Another diary entry of sorts about my stumbling steps into the real world. I wish I'd been employed in my teens and twenties, so I wasn't such a poisonous pest of an alien now. READ MORE
Some venting of anxiety I feel about the second counselling class later today. I feel like I'm the alien in the group. I don't mind being an alien, I just wish I could meet another alien to hide away from it all together with. READ MORE
I'm old and lonely and lumpy and sad, so here's some probably embarrassing ranting about that to relieve some of the stress my demons are causing me today. READ MORE
I'm still struggling with motivation, focus, general life stuff. I'm wondering whether to take an opportunity to start training as a counsellor... READ MORE
So how's your whole Christmas/end-of-year period been? I spent at least a week - starting from Christmas Day - alone, in bed, so depressed I could barely even move. So that was fun!! Have I ever mentioned that I'm mentally ill before? What, in most of the blog posts I've written this year, you say?? I've at least made stuff every month despite it, though slower than I'd like. READ MORE
Some venting about the Avoidant and Dependent Personality Disorders that likely hinder me, awkward phone calls with friends, embarrassment while dog walking, and how much of a mental mess I generally am. READ MORE
I haven't written a personal post in a while, so here's some rambling about a cold I have, my fruitful efforts to break through my reluctance to use Reddit, friendship and relative loneliness, and buying Lego to rekindle childhood joy! READ MORE
I'M MENTALLY ILL. Did you know that?? I might not have mentioned it hundreds of times before, I forget. It's been worse than usual this week, so here's some venting about money woes, and how toxic communities have and continue to exacerbate the social anxiety that's already prevented me from seizing so many opportunities... READ MORE
A bit of a diary entry: I had another video call with a friend which was way less awkward than the last, which gave me some social confidence though I'm still paranoid of being noticed and judged, and I composed six short piano pieces this week - and have an album of 18 more from between 2012 and 2019 - but it's a shame that's not really a marketable thing that people would care about! READ MORE
I didn't do any work this week, as I said in last week's post would be the plan, so here's a personal post about all the exciting things I got up to instead!! I was meant to meet a friend, but didn't! I was meant to do a video call with a different friend, and did! I want to find somewhere to move out to, but have no idea where to even start looking! READ MORE
Did you know that Toby Fox composed a music track for Pokemon Sword & Shield? Because I didn't, and when I found out, I felt so weirdly envious about it! But why?? READ MORE
We've started on the path towards promoting and then releasing Sindrel Song! However, completely unsurprisingly, the various mental issues I have are getting in the way. READ MORE
I'm (still) taking forever to do the promotional stuff for Sindrel Song, due to my various mental illnesses. I've set up a page for the game, on which I talk about my backstory as a developer in some detail, but I wonder if I'm going in the right direction with it. READ MORE
I had my first radiotherapy session today. I've not produced anything yet though! Seems likely that my future will be determined by my Avoidant Personality Disorder... READ MORE
I spent a few hours with a friend from university on Tuesday - the first meaningful human contact I've had in months - which was nice. But I haven't talked to the neighbour I talked about in the previous post. READ MORE
Most people experience some kind of anxiety or shame in regards to social situations, especially those that go badly. For me, the mental monster that governs these kinds of reactions is perhaps the most potent and evolved of the menagerie in my mind; it's the 'boss' that holds the reins. It's drastically limited my life, and will likely continue to do so... so maybe my only option is to find a way of living 'around' it rather than trying to get rid of it. READ MORE
It's my birthday today. I was going to give myself the gift of sweet release from this miserable existence... but I'll probably just rant about that here instead. Yay!! READ MORE
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