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Weekly Update - A Follow-Up Re Atonal Dreams Box Art

2 years ago1,720 words

A second post this week with some thoughts about art I drew a few days ago, and the kind of feedback artists hope for when showing other people the fruits of their hard work.

∞ I wrote a Weekly Update a couple of days ago ∞, partly so then I wouldn't have to worry about it on the weekend... but it's the weekend now and I'm worried about stuff anyway so I'm writing another.

In that post, I included this image, which I'd spent maybe three days painting:



I was really proud of it when I finished, eager and excited to show it to other people in the hope they'd be as wowed as I was... but instead the responses (or lack thereof) have just killed my confidence and exacerbated the depressive slump I was already in. I spent all day yesterday in bed, suffocated by dark fog. Metaphorically, obviously. So that's great.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and a few things have been bubbling up in my mind. One is how it compares to other art with the same purpose; here's an equivalent image for the game Celeste (which I've still not actually played, so I don't know what elements in the image correspond to):



I'm surprised by a few elements there: the skill level of the art (which is better than mine, but feels close to my own skill level in the way most professional art doesn't; ∞ the official art for Breath of the Wild ∞, for example, is far beyond what I'm capable of), the number of characters, how small they are, the amount of empty space at the top. It has a better composition than mine, though a big part of that is due to having a single protagonist who can be the primary focus, while I felt just focusing on Collie OR Savitr wouldn't be right so my own composition is more cluttered. It's a great example of how the light/dark contrast and saturation draws your eyes to a single point, while the other stuff fades into the background!


Another thing I've been thinking about, more than that, is just that I suppose non-artists, who don't have much or any experience creating things and showing them off in the hopes of receiving feedback, just haven't developed the mental pathways for giving the kinds of feedback that artists want.

I'm subscribed to some art channels on youtube, and I want to include a couple of videos that I saw recently. They're long and I'll be surprised if anyone actually watches them, but... well, they're here anyway:



In this one, the channel owner - who draws a lot of fakemon (novel Pokemon designs) - invited over fakemon artists from other channels, and they share and comment on each other's creative interpretations of the same prompt.

The most notable part - and why I'm linking to it at all - is how they respond to each other's artworks. They're not all of equal quality, and I get the feeling they all sense who's more or less skilled among them, but they're all quick to respond with initial amazement - 'wow!' - followed by detailed observations about things that they like or are impressed by. Most of the video is made up of this supportive commentary!

I find myself hypervigilant for negative comments while watching these interactions, and I'm not sure whether that's due to my innate neuroticism, social anxiety, personal history of receiving negative comments, current depressive episode, or whether they're all similarly tense. I noticed one of them made a comment that was just slightly critical (something like "with a few little tweaks, it could-", as if it wasn't perfect as is), and flinched; I also wondered whether any of the others were internally flinching, as people might in a group setting where someone made a remark bordering on offensive/racist/whatever... though depression does put everything through a dark filter.



This other channel's run by four artists who are long-time friends, so the atmosphere is more relaxed, though it's interesting watching the delicate dance between banter about the crude, ridiculous things they comically draw (in that video, they're drawing random cartoon characters as absurd couples; 'crack shipping/pairing', I think it's called?), and genuine support for each other's artwork despite their varying skill levels and approaches. They're quick to praise details they notice, and very careful to not make remarks that genuinely put down a person's technical execution, or to apologise clearly if they say something that comes close.

I envy people like those, who have friends - or occasional guests - who've walked the same journey and as such know what feedback they would want and are able to give it in kind. I don't know anyone to share creative stuff with these days, and posting in public drawing places like deviantART, Reddit, Twitter etc is more likely to result in no or 'low quality' feedback because those capable of giving higher-quality feedback are generally busy with professional pursuits... maybe.


That said, it's important to get the honest feedback of non-artists too because they'll be the bulk of the audience, and the ones I'll need to convince to hand over their money for my work.

Several people commented on the previous post, which I appreciate, and they were in this vein. Not purely flattering - though I appreciate that some people cared enough to include some praise - but a more accurate gauge of how an audience might respond. Useful, valuable.


Still, I suppose it's important to have a good balance between that cold, realistic, practical, work-like critique about the art as a potential money-making product, which drains energy and motivation, and positive encouragement about the art as a baring of one's soul and a manifestation of years of practice, which renews them, and my seesaw is currently jammed by the massive weight on one side and the few feathers on the other... or something.

Ultimately, though, we can't control how other people behave, only how we respond to it, as some saying or quote goes that I'll now look up...



Yes, that. I wonder if Gandhi actually said that. It's the sort of thing they mention in mindfulness/anxiety therapy help groups, which is where I learned about. Valuable to know, but easier said than done, since our mental states are so profoundly influenced by subconscious factors. Like how you can't just 'be confident' unless you have some positive memories to anchor the feeling in.

I'll need to come to a decision about this art of mine so then I can make the capsule images for Steam, but just looking at my art to include in this post hurts (I've been mostly averting my eyes from it), so... I don't know. I might just have to redraw it. Hopefully my mental state will have improved a bit by Monday, though if not I suppose I'll have to focus on something else for a while, like technical changes based on tester feedback (bugs etc), or maybe I should take that end of year break I've mentioned in a few posts then seem to forget or change my mind about by the next week.



Actually, while writing this out, I calmed down a bit, and thought maybe it'd be worthwhile to explain what I was trying to achieve with the image. Here it is again:



...I just typed out a thorough description of what exactly all the elements and motifs mean, but I suppose a lot of it is stuff that'd make sense as you progressed through - or even finished - the story, but which might feel like spoilers now. Which is a shame; on the one hand, I'm proud of how much story and meaning is crammed in here, but it's lost on other people so the image feels far less impressive, but there's no way to get around that without spoiling everything!



I suppose one thing I'll at least kind-of describe is that the eye (yes, 'eye') motif which is used throughout the game is also used throughout this image. The overall composition is (vaguely) shaped like a vertical eye, with a bright pupil. It represents the separation between the waking world within (reddish/purplish, Viscereal element colour), and the drealm which surrounds it (teal, Abstral element colour); the border is meant to look like clouds, angelic wings that embrace but also imprison, and like the bubbly/cloudy border you might see for a dream sequence, or a thought bubble (though inverted). The bit at the top has a horizontal eye of light surrounding a sun-like aster icon which represents both the world and a particular character, and would also likely be used as the game's icon.

I've also used crescent moons - another recurring motif - in a few places, such as the Pawnite's eyes (subtly). Collie's collar should probably use that symbol, actually...

And the demon-like thing looming faintly in the background is the main villain (kind of), who I designed specifically for this, though that wouldn't be immediately obvious to a first-time viewer. I don't know who anyone in that Celeste image is, though.

I'll likely need to fiddle around with - or redraw - it anyway, since the dominant colour here is red, which seems to be more associated with action games, and the composition doesn't work for the assortment of different resolutions of the capsules I need to make; for example, this was me trying to rearrange elements into this resolution before giving up:



So... bleh. I like making things, but I don't like the seemingly impossible task of trying to perfectly appeal to the harsh preferences of strangers who either aren't familiar with the challenges and toil of the process, or don't have any reason to care about the human elements behind the creation, just the results they can consume. I'm just trying to work through it as best I can, despite the annoying mental issues.