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27 POSTS WITH THE TAG <Trauma>

PERSONAL

5

803
Dreamons, Insomnia, Nostalgia
7 months ago2,078 words
Some venting about recent sleep issues - likely a result of persistent life situation issues - and thoughts about my current game dev project, Dreamons, some old GBC Legend of Zelda games, and the Netflix adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender.
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PERSONAL

2

607
Emotive Hands, Life Indecisiveness
8 months ago721 words
I'm back to working on stuff again, like animations for Dreamons. Also the same old indecisiveness about where my life is going...
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PERSONAL

6

734
36th Birthday
9 months ago903 words
I am now Level 36. As always, I don't like this!
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PERSONAL

13

1,015
Counselling Course Conclusion?
9 months ago1,837 words
I had the fifth session of the Counselling Skills course yesterday. I left before it ended, and I'm unsure whether or not to continue with the other 10 sessions.
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PERSONAL

2

774
Counselling Class - Week 4
9 months ago3,052 words
Another diary entry of sorts about my stumbling steps into the real world. I wish I'd been employed in my teens and twenties, so I wasn't such a poisonous pest of an alien now.
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PERSONAL

9

675
Counselling Class 3 & What's Wrong With Me
9 months ago1,967 words
The third class of this Counselling skills course didn't go as badly as I dreaded it might, mostly due to revising my expectations. Also, a brief account of exactly why I've been trapped in a pit, and which mental conditions I believe I do or don't have.
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PERSONAL

7

572
Trauma-Induced Frustrations & Pathologising Circumstance
10 months ago1,200 words
Some venting in response to previous posts. Much of how I react internally to things these days comes from traumatic past experiences, and it's difficult to connect with people who are all like one another but different to you.
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PERSONAL

4

506
Alienation as the Crux of My Social Anxiety
10 months ago1,954 words
Some venting of anxiety I feel about the second counselling class later today. I feel like I'm the alien in the group. I don't mind being an alien, I just wish I could meet another alien to hide away from it all together with.
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PERSONAL

7

571
Artists vs AI; Counselling Course Concerns
10 months ago1,140 words
While AI can produce high-quality art quickly, in my experience, art's value comes from the creation process, at least in the sense of personal pride. Also, I've been losing sleep over doubts about the social dice roll I'll be making next week...
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PERSONAL

2

634
SLS, Considering a Counselling Course, Tin Whistle 3
11 months ago1,632 words
I'm still struggling with motivation, focus, general life stuff. I'm wondering whether to take an opportunity to start training as a counsellor...
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PERSONAL

3

591
Counselling: Take... 3? 4? 5?
1 year ago2,534 words
I had my 'first' (of this latest run, at least) counselling session, at long last!! (I can't remember how many times I've been through this process in the past!)
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DEVELOPMENT

4

787
Horns, Hub, Indecisiveness, Burnout, DAWs?
1 year ago1,145 words
Did some Dreamons work this week, but mostly felt indecisive and burned out. Also, potential Patreon issue, and I should probably learn to use a DAW.
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DEVELOPMENT

5

804
Figuring Out Shader Graphs for Prettier Dioramas
1 year ago1,143 words
Graphical improvements! Technical stuff! Wow!!
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DEVELOPMENT

10

1,036
Hub and Spokes? Linear Progression?? Dreamons???
1 year ago1,439 words
What should I do with this game??
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DEVELOPMENT

5

1,034
Weekly Update - Wondering About Dreamons Again, As A Pokemon Clone?
2 years ago1,775 words
While waiting on mental health treatment to prepare myself for putting myself out into online communities to promote Atonal Dreams, I've been wondering whether to work on Dreamons as a single-player Pokemon clone you can start a game of and just play within minutes without investing into some grand story...
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PERSONAL

9

1,245
35th Birthday, Outings Part 2
2 years ago2,198 words
I'm much older than I'd like. I met a friend, for the first time in almost two years! I also met someone who was supposed to help with my disconnection from society...
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PERSONAL

4

1,078
Weekly Update - Music on YouTube, At Last!!
2 years ago1,785 words
I spent this week trying to tackle some things I'd been avoiding, including posting my music on YouTube, which I've finally started doing after talking about that for years!! I also spent a lot of time both on and waiting for phone calls.
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PERSONAL

4

689
Thrown Off, Waiting
2 years ago715 words
As I continue to take a break from Atonal Dreams due to an annoyingly prolonged flare-up of my mental health issues, I've been channeling my creativity into a side project which draws on other side projects from last year and games I've made or been inspired by in the past...
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PERSONAL

4

913
Looking Back At 2022 - And How it Ended with a Crash
2 years ago2,668 words
So how's your whole Christmas/end-of-year period been? I spent at least a week - starting from Christmas Day - alone, in bed, so depressed I could barely even move. So that was fun!! Have I ever mentioned that I'm mentally ill before? What, in most of the blog posts I've written this year, you say?? I've at least made stuff every month despite it, though slower than I'd like.
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DEVELOPMENT

10

1,232
Weekly Update - Cover art finished; Doubts due to lack of childhood encouragement
2 years ago1,254 words
I finished some promotional art, which I'm proud of, but... did your parents ever encourage you in your pursuit of your interests?
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DEVELOPMENT

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1,536
Belated Weekly Update - Website Changes, Presenting Oneself, Pokemon
2 years ago3,011 words
I've finally implemented the revisions to this website that have taken far longer than they really should have done! Am I presenting my game and myself in an appropriate way, though? Also, Pokemon Violet.
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PERSONAL

6

1,256
Weekly Update - Thrown Off, Not Dead Yet
2 years ago1,098 words
Another excuse post! Ugh!
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PERSONAL

1

1,052
Head Pressure, Continued; Several Stressful Factors
2 years ago1,284 words
For the second week in a row, this post's mostly just an excuse about how I've not achieved what I wanted to this week, due to general mental illness exacerbated by several situational stressors. Bleh.
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DEVELOPMENT

9

1,127
Weekly Update - Promotion Wariness, Wondering Whether To Focus On Porting Old Games
2 years ago1,327 words
This week, I made some Atonal Dreams improvements (mostly) based on feedback from the previous test, and intended to post about it on Reddit, but... am I too burned out? Should I focus on stuff like porting my old games first?? Am I just making up excuses to avoid doing something I have a strong trauma-related aversion towards???
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PERSONAL

22

1,810
Makers and Madness
2 years ago1,231 words
Creators having breakdowns and turning on - or seeking to hide away from - their 'fans' seems to be a not-uncommon thing!
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PERSONAL

5

1,582
Weird Wasted Week - AvPD & DPD
2 years ago2,015 words
Some venting about the Avoidant and Dependent Personality Disorders that likely hinder me, awkward phone calls with friends, embarrassment while dog walking, and how much of a mental mess I generally am.
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PERSONAL

10

1,165
Time Off to Brainstorm and Break Out of My Shell?
3 years ago1,270 words
I'm taking maybe a couple of weeks off Atonal Dreams to do some other stuff, like brainstorming other game ideas or trying to break out of my mental cocoon to socialise online in some small way...
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