the bearers of the best genes for surviving in the brutal environment we evolved in eons ago. Since they're seen as poor fathers, though, a common mating strategy is to get impregnated by such a man - such that the child will inherit his 'good' genes - but to settle down with a 'nice guy' who'll be better able to raise that child.

I was taught this as academic theory, and wrote essays supported by published, peer-reviewed research into it all, but the redpill/incel online types have run away with it in recent years so now even talking about it at all seems to signal association with those groups. Which I think is a shame.

And of course we're all different; these are always just statistical tendencies. So a psychological study would 'prove' - to the degree that anything in psychology can be proven - something like this when maybe 6 of 10 female participants (usually uni students) mark on a form that Image A (a photo of a guy with a square jaw and a bio next to it that says he kicks puppies) seems more sexually attractive to them than Image B (a dumpy round-faced guy who describes himself as liking cuddles) during a study they attend for course credit while hungover, sleep-deprived, and more occupied fretting about friendships and finances than cold, detached, abstract questions.

Something more anecdotal and based on my personal experience is that neurotic young women who hold a low opinion of themselves might see genuinely nice guys as deceptive because their claims don't line up with their self-beliefs (she thinks "I'm a terrible person", he says "you're a wonderful person", therefore he's lying), whereas the arseholes who outright insult them 'are at least being honest'.

A lot of men prefer sassy, domineering, angry women though, which is a whole other thing in itself. I personally don't. I get the impression that more men are drawn to the 'strong independent woman' archetype we're seeing everywhere these days (which annoys me because it's essentially saying the only way a woman can be worthy is if she's behaviourally masculine), though I'm not sure. My two (female) friends are annoyed by them like I am, though that's too small a sample size to say anything really.