I saw two interesting things from familiar online creators this week, which I wanted to write about: a video by Weebl (a Flash animator from not long before I released MARDEK), and some old soundtracks by ConcernedApe (creator of Stardew Valley)... READ MORE
Did you know that Toby Fox composed a music track for Pokemon Sword & Shield? Because I didn't, and when I found out, I felt so weirdly envious about it! But why?? READ MORE
It's my birthday today, so I felt like I should at least acknowledge that with a post. Today's mostly just business as usual - spending my time alone working on this game - but there's a background of miserableness because of some discouraging comments on the previous post, because they're right. I've been thinking about how I need to change as a person, but looking back on how I was just a couple of years ago, I'd say I've already come a long way! READ MORE
It was my first day of classes for the third year of university today. It's been a bit of a roller coaster. Crushing, suicidal despair, followed by a twinkling of hope. READ MORE
I've felt for a while now that I was in some kind of sunset period of my story; that my life was nearing its end. That end - which will likely be self-inflicted - feels closer than ever, but is that such a bad thing? READ MORE
I've returned from my month in South Korea. I'd hoped it might be an escape from the despair of the usual rut, but I'm reminded of the line "wherever you go, you are there"... Still, overall I'm glad I went, and I feel I might have grown at least a little bit as a person, which was my main reason for going. READ MORE
It's been a relatively eventful week, the last for probably a while... I went for another checkup about my brain tumour, and also tried facing some weird fears... which put a lot of things into perspective and made me aware of how small and distorted my psychological bubble has become lately (and how valuable relationships are, again). READ MORE
My thought processes have been quite toxic for the last couple of years. This isn't leading anywhere good. Mindful acceptance seems the ideal antidote, so I want to work more on cultivating that. READ MORE
I've been a mess recently... Or I suppose I've been a mess for a long while now, but these past few days have been worse. Some of the worst in my life. I feel like I've lost or will lose my best friend, because of my faults and mistakes, and as she's been the thread that's kept me hanging onto life for a while now, well... READ MORE
I haven't updated this thing in a while. I'm not dead. Yet. Though I still often feel as if I'd rather be, or if I already am in some sense. I mourn the apparent death of my once vibrant and fulfilling creativity in particular. A shame about that. Anyway, in the last few weeks I've been depressed - as usual - though I've also had enough tastes of actual happiness to motivate me to seek out paths to a better place. I feel I've also come to some realisations about the root of most of my psychological problems. Now that I've finished the rather draining academic assignments that have been eating up almost all my time recently, I'd like to write about everything here for my own benefit; it does seem to help to get it all out. READ MORE
The last couple of days were - for the first time in a long time - actually nice; I felt as if life were worth living, and the thought of ending it didn't enter my mind at all. It's because I made a conscious decision to shift my thoughts from sulking about receiving insufficient love, to giving love unconditionally for its own sake. The difference in the way I and the world felt was astounding; I felt as if the problem had been solved, the way to happiness revealed. Sadly, I seem to be slipping off that path again already... READ MORE
2