I didn't do any work this week, as I said in last week's post would be the plan, so here's a personal post about all the exciting things I got up to instead!! I was meant to meet a friend, but didn't! I was meant to do a video call with a different friend, and did! I want to find somewhere to move out to, but have no idea where to even start looking! READ MORE
It's my birthday today, so I felt like I should at least acknowledge that with a post. Today's mostly just business as usual - spending my time alone working on this game - but there's a background of miserableness because of some discouraging comments on the previous post, because they're right. I've been thinking about how I need to change as a person, but looking back on how I was just a couple of years ago, I'd say I've already come a long way! READ MORE
Over the past week or so, I've been working on the prototype for a game - my first in 3D - which will eventually be about suicide (sort of)!! Here's a version of it you can already play!!!! READ MORE
It's my birthday today. I was going to give myself the gift of sweet release from this miserable existence... but I'll probably just rant about that here instead. Yay!! READ MORE
I just want to say that I'm not dead yet, because I got (but didn't answer) a call from the police last night. I didn't know it was from the police until after I'd failed to answer it, and it might have nothing to do with anything here, but still, I thought I should say something to be sure. READ MORE
After playing around some more with my Oculus Rift, I'm amazed at the potential VR has to explore the nature of our perceptions... but I also wish I could just give up on the real world and live in a variety of virtual ones instead. READ MORE
I saw a performance (sort of) of Hamlet today with my housemates. It moved me a surprising amount, especially that most famous of soliloquies which seemed to put into wonderful words the thoughts I've been having recently. READ MORE
We exist to have sex, biologically. Everything else is peripheral. And it's really hard to want to keep going if you feel that physical connection isn't going to be a part of your life experience. For me, anyway. READ MORE
It was my first day of classes for the third year of university today. It's been a bit of a roller coaster. Crushing, suicidal despair, followed by a twinkling of hope. READ MORE
The police just showed up at my house to talk to me about being suicidal. So if you're planning to ring them about that, please don't, since they've already been. READ MORE
I've felt for a while now that I was in some kind of sunset period of my story; that my life was nearing its end. That end - which will likely be self-inflicted - feels closer than ever, but is that such a bad thing? READ MORE
It's been a relatively eventful week, the last for probably a while... I went for another checkup about my brain tumour, and also tried facing some weird fears... which put a lot of things into perspective and made me aware of how small and distorted my psychological bubble has become lately (and how valuable relationships are, again). READ MORE
I've been thinking a lot about suicide recently, again. To better understand why my mind would be lingering in this area so much, I've been reading a book explaining the factors that contribute to people wanting to no longer be alive... READ MORE
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